Mum has been in care home for two weeks now, her progress is amazing, much calmer and able to think and communicate a lot better, she has her not so good days where memory is not so good but she is consumed with the cost of the care home, although like everyone, wants to be in her own home, and every daily visit we go through the same scenario, I know she probably doesn't realise we are talking about it every day but it's really beginning to get us down, the main reason she is there is because she was frightened at home, the long periods between care calls etc and she admits she is comfortable there and well looked after. She won't have 24/7 care, which is just as expensive as care home because she doesn't want someone there with her all the time that she doesn't know, so we can't win. I am now considering giving up work and looking after her at home, she would pay me, which would be much much cheaper than where she is now and I wouldn't need to be there every hour of the day as we would keep carers because at weekends we like to go to our caravan, which is only 20mins away from mum anyway because of the need to get back to her in the past at short notice.
I'm just not sure it's the right move, should we persevere and try and keep her where she is in the care home where we all know she is safe?
There are sort of two questions here, one related to your giving up work, and the other related to whether your mother would be better off in a care home.
When my mother moved in, we floated the idea of my giving up work, but I decided I love my work, and it should not come down to my work or my mother. So I retain my job, though currently I am on leave for a long-term project. I miss the hubbub of getting up and out of the house. I miss getting out of the house, period! Though we have caregivers in, and I can leave, it's usually to go do the shopping or something else for the household.
In my case, then, not giving up work was the right thing to do. My mother, like yours, complained about having "strangers" in the home, but she got used to it. She was somewhat uncooperative with the first caregiver, but after awhile (and with my bringing the caregiver's name into the conversation when she wasn't here), she really liked her and looked forward to having her.
Taking your mother home to her home and having daily caregivers, in other words, might be a way to go. I think you'll find you are over there more than you imagine, however, as the months and years go on.
The thing is - you say your mother improved immensely, and it seems that ought to be taken into consideration. If there are sufficient funds (do plan for the longer haul rather than the shorter one), then the care home sounds like the right place. She has adjusted.
If the funds are perhaps insufficient or less than you'd like, perhaps bring her home for a brief spell - 6 months or so, with carers (you keeping your job) - just to see what happens. I have to say that the constant moving to and fro might set off a whole other set of problems, but if you are considering it, it is your decision.
Thinking aloud here. Don't know if any of it helps.