Should I change carers

[anita1780]

hello everyone , my mum has vascular dementia, about two months ago I hired 5 carers taking turns to care for my mum 24 hrs a day ,I had a bit of trouble with Two of them but things were going ok , however my mum bite one of them one day while she was changing her nappy , nothing serious but the girl seems upset , she complained to the main carer and this person took her side , I was polite and offered some antiseptic cream, next day a person that cooks that has worked in the house for Two years commented that maybe mum felt attacked or scared that’s why she acted like that , the main carer seemed offended by this comments and took ofense like if the person that cooks was saying she didn’t know how to do her job properly, even suggested she could take one of the carers job, the main carer seems very moody since then even neglecting my mum , the problem is that all the carers are friends and they try to protect each other, every time I make a criticism or suggestion about the carers the main carer takes it personally , she even told me she has to defend her friends, I thought I had a good relationship with her until that incident , I want to start with another care agency but I talked to my mums doctor he said I should try to solve the situation with the carers I have because there is not guarantee I could get better carers , I could even get worse but he doesn’t know the situation very well

Thanks everyone for your reply

 

[Ruskin]

hello everyone , my mum has vascular dementia, about two months ago I hired 5 carers taking turns to care for my mum 24 hrs a day ,I had a bit of trouble with Two of them but things were going ok , however my mum bite one of them one day while she was changing her nappy , nothing serious but the girl seems upset , she complained to the main carer and this person took her side , I was polite and offered some antiseptic cream, next day a person that cooks that has worked in the house for Two years commented that maybe mum felt attacked or scared that’s why she acted like that , the main carer seemed offended by this comments and took ofense like if the person that cooks was saying she didn’t know how to do her job properly, even suggested she could take one of the carers job, the main carer seems very moody since then even neglecting my mum , the problem is that all the carers are friends and they try to protect each other, every time I make a criticism or suggestion about the carers the main carer takes it personally , she even told me she has to defend her friends, I thought I had a good relationship with her until that incident , I want to start with another care agency but I talked to my mums doctor he said I should try to solve the situation with the carers I have because there is not guarantee I could get better carers , I could even get worse but he doesn’t know the situation very well

Thanks everyone for your reply

First of all, because your cook has been with you for two years, it does not give her the authority to make sweeping comments about new members of staff, who are there to look after your Mums welfare. If it was meant as a joke, it certainly didn't get any laughs. Even if she is an old friend you have known for years, she should have acted more professionally, taken you aside, and had a quiet word with you.

Now look where you are, after things were going so well, back to square one. You must also realise, there is not a bottomless pit of carers for you to choose from, and like any industry, the care agencies communicate with each other. News travels fast in their offices.

You have all got to work as a team in harmony if you want to succeed, and you as the team leader, must be prepared to do make the decision some may not like. Put an accident book in a prominent place to record any minor incidences. Spend 10 minutes a day with each carer, for them to voice any concerns, make suggestions, the ideal time to point out to them if there is something you are not happy with. You know your Mother better than anyone else, so your input is crucial.

Anyway, I wish you all the best with your new care team, and you tell your Queen Bee, the cook, to keep her wooden spoon firmly in the pot please, and never again use it, for stirring up trouble in your home.

 

[anita1780]

Hello

Well the cook is not only a cook, she also lhelped to look after my mum when she didn’t need 24 hour care ,mum suffered a hip fracture and things got worse ,she also gave me support when mum was hospitalised , etc,so have some knowledge of dementia, she likes to stir trouble a bit and take my side to keep her job but don’t think she did it with a bad intention, her mother in law died from the disease also so she talks with some knowledge , worries me that the main carer is still moody after two days ,not talking to the cook, an uncle came to visit yesterday and she was very serious and didn’t say a word, he commented on that , she wants to put on most of the shifts two members of staff I didn’t have problems with , and her and the other girls to do less shifts ,but not sure they will cope because one of the carers has another job looking after other patients, she is a lovely girl but usually arrives late because of her other job ,the main carer also told me some not very professional comments in a not very nice way like she was always going to defend her friends, she was at my home not to make friends but to work, etc, however she asked me for favours that you would ask a friend before, I brought her some stuff from abroad , etc

I know there is not an endless pot of carers , that worries me too ,my carers are just a group of friends that work together , I would hire from a proper agency if I go ahead with changing carers ,hope agencies dont communicate in Peru, where I am, they are all private and I pay them all by myself although is very difficult and expensive we don’t have social services , the only thing that stops me is that I could get even worse carers and laziness to train carers from zero again, I’m also tired an overwhelmed by the whole illness and situation and tired of making decisions as I’m an only child and I have to make all

 

[love.dad.but..]

