At the moment she seems to respond better when I stay there for a long weekend. I have a real feeling she is being let down by the local services. I just feel deep down as a son that I should be there to help and protect her and I would be able to get the proper help and support she deserves. I dont know if this is a normal feeling that most sons have but it really is affecting my thoughts. Employers dont want people who have depression, despite what they say.
Yes, I think this is a natural feeling and I can understand that at the moment, caring full time seems like an obvious choice, but beware - caring is like an elephant trap, easy to slide into and difficult to get out of.
I dont know how much care your mum needs at the moment, but remember that it will inevitably increase. How do you feel about washing and dressing your mum? Dealing with incontinence? How will you cope when she gets to the stage of needing you in eye shot 24/7 and you cannot leave her at all, not even for a minute? What about when she is up all night, night after night and you get almost no sleep? Or she doesnt know who you are or where she is and thinks that a strange man has abducted her? Even the best of us find the relentless grind of looking after someone with dementia day after groundhog day stressful, isolating and often leading to depression (Ive already reached burn out once). Then when you feel desperate, that you cant take any more and contact Social Services they will ask your mum if she wants carers/day care/sitters/respite/care home (what ever it is that you need) and if (as is usually the case) she says no, then you will just be left to get on with it. Be aware that this can go on for years.
Also you have to think about what happens when your caring role comes to an end. At that point your carers allowance will end and you will be expected to find work. No matter that you are grieving, coming to terms with everything and are burnt out, let alone that you are however many years further on with no work experience - except maybe caring and I would find that too close to home.
Then there is the question of accommodation. Do you intend to live with her? If so (and I guess from your posts that you do) then you will have to think about what happens when she is no longer living there. Very few people manage to look after their relative right up to the end - dementia will take all that you have and still want more, so eventually it takes a whole team of people to look after them, not just one frazzled, sleep deprived carer - so you must seriously consider the strong possibility of a care home at this stage. Does your mum own her own home? If so, then unless you are over 60 years old and/or disabled then her home will have to be used to pay for the care home fees and you will have to look for somewhere else. If she is renting, would you be able to take over the tenancy?
Finally, do you have POA for Finances and also POA for Health and Welfare? Without these it can become very difficult to care for your mum.
Im sorry that there are so many questions here and no answers, but I think its important that you think about what is involved before you start and if you go on with it, you go in with your eyes open and not with some romantic idea of saving and protecting your mum (laudable though this is). Caring for someone with dementia is not the easy option - it is tough and seldom pretty.