Should I be suspicious?

[Felixcat1]

After years of not seeing my extended family a couple of deaths and a near death experience has put some of us back in touch. All in all a good thing. My PWD has been going to see his sister, who has had a stroke. One of my cousins has been picking him up and taking him over and during the school holidays I have picked up and taken my uncle. She has taken them more than I have because I cannot take time out during term time.
At first my cousin said that other than being old, you wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with my PWD. He is excellent at going in to hostess mode.
When we spoke recently, she said that she has noticed a difference in him. He has lost weight and they asked him how many years was it since Ann (his wife) died. His response was “who?” When they said Ann your wife he just shrugged and said he didn’t know as though Ann was a complete stranger. He was again in hostess mode as she also said he was chatting to everyone and was in good form.
Something didn’t sit right with me when she suddenly said that she was going to try to go over to see my PWD every week and she could do some cleaning etc. Maybe convince him to have careers coming in and to have an attendance alarm. Me and my sister haven’t been able to get him to agree to have these things and when he did agree when his assigned SW came out to draw up a care plan, he sent the carer and the lovely lady who came to fit the attendance alarm packing!
Whilst it is very kind of her to offer, I couldn’t help but ask why now? Our family haven’t really been in contact for at least 26 years. Is it wrong of me to be suspicious?

 

[Grannie G]

It will remain to be seen @Felixcat1

I would allow your cousin access but keep watch just in case there is any interior motive. If she is genuine another pair of hands will surely help.

 

[MartinWL]

I don't really see reason for suspicion. I suspect that deaths in a family quite often result in people coming together after many years and sometimes old animosities get burried in the cemetery along with the deceased. Maybe also when you don't have much family, and one or two of them die, you begin to value more the ones you have left. In this case maybe she just felt guilty over the previous lack of help, or sympathetic. Or maybe she has more spare time than she used to have.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I agree it may well be innocent. I spent a long time looking after my dad, he was the apple of my eye until he died in 2020 Since then I have taken or tried to take an interest in two people who knew dad when he was young although I have been somewhat thwarted by covid. These two people are my dads childhood friend who is now 91 years old who used to visit dad regularly and my 93 year old aunt who also visited my dad although not regularly but I would excuse her of that because of her age. I didn't have time when I was looking after dad but now I do and I greatly appreciate these two people who gave their valuable time to visit my poor dad when he was ill.

They gave precious time to dad which I am very thankful for and if get to spend some time with either of them to chat about dad then I will be grateful. They both loved dad and if I can give them some of my time then it will make me very happy. I have nothing to gain from this and I don't feel like I have crawled out of the woodwork. I just want to chat with them about dad and also to let them know how much I appreciated their visits.

 

[Felixcat1]

Thank you to all for your replies. When we were much younger we did spend a lot of time with these cousins in particular. We all lost touch as we moved on to secondary school and became more independent. Part of me wants to see the immense positives in having extra help, but I will keep an eye on things all the same. Thanks again.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

A bit of suspicion does no harm as long as you 1) don't 'big it up' in your head, i.e. overthink it, and 2) don't act on it unless you are absolutely certain.

Just a personal opinion as I am a suspicious person! (Unfortunately justified on a few memorable occasions...)