Should I contact Social Services?

[karaokePete]

Hello @Jazzmax

I don't see the need to refer to the Day Centre by that name. My wife calls it 'going to her classes'(maybe because they use flip charts during some activities), and I know that the loved ones of others here have referred to 'going to their club'.

Just call it whatever will work and take the break - I'd be lost if my wife didn't go to Day Care.

 

[Jazzmax]

Thank you. I just hope she will settle there so I can relax for a few hours without feeling guilty.

 

[AwayWithTheFairies]

Could the caref take her out for a walk? She might be more easily distracted from your absence that at home.

 

[Jazzmax]

Hadn't thought of that, her mobility isn't too good but with the time it takes to get ready etc then the walk, it would take a good part of the time. Thank you, it is definitely an option. The problem is even before lockdown etc it was always just the two of us doing everything together. The hope is that I get a bit of a breather to recharge my batteries so I can keep going.

The Day Centre suggestion is hopefully to give her some social interaction as she is going into herself but my worry is, if she won't settle in her own home without me, what is she going to be like in the Day Centre? I know we have to persevere but I hate seeing her so distressed. I know we are not the only couple going through this, my sister has likened it to taking her son to school for the first time! Wish us luck.

 

[AwayWithTheFairies]

Day centers have fun things to do and people who are practiced at distracting and redirecting PWD, so why not give it a try?

 

[Jazzmax]

Certainly going to give it a try. Have booked carer again for next Sunday and sughested the walk kdea which they have agreed to. Thank you once again, sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees!

 

[AwayWithTheFairies]

Glad to help. I’m not even at your stage yet but I have been reading mainly this site a lot! It’s very educational and I am working out what I will do if and when, in each scenario. I am looking at local day centres though, before mum became cognitively impaired she was recovering from dad’s death and surgery a few years ago and I bossily insisted she go to the local Senior Centre, just for exercise classes. She made friends and likes going there for all sorts of activities now. It was a real blow that it was closed for over a year due to the pandemic and she can’t access anything online (they did little anyway).

In fact the pandemic closure of the centre I believe set her on a steep slide and now she can’t drive and gets out her credit card every time anyone asks her for money, so of course the phone rings non stop. I caught her doing it again this morning while I was on a work call, with the credit card I just replaced and had stopped the previous scam charges. Then she got a headache and fell asleep. I thought she was better but now realise I can’t leave her alone at all.

Sadly I have to move her back to live with me in England so we are starting again from scratch with finding activities.

 

[Jazzmax]

Well session at Day Centre went ok. She spent a couple of hours there, apparently she was very quiet and wouldn't eat lunch but when I went to pick her up, I stayed and chatted to some of the others and got her to engage a little bit more. With some persuasion from us collectively she has agreed to go again on Thursday for "an hour". Baby steps but it is a start. Didn't know what to do with myself but will be more constructive next time. Thanks for your help and listening to me.

 

[Jazzmax]

So sorry to hear about your Mum. Regarding the credit card, could you give her a Nectar Card or something similar with numbers on so she thinks she is using her credit card? It will soon stop the scammers.

 

[AwayWithTheFairies]

Good idea for when we get to England, anyway, I have just got a new card for her that is attached to her bank and I will keep charge of so I can manage her expenses, and going to cancel the old one which is with a separate firm anyway, but leave it in her purse. That’ll fix em! Nasty lot. Glad the visit to Centre was ok. I had to go with mum at first and pretend I needed it, funnily enough now I am going because the exercises help my frozen shoulder and I do need it! And well, why not? It’s kind of virtuous. But she was happy to go without me for several years once she got going, has friends made their who still call for lunch and still would go alone happily, if she could drive herself.