1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    126
    Nottingham
    After what I thought was a stunning performance with the consultant yesterday things have gone awry today. I arrived on the ward at lunchtime to be told by one of the nurses that my husband was in a dreadfully angry mood today. I looked at his food and liquid chart and yes, he had refused absolutely everything. One of the student nurses told me he had actually thrown his mid-morning milk across the dining room table splashing one of the other patients. When I went to see him he was indeed very angry - told me to go in no uncertain terms and was verbally abusive to me. I tried to get a promise out of him that he would at least have his fortisips at lunchtime but who knows? So I am back at teatime and I will stay and try and feed him if necessary. Back to square one. Lets hope the ward lends me a plastic apron otherwise it might mean a load more washing tonight!!

    Love from Sammyb
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,730
    Kent
    So Sorry Sammy, it`s awful having to face that behaviour.

    It`s so difficult to know whether or not he has any control over it. Is he hitting out because he`s angry, he doesn`t want to be in that hospital, he doesn`t want that illness, or is he really out of control and unaware how his behaviour manifests itself.

    I hope you have a better teatime.

    Love xx
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Oh Sammy I am so sorry. Nothing I can say except to hope that things are a tad better this tea time.

    Thinking of you.
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sammy, so sorry that things were so bad today, after a good day yesterday. I do hope things are better at tea time.

    Love and hugs,
     
  5. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    126
    Nottingham
    My gut reaction Sylvia, is that he is totally in control - just extremely angry!! I visited tonight and he was still steaming - wanting me to go. Ward staff say he has been angry since his return from the assessment yesterday so the logic in me says it must have something to do with that. Perhaps the trip off the ward didn't suit him or, perhaps, he knows he did well in a lot of the assessment and, therefore, doesn't think he should be in hospital. Anyway, he had a fortisips tonight through a bit of bargaining - I said I wouldn't leave the ward until he'd drunk one so he did and very quickly! I don't know - married 26 years ago today and all he wants is to be shot of me. I can live with that! But, obviously I am worried because that is all he has had to eat and drink all day and I am concerned most about his hydration levels and that they might need to take him off the ward and into another one for a drip. Mind you, the mood he is in it wouldn't stay in long!!!!!!!! Another big tea and small Asti required again I think - and yes I am still on the same bottle of Asti. It'll be going flat soon.

    Love from Sammyb
     
  6. deepzerothree

    deepzerothree Registered User

    Oct 17, 2007
    8
    birmingham uk
    teatime

    hope you got on alright at teatime,didnt get too much custard over you lol,seriously hope he was in a better mood .have you asked about milsulpride it calmed dot down she almost normal now .take care :)
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,730
    Kent
    Dear Sammy.

    I don`t suppose there`s much point in wishing you a happy anniversary, because it hasn`t been very happy so far.

    When your husband calms down, it might be worth trying to find out if he remembers how angry he was and why. You`d need to be quite subtle, but it might give you either, confirmation that he is in control and knows what he`s doing, or vice versa.

    Also, if he was angry even when you weren`t there, it`s not necessarily against you.

    Sometimes we need to cling to straws.

    Love xx
     
  8. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    126
    Nottingham
    Hi Sylvia - I think he was possibly less angry with me than the staff - if that were possible. He swore at me and turned his back but he did drink the fortisips which he hadn't for the staff. So that's a plus. Apparently he woke up angry this morning. Poor lad, I think he just wants to come home but daren't even think or hope that that might happen. Just one half a wall of his den to paint and then I'll start putting all the furniture back in the right place and hanging, again, his longbow from the ceiling - just don't ask Sylvia, just don't ask!! I'm hiding the arrows though!

    Love from Sammyb
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,730
    Kent
    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: .........................................;)
     
  10. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Jean gets very very angry more frequently these days. With it comes paranoia that she is being laughed at and the people reflections that she talks to almost constantly are trying to get at her in some way.

    I am used to the food I put in front of her not being eaten and coffee cup contents thrown all over the patio door and i have some tranquilisers for her which I do not tend to use.