I understand you are in a different country. However it seems to me you have two main problems. Your mum's illness is causing behaviour changes the biting may be a one off and her lack of understanding and reaction is part of her decline and she may need more dementia expertise caring than the current carers can give or know how to handle someone who is declining have they had any dementia training?. Biting is a serious issue and needs to be recognised as such. Carers who are friends can be a good thing but it can also work against ...with using an agency the staff will have been properly trained and you have the arrangement on a professional basis so any complaints or grievances by you or the carers are dealt with appropriately. Generally there probably is a lack of carers available in most countries but you have to decide what factors in care are most important to you and even more importantly for your mother

 

[anita1780]

Hello

My mum is quiet most of the time , just difficult with nappy changes and eating , the carers I hired told me they had experience with dementia patients, however I’m not sure they were honest with me because they seem surprised with normal dementia behaviour like wandering, delusions, hallucinations , etc , my mums doctor doesn’t want to prescribe any antipsychotic drugs as he thinks it’s not beneficial for her , the carers keep making hints that they want her medicated

 

[Shedrech]

hi @anita1780
this is a concern

the carers keep making hints that they want her medicated

and would be making me wonder whether it is time to look for other carers - or take on some training for the ones you have
I agree with your cook that

maybe mum felt attacked or scared that’s why she acted like that

which shows a level of understanding that the carers seem to be missing
I just had a very similar conversation with the staff in dad's care home, and we all agreed that we would probably resist if someone just took us aside and tried to change our pants and give us a shower! - so these tasks have to be taken on understanding that - medicating someone for personal care is an absolute last resort (and can actually make the situation worse) - sadly sometimes dad shouts out and definitely doesn't like having the personal care - the carers do their best to reassure him and explain what's happening and work as quickly as they can

might you add Peru to your profile so that members can see where you are - someone may have some local knowledge to share with you

 

[Ruskin]

Hello

Well the cook is not only a cook, she also lhelped to look after my mum when she didn’t need 24 hour care ,mum suffered a hip fracture and things got worse ,she also gave me support when mum was hospitalised , etc,so have some knowledge of dementia, she likes to stir trouble a bit and take my side to keep her job but don’t think she did it with a bad intention, her mother in law died from the disease also so she talks with some knowledge , worries me that the main carer is still moody after two days ,not talking to the cook, an uncle came to visit yesterday and she was very serious and didn’t say a word, he commented on that , she wants to put on most of the shifts two members of staff I didn’t have problems with , and her and the other girls to do less shifts ,but not sure they will cope because one of the carers has another job looking after other patients, she is a lovely girl but usually arrives late because of her other job ,the main carer also told me some not very professional comments in a not very nice way like she was always going to defend her friends, she was at my home not to make friends but to work, etc, however she asked me for favours that you would ask a friend before, I brought her some stuff from abroad , etc

I know there is not an endless pot of carers , that worries me too ,my carers are just a group of friends that work together , I would hire from a proper agency if I go ahead with changing carers ,hope agencies don't communicate in Peru, where I am, they are all private and I pay them all by myself although is very difficult and expensive we don’t have social services , the only thing that stops me is that I could get even worse carers and laziness to train carers from zero again, I’m also tired an overwhelmed by the whole illness and situation and tired of making decisions as I’m an only child and I have to make all

I am so glad you got back to me. I am not a doctor, so I shan't discuss your Mothers illness.

I hope she is well and comfortable as can be

After hearing what you have said about Queen Bee's personal experience with dementia related issues, please ask her to buy a bigger wooden spoon, as I think she may need it. She is obviously a very good friend, and you and your Mum are very fortunate to have her on your team.

Where do you come into all of this? I take it you work full time to help pay for your Mothers care and medications. What I want to know is where you and the Queen fit into your Mothers planned care? Do either of you cover any of the daily 24 hour shifts caring?

 

[anita1780]

Hello

Yes I work full time and I’m away at times so at the moment I’m not caring for my mum personally but I had in the past changed her nappies and all that stuff, queen bee the cook also helps with feeding and washing clothes, cleaning her room , etc definitely the girls need more training , but they are not honest , they pretend they have training however they complain about mums behaviour, not sure it’s a cultural thing

 

[Ruskin]

Hello

Yes I work full time and I’m away at times so at the moment I’m not caring for my mum personally but I had in the past changed her nappies and all that stuff, queen bee the cook also helps with feeding and washing clothes, cleaning her room , etc definitely the girls need more training , but they are not honest , they pretend they have training however they complain about mums behaviour, not sure it’s a cultural thing

 

[MaNaAk]

Hello

My mum is quiet most of the time , just difficult with nappy changes and eating , the carers I hired told me they had experience with dementia patients, however I’m not sure they were honest with me because they seem surprised with normal dementia behaviour like wandering, delusions, hallucinations , etc , my mums doctor doesn’t want to prescribe any antipsychotic drugs as he thinks it’s not beneficial for her , the carers keep making hints that they want her medicated

Hi Anita!

I agree with your mum's GP because you would need to think about possible side-effects that medication can have. Carers are supposed to be professionals!

MaNaAk