1. mw52

    mw52 Registered User

    Aug 25, 2006
    32
    Leeds
    Hi - there might already be something somewhere so apologies if I am repeating an earlier thread. I know as I'm sat here - in tears which I have been all day today really - that one of you will have some suggestions.
    Just been to see mum - she's been in the nursing home just over a month now. She was in her room - usually she is in the lounge - and there were the remains of her breakfast (toast and marmalade - she doesn't like marmalade and I've twice given the staff a typed list of likes/dislikes) and also her lunch. The dessert was jelly - which was all over her clothes, on the floor, on the chair. She was sat with her eyes closed - dozing - but with that blank expression on her face (don't know if this is common amongst AD suffers - mum has dementia with lewy bodies). She knew it was me and I started to try and clean her up but not easy. So I went to look for a care assistant/nurse to help me change mum's clothes - she was quite sharp with me and also mum. When we'd finished I asked if the ward manager was available. She came to see me and I said why has mum been left alone in her room to eat her lunch - I was really upset. She said oh we put her a pinny on but she took it off. There's no way my mum could manage to take a pinny off. So I said please don't leave her on her own again but she said mum wanted to be in her room. We went through all this when mum was in an intermediate care bed before she was admitted for psychiatric assessment and we were fobbed off with "patients rights .... we can't make people sit in the lounge if they don't want to ....blah blah".
    I don't want to make too much of a fuss because I don't want the staff to be mean to mum. But my dad is having to pay £600 a week for her care and what savings they have aren't going to last long. I don't know what to do - should I complain and if so who to?
    I thought it was too good to be true when we got a place for her so quickly and the staff seemed to be really caring but today all the residents were just slumped in chairs in front of the tv - no staff sitting with them.
    Any suggestions - what have other people done?
    Thanks for reading - I know now why people apologise for their long posts but it has helped just to get it off my chest
    mw
     
  2. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    I am sure others here are in a better position to help with advice ... but I wonder how staff can quote 'patients rights' when they are dealing with dementia patients......???? I feel an essential element of caring is to stand up for the rights of those who can no longer do it for themselves.... (despite all the obstacles and hurdles of confidentiality and 'Jobsworth' folk).

    My answer to your question is "Yes" you MUST complain - the money being paid is immaterial ... your mum should expect her basic 'human rights' to be treated with dignity ...... and those who love and care for her to have their opinions treated with respect.....

    I can understand the concerns about 'making things worse' - but if that's a concern then I really start to get concerned ... if that makes sense...

    You need to have the confidence that mum is appropriately looked after ... saying nothing is not going to achieve that.....

    All my own humble opinion .....

    Love Karen, x
     
  3. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    A Little Support....

    I've sadly had similar 'treatment' for my husband but in HOSPITAL not a care home.


    His last stroke he was 'blind' for several days.
    The nursing staff would not 'help' him eat .... nor would they pour his water into a plastic cup.. from his jug !!


    I 'complained' .... politely ..... and asked the nurses who were all stood 'busily' chatting at the 'nurses station'...
    Could they please see that hubby has some help with these things.....?


    I WAS TOLD.......


    IT WAS AGAINST HIS HUMAN RIGHTS ....... AND THAT IF HE CHOSE NOT TO POUR WATER INTO THE CUP OR EAT ....... IT WAS HIS DOING !!!


    I came home and sent an e mail via the secretary to the ward consultant..... expressing my concerns.


    I sent a copy of the e mail.... to the ward fax........


    This is ONLY my story .... and I hope you find a resolution to your problems.


    If it were ME...... then I think I would speak quietly to possibly ....
    one of the more 'junior' members of staff ..... keep it friendly/chatty.....
    Sound them out ..... see what kind of reaction you get first....


    I hope that you can resolve this soon.


    Take Care


    DaisyG
     
  4. patriciacolliso

    patriciacolliso Registered User

    Nov 23, 2005
    20
    london
    care home

    hello mw52 I HAVE BEEN THOUGH THE SAME THING HAS YOU WITH MY HUSBAND WHO HAS ALZEIMERS. THE CARE HOME HE WAS IN , THE CARERS WERE ALWAYS VERY RUDE. THEY ABUSED THE POOR PEOPLE IN THERE[ I WAS THERE AND I SAW IT HAPPEN] THEY DID NOT GET ANY DRINKS, I USED TO MAKE THEM AFTERNOON TEA MYSELF. THEY DID NOT FEED THE OLD LADY IN THERE WHO WAS 98 YEARS OLD. THE MANAGER USED TO SIT ON HIS BACKSIDE ALL TIME. HE USED TO TELL ME THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER , BUT HE COULD CARE LESS. IN THE END I REPORTED THEM TO SOCIAL SERVICES AND AGE CONCERN. THESE PEOPLE WERE GREAT. SOME CARERS WERE SACKED ON THE SPOT. THE MANSGER WAS TOLD THAT IF HE DID NOT INPROVE THINGS, HE WOULD BE SACKED. SOCIAL SERVICES AND AGE CONCERN HELPED ME TO GET MY POOR HUSBAND INTO A LOVELY HOME NOW. AND THE CARERS ARE REALLY GREAT. THEY MAKE MY HUSBAND SMILE AND YOU CAN TALK AND DISCUSS ANTHING WITH THEM . THEY ARE GREAT. I AM REALLY PLEASED WITH THEM. SO MY ADVICE IS COMPLAIN, DONT PUT UP WITH IT. IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH THINGS. IT IS ONLY BY COMPLAINING THAT THINGS INPROVE. I WISH YOU LUCK . PAT.
     