    The point I am trying to make is that I do not find any comfort in attempting to use logic to discern what has caused the anger. Within 15 minutes it may have gone and Jean is back to smiles again.

    On the other hand, it sometimes lasts all day and well into the night.

    There does not seem to be any trigger that I can find. I just have to accept what is happening and hope that it will pass.

    I am sure that the anger is not directed at me, its just that I am the recipient of it.

    If someone else was doing the caring, they would have it instead.

    Hang on in there and do your best. No one can expect more.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,730
    Kent
    Dear Grommit,

    I know the above was addressed to Sammy but I do wish I could hold on to it. I find it so hard not to take it personally.

    I`m not as bad as I was, I suppose you can get used to anything, but I still find it very hard not to be upset by the antagonism.

    Must try harder....................:)
     
  12. Petrus

    Petrus Registered User

    Aug 7, 2007
    61
    Northumberland
    Dealing with Anger

    Sammyb,
    I sympathise with you. J. and I both have short fuses and for almost 40 years we have had to be careful not to spark each other - we would fail every 2 or 3 months; just at the moment it feels like every 2 or 3 hours. Out of desperation, I am having to learn to treat J's verbal aggression (furious, frustrated anger) as though it were water thrown at my back and I were a duck.

    Talked with the consultant yesterday about the current situation where J. goes ballistic when faced with going to the NH for respite; but pleads with me to go somewhere nice for a well-deserved break; and has fun thinking about going to see family and friends in the south when the break is over. Three different compartnments of the brain working reasonably, if repetitively, simply and slowly: BUT NO WAY CAN SHE CONNECT THEM. The psychiatrist was very understanding and in the nicest possible way said, "Yes. That's AD for you". We then went on to talk about the mild self-harm that J. subjects herself to in the fury and the signs to look for if this gets more serious.

    In "The Simplicity of Dementia" Buijssen has a chapter devoted to mood problems including aggression. Towards the end of the section on aggression he has these two sentences which help me a lot; "Aggression ... is often viewed in a purely negative light. ... Aggression can also be seen as having a positive side to it: it is a clear signal that the person concerned is unwilling to capitulate to his illness." I try to take J's anger as a sign that we are fighting the wretched Dr. Alzheimer together.
     
  13. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    126
    Nottingham
    Hi Petrus

    I too read again last night the section on aggression in the book 'The Simplicity of Dementia'. It makes a lot of sense to me. Believe it or not, at the moment, I find it far easier to deal with the aggressive side of things than when my husband just sits there, chin on chest and being monosyllabic or just grunting. During the aggression his speech is lucid, comprehensive and logically thought out - well at least it appears to be. At those times at least I know his personality is still in there. Not that he was hugely aggressive pre AD but he could certainly provide a very reasoned and logical argument which almost always won him the day. Its just a shame he has started throwing things about. And there was me thinking I would change the carpet of his den before he comes home - perhaps not!

    Love from Sammyb
     
  14. Petrus

    Petrus Registered User

    Aug 7, 2007
    61
    Northumberland
    Under the Skin

    Believe it or not, at the moment, I find it far easier to deal with the aggressive side of things than when my husband just sits there, chin on chest and being monosyllabic or just grunting.

    Sammyb,
    Oh I can well-believe it - especially after you have gone visiting; probably with high hopes that this visit will be rewarding to one or both of you.

    Different things get under the skin in different ways.

    J's anger saddens me; I can well imagine why she is angry and I share it
    J's mild self-harming frightens me; what if it gets out of control?
    J's following me around irritates the **** out of me; I am one for big, working dogs
    J's mono-tone humming drives me to distraction; and I find it so hard not to keep asking "what's the matter?" If I do I get a total blank stare - she has no idea she is making a noise
    J's grunting puzzles me; why did the hum change to a grunt?
    J's constant, repetitive questioning bores me; I've heard it all before so can answer in my sleep
    etc.etc.etc.

    "All due to that wretched Dr. Alzheimer and the way he messes up the little grey cells" (our mutually consoling phrase, although I think J. understands it less and less). In my logical and working (caring) moments just water off a ducks back; in my emotional moments it tears me apart.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.