Should I be helping my mam with the words....

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by Davina, Feb 9, 2008.

  1. Davina

    Davina Registered User

    Feb 9, 2008
    County Durham
    I am new to TP but very glad i found the site i have been reading through the last 3 weeks and its been a great help.I am going through the same scenario. My mam was diagnoised with alzheimers almost 3 weeks ago now... i'm finding it very hard to come to terms with i keep crying then getting very angry i have a 6 month old daughter and a very supportive partner. My brother is in Iraq and not home for another couple of months and mam doesn't want him to know until he's back home. Its all a big shock but the Alzheimers Society have been very helpfull. But i am so worried about my mam, she lives on her own and @ the moment its very hard to believe she has alzheimers although a couple of times she has forgot certain names for items i.e she would say " you know that thing you take when you have a cold" and she would mean a Lemsip drink. Or she would forget what time it is during the day. I'm finding it hard as i don't know whats the best way to tell my mam when she says is it 3.30pm and i say no mam its 12 O Clock? i'm probably not making any sense either sorry! can anyone help to advise? should i be helping my mam with the words she is trying to find? Please helpx :confused:
  2. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Hello Davina,

    It's always a shock when someone is diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease..please try not to sounds as though your mam is in the early can take some time to move from one stage to the next.

    I don't think there's any harm in prompting mam to find the right word for husband and I used to make a game of it..he'd know he was wrong and I'd give him a clue..

    I'm glad you found hoping someone may move your post as I'm not sure it's in the right place..don't worry..there will be others along soon!!

    Love Gigi x
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Davina, I have moved your post, as Gigi suggested, to a Thread of it`s own. You should get more support like this.

    I can understand your mother not wanting your brother in Iraq to know her diagnosis until he comes home.

    I can also understand how upset you are.

    As long as your mother sees your help as positive, you should help her in any way you can. There may come a time when she resents your help and then you may have to make sure your help is very low key.

    Just play it by ear, you can only do your best. But don`t forget to take care of yourself too. You are shocked, even though you knew something was wrong, you are upset and you are angry. All these emotions are draining and will exhaust you.

    Take any help you can get and keep posting on TP to let us know how you are.

    Love xx
  4. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    Hi Davina,

    I'm so sorry to hear your news but I'm glad that you have found your way to TP. It has been a God send to me - before I found this site I was in bits but here there is help and support and no judgement and that's a wonderful thing to have.

    I can understand your mum not wanting to tell your brother yet - although it does make it harder for you to have to deal with it by yourself at the moment.

    My mum also has dementia and I have a young family. If it is Alzheimers that your mum has I assume she is in early stages and she could stay there for quite some time.

    I personally would continue to help your mum find the words, as long as she seems comfortable with that.
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #5 Margarita, Feb 11, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2008

    Good question really , only found this thread , because Kate done one in the Main forum , mention your name so I look for it :)

    My mother was 70 when she was told she had AZ .

    I found with my mother she get very annoyed if I pick up on anything in her wording that she got wrong .
    If you think about it , it must of affected her self esteem to be reminded all the time she getting it wrong

    As If I was in my mother shoes, I don't want to be reminded that I am forgetting words, getting it all wrong all wrong all the time .

    So I would use words like " Oh you mean " "" don't worry we all can became forgetful "

    with the time I just had to say , No mum its 12 0' clock not 3: 30 . No its not Monday its Tuesday.

    (Get a yearly palanner hang it up in the kitchen , so she can mark of the days of the week , that help us )

    I know at the beginning of mum AZ , every time she forget a word in a sentences , for get what time , day its was . I found it very hard to deal with , because I felt it was progressing.

    It was hard showing a brave face , while mum was coping as best as she could .

    I did find it harder with my mother temper , because she would not admit they was anything wrong with her to anyone .

    so had to be very care full with my wording with her when people where around .

    she just felt shamed embarrassed really , she good on putting on a brave face in front of people, who can blame her.
  6. Davina

    Davina Registered User

    Feb 9, 2008
    County Durham
    Thank you for your help and advice.... (thank you Grannie for moving my post:) )

    My Mam is 54 and I am 34, they diagnosed Mam 3 weeks ago with Alzheimers after she had a MRI Scan which showed that the memory part of her brain had shrunk.... its a huge shock but @ least now we know whats been causing her forgetfullness.

    I think the biggest shock of all is the doctor advising Mam to 'live life everyday to the full' as well as not knowing how long we have left

    Since finding this site, ringing the society and reading various books we know more about the illness, which has helped me come to terms with this dredfull diagnosis.

    I bought the Christein Bryden book and was able to talk to my Mam about things and be able to relate to what she is going through, before she used to say she was fine and wasn't thinking about it.

    Today I was able to talk to my Mam about this horrible illness.
    She told me that she feels normal and tries to do everything as normaly as possible but occassionaly finds herself jumbling up the words or forgetting what she was talking about. I felt like I had connected with her today about the illness for the first time and told her to take her time and not rush things. She told me she is trying to do a jigsaw but has only managed a few pieces, I told her it doesn't matter how long it takes, just try not to get frustrated and she has all the time in the world.

    My Mam is also my best friend and I can tell her anything. I know she is worried about my feelings and doesn't want me to worry about her.

    We are waiting for an appointment with the specialist and she hasn't been prescribed any medication yet, we have looked into alternative types of treatment eg. ginkgo biloba and various vitamins. Haas anyone any thoughts on this????

    Thanks, Davina x
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    You have done so well Davina.

    You are certainly trying to be as proactive as possible in the steps you are taking to help your mother. If you can talk about it openly, it will help both of you so much.

    Gingko Biloba is supposed to help circulation. Nothing has been proved but it can`t do any harm. If your mother is on any medication, she should consult her doctor before taking it.

    Keep posting

    love xx
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    How lovely you can share moments like that with your mother , my mother would never open up about her AZ . different generation may be.

    your mother my generation as I am 49 . to me 54 is still young I do feel for your mother and for you of course .

    Yes that must of been hard to take in , but good advice .

    I don't know about those alternative types of treatment , but do hope specialist offer your mother AZ drugs and she take them xx

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