Should I attend Mums medical appt?

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,694
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Auckland...... New Zealand
My Mum 72 is in mid stages of AD, recently having a brain CT scan. No immediate physical cause found.
Mum & Dad live in their own house at the back of our property, and in most respects I am Mums carer. I also have POA for her health & welfare.

Today I received a letter for a follow up appt. to see the Geriatrician possibly to discuss next steps following mums CT scan and possibly to discuss suitability for Aricept.

Problem is the appt is on my day of work , and I have no paid leave left.
Work would certainly give me time off unpaid, but my older sister has said she would take Mum to her appt. and I don't need to take time off my work, when she doesn't work.
On one hand I feel that this appt is of some importance and I should be there also, least if all I have questions being Mums main carer who oversees all her meds.
On the other hand, my sister has said previous that she feels I am taking over and feeling left out.

Would appreciate thoughts.
 

HelenInBC

Registered User
Mar 23, 2013
242
0
If you and your sister have a good relationship and you feel she can handle the appointment, I say let her take your mum. You could write down any questions you have and ask her to ask on your behalf.
I am the main carer for my elderly mom who has AD and I have learned to take any help that my siblings offer when possible. It can become quite overwhelming when you try to do everything yourself.
 

Hair Twiddler

Registered User
Aug 14, 2012
891
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Middle England
I would be inclined to accept your sisters offer. If your mum is prescribed Aricept on that day and you feel that you still have some unanswered questions which your sister didn't cover then a phone call to the geriatrician's secretary will be easily done. Another follow-up appointment to review your mum's progress with the new drug may also come round sooner than you think.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,452
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Kent
I`m one who doesn`t like second hand information , so I would make every effort to attend an important appointment.
Saying this, I have never had anyone else I could rely on to go in my place so you are in a completely different situation Lin.
I was also very lucky, when caring for my mother, to have a headteacher who gave me time off work to attend such appointments. It was called compassionate leave.
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
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London
before hand you may consider whether you want her to take aricept if offered re side effects etc..then relay this to your sister
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
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East Kent
Hi.
If your firm has Compassionate or carers leave, I would be inclind to use that but if not , take it as unpaid and go with your Sister this time

the reason I say this time is and I dont know if this is possible as you hold LPA for your Mum or if this is something you wish to do,
is to take a signed dated letter with you stating that you are happy for them to discuss your mum and her treatment with your sister if you are unable to be at appointments.

Personally I am like Sylvia, and prefer to get things first hand
 

60's child

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
588
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suffolk
If it were me I would probably stand back and let my sister go to the appointment. I think it was your last comment that has pointed me in that direction ie that your sister feels left out. Caring for someone with dementia, as is so apparent on this forum can stretch family relationships to breaking point. Letting your sister take some responsibility now will hopefully keep your relationship on a more equal footing which is so imprtant if you are the main carer. My sister felt left out as she is not local and I live next door. Luckily she told me this and when she can help I let her. She went to Mums first appt at memory clinic where aricept was prescribed. I wanted to go but like you had to work. She came back with lots of written information about the drug and contact numbers to call for advice. If you decide not to go you could write down any questions for your sister to ask. I know how easy it is to feel totally responsible if you are the main carer but dementia is a long road and I have realised I cannot do it all on my own, so am very pleased I have my sister on board as well. I wish you luck with your decision. We have all given such different opinions I hope it has not confused you..
 
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Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
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I would let your sister go, there will be plenty of more appointments of that you can be sure. Your sister can pass on the information.
 

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,694
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Auckland...... New Zealand
Thanks for the replies. Sort of 50/50 :)
One time before, both of us went to Mums appt. but I still don't think my sister feels I should take time off work when she can take Mum.
In New Zealand we have sick/domestic leave which covers illness and care for yourself and immediate family members. We get 10 days a year and I have already used them up. 5 days with Mum alone.
I suppose too, that because I see Mum everyday, if she starts asking me questions about her appt and the doctor and if on new meds ( she always seems to remember things like this) then I will have answers with having been there with her.

Arrrghhhhhh... This is so hard :(
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,541
0
Thanks for the replies. Sort of 50/50 :)
One time before, both of us went to Mums appt. but I still don't think my sister feels I should take time off work when she can take Mum.
In New Zealand we have sick/domestic leave which covers illness and care for yourself and immediate family members. We get 10 days a year and I have already used them up. 5 days with Mum alone.
I suppose too, that because I see Mum everyday, if she starts asking me questions about her appt and the doctor and if on new meds ( she always seems to remember things like this) then I will have answers with having been there with her.

Arrrghhhhhh... This is so hard :(


If you don't trust your sister to be able to pass this information on to you, then you could ask her to bring a little tape recorder in with her so that you will have a record to remind mum with if she forgets? You can get tiny ones that will fit in your pocket for £50 and can be used over and over. This would probably be cheaper than losing days off work, your sister will be helping and you'll be getting the information first hand without being there.
 

zelana

Registered User
Feb 11, 2013
127
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N E Lincs
I think you should let your sister go with your Mum. If your Mum later asks questions that you can't answer could you phone your sister and get the answers from her? Your sister probably hasn't realised this might happen and the only way she's going to know is if you keep having to ask her.
 

KingB

Registered User
May 8, 2011
254
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Berkshire
If it were me I think I would take the unpaid leave option and go - but with sister as well. Since you are her carer they may be information that you can give that your sister just doesn't have the same knowledge of. Also - you may pick up on things that might not come across second hand. It is hard to stand back and you will probably be happier if you go. If your sis goes too then she is not being left out, and is in a better position to share the load with you as things move on, since she will not have to rely on second hand either.
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
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Toronto, Canada
The advantage of having two people go is that one person may pick up something the other missed. Having said that, the fact you have no unpaid leave left and your sister is offering to go is reason enough for me to let your sister go on her own. As others have already said, give her a list of your questions and she may well have a list of her own. If you trust her judgement, I think you should do it.