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya MW52,
    As you say these people are caring for mum, so it is important to try and keep them on side.
    Does mum have a care plan? There should be one. We have stated that we do not want my mum left in her room during the day. The Care Plan should detail your mum's ability to feed herself and what supervision she needs. I think that you and dad could ask for an appointment with the NH manager to discuss how mum is settling after a month, and raise your concerns (Maybe have them in writing as well - just to help him out- and keep a copy for yourself) I think a softly softly approach might be better in the first instance, rather than going in all guns blazing.
    Love Helen
     
  6. mw52

    mw52 Registered User

    Aug 25, 2006
    32
    Leeds
    Thanks for your support

    Thanks to you all - you've got me sussed Helen. I would have gone in guns blazing - even with tears rolling down my cheeks!
    Waiting for my sister to get home from work (she on "lates") - she is going tomorrow so will ask her to have a word with the manager. As for dad - there's no way he would ask - he's of the generation where you don't question people in authority - i.e. doctors, nurses, etc., as "they know best"!
    Feeling a bit better than I did a few hours again but ................. how long for?
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Being honest MW52, probably not for long- so just enjoy feeling a bit better whilst you can!
    Love Helen
     
  8. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi mw52
    I think Helen's advice is the best course to take,if that does not work ,then go in with all guns blazing!!!!
    Norman
    (one of Dad's generation)
     
  9. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Hi mw52
    Try the softly, softly approach, it may work and as Norman said if not it's all guns blazing....:eek: All care/nursing homes have to give information how to make a complaint if you need too. At the end of the day, your Mum is a client/resident & CUSTOMER, ie they are being paid to provide a service for her therefore at the moment it would seem they are not fulfilling the contract. I don't know the availablity of emi homes in your area but you can move her if you so wish.
    Good luck and keep us posted.

    Ps Can't do better than Helen's advice below.:)



    Helen, absolutely perfect! Concentrates the mind....;)
     
  10. willemm

    willemm Registered User

    Sep 20, 2006
    41
    Bill

    Hi
    I'm new to the forum, but not new to dementia, or care homes. My wife has been in a few for respite purposes, but all have been pretty good.
    The conditions of some I have read about in this thread are appalling, and not to be suffered. However, it's not a situation to be rushed, nevertheless a complaint, properly expressed, preferably to the highest authority in the home (Proprietor or Manager) and a copy kept, is essential.
    What I would advise is to check out homes that are csci registered (Commission for Social Care is a government body that inspects homes on 38 "standards" ranging from health, safety, hygiene, choice, individuality, etc). These homes have a complaints and a "whistle blowing" policy that are not ignored.
    Go to their website www.csci.org.uk, find any homes within your reach. There will be a long report on each unannounced inspection of these homes if you take the time. Short list a few to visit and discuss your needs and how they can meet them, as well as costs. You will be shown around and given opportunity to ask any questions you like. If you find one or two that you are happy about, get on their waiting list (which is likely as their standards make them popular).
    I hope this is of help to you. There are good homes out there, they just need finding.
    Good luck and best wishes
     
  11. wendy43uk

    wendy43uk Registered User

    Dec 22, 2005
    64
    sheffield
    hi

    HELLO dose mum have a keyworker find out who she is and when shes at work talk to her about mums care what uou want for mum and what u expect to be done tell her uou worry alot i work in a emi unit and my hubby has alz , try to find out if staff have the nvq 2if uou are looking for a diffrent home half should have or the home is going to be **** as people that have it allways cross thier T AND . THE IIF UOU NO WHAT I MEAN IN THE MEANTINE VISIT OFTON i don t think a carer would be to rotton to mum just becarce they dont like u that would be unbeleveble not in our home anyway ihope things improve when uou go again
     
  12. mw52

    mw52 Registered User

    Aug 25, 2006
    32
    Leeds
    Thanks for your support

    Thanks to you all for your suggestions and support - the cooling off was the best advice! My dad went yesterday and he rang me to say that she was fine and had got one of her nice dresses on and was in the lounge. They went to her room so they could listen to some music - which is what they used to do at home. My sister went last night and spoke to the manager and one of the hca's who seems to be of the mum's main carer's. She said they were all fine with her and that mum was in the dining area of the lounge having tea with some other residents and there were plenty of staff about. So - I must have picked a bad time and as I was feeling pretty low myself it all got blown out of proportion!!!!!:eek:
    My mum remembered that I'd been to see her but she told my sister that I was drunk!!! As if!
    Anyway, thanks again. I've found TP to be a great source of comfort and advice
    Maureenx
     
  13. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    It is always a good thing to note that care homes have bad days, exactly as we do at home, when our loved one may be lovely, or they may be having a bad day and we get frazzled.

    In a care home that gets multiplied up by the number of residents, and they also have staff who have good and bad days, and visitors who are the same too, good day, bad day.

    So it is best never to judge a care home on a single viewing - and that goes for their good days, as well as their bad ones! If we visit on a fortuitous 'good' day, we may believe that all days are like that. Never is this so, unfortunately.

    We just have to take a balance.
     

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