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Should I get my mum into a care home

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
75
0
I'm 37 and my Mum is 73. I had problems with my mum which started in summer 2015. She had started to become overbearing and nagging at me. And sometimes I get really upset and stressed out because of this. Two of my mum's older brother's have dementia and had to go into a care home. My grandad also had dementia. My mum had an assessment last year and the doctor confirmed it is memory loss she has and is now taking medication. Sometimes I'm annoyed with her nagging and then she has a go at me telling me to get off her back. The other day she came to me twice to show me her vaccination ticket, I told her she had shown it before and she agitated saying that I am nagging her.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,549
0
Yes it is very wearing but she probably can't help it. Sometimes it is best to just go along with her as an easy option as it is less stressful for both of you. Always agree (unless it is impossible) and if you can't agree, change the subject, defer or delay.

There is a very helpful thread on here somewhere called 'Compassionate communication' or something like that but I am not sure where it is. Hopefully someone else will post it on here for you. It explains a lot and gives you ways to cope with the repetition without making your mum or whoever it is feel frustrated with themselves.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,188
0
South coast
Hi @Nightshade01
Here is the thread that @Duggies-girl was talking about
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
75
0
I feel she may need a care home as she suffers from lower back pain. I'm also annoyed with her behaviour, fighting, arguing and taking down to me. I have been dealing with it since 2015 and I am trying to find somewhere else to live now. I haven't been well myself and have been stressed, anxious and suffered from hallucinations. I can't stand my mental health nurse either as he has an attitude. I think he got fed up with me calling him and he called me and huffed and hung up like he was fed up with me. Now I don't want anymore to do with him.

Sometimes the way my mum talks to me aggresively find it insulting or degrading.
 
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Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,584
0
West Hertfordshire
Its the nature of dementia I'm afraid, no consolation but....

start looking for a care home. Everyone comes to the point that they cannot go on caring- sounds like you have reached it
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
75
0
I'm struggling to cope now. She is often fighting and arguing and blaming me for it. I have been getting ill and getting hacked off sometimes and she starts shouting at me to "grow up" She also criticizes me for mistakes I make. I had all this with my uncle who used to live with me and the only person I can talk to in my family is my cousin. I can't bear it anymore.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,188
0
South coast
I really do think it would be a good idea to contact Social Services and tell them that you are unable to continue caring for your mum.
Have you got any further with trying to find a place of your own?