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Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Amy, Aug 13, 2007.
My Mum died over two months ago and I too missed the trips to the Nursing Home at first, as it became so much part of the weekly routine. I seemed to miss Mum more a couple of weeks after the funeral, than immediately afterwards and now I'm thinking of the times before her illness, when we did things together as a family and she could join in too.
My daughter is now engaged and will marry next July and we are beginning to make plans for the wedding. It seems so sad that my Mum and mother-in-law will miss out on her wedding, but they will still be there in our memories and we will never forget them.
The ceremony will take place at our local parish Church, in the village where the children went to school and we are having the reception in a marquee in the garden of our house.
We've celebrated so many holidays and Christmas times together there that the garden holds special memories of past times. The old life with our parents has gone forever, but a new life is just beginning, which has developed from all the experiences we've shared with our loved ones.
I'm sure that although you are feeling sad and empty at this time, in the weeks to come there will be positive things to look forward to and enjoy with your family.
I hope you feel better soon, although we will always miss our Mums everything they have shared with us will live on in our hearts.
Dear Helen, I'm sure your mum was with you last night. Whether or not you believe in and afterlife, your mum was there in your heart, because you were thinking of her.
No, you can't just move on. The pasr month has happened, and there were so many emotions in that month, some of which you shared with us. It's no wonder you don't know how you feel. All those emotions are still churning in your head, and only time will sort them out, and allow live with the love you shared.
Helen, you will not let her go. This numbness is nature's protection mechanism, an anti-depressant without the side effects. Feeling will come back, once you are able to cope with it. And be prepared, when the pain returns, it will be intense. It will take a long time to ease.
Don't worry about it, don't try to force your feelings. They will come back. I'm so pleased you managed to post.
Love and hugs,
PS I looked for shooting stars, but didn't see any. Every time I saw a flash, it turned out to be a plane!
Hazel, I am not certain it will come back - cos I have dealt with the dementia by shutting out the past - not looking at old photographs, not remembering - dealing only with the present. Think I have become pretty good at it.
Kayla, I am so pleased that you have things to look forward to - are you having fun preparing the wedding? You will have to keep us all informed.
I meant to get up early to see the shooting stars but the best viewing time was apparently around 5:00 am. I do get up at 6:00 am but I wasn't ready to sacrifice an hour's sleep . Next year.....
I too sat out on the balcony until after midnight watching the shooting stars, it was a fantastic sight to see.............you had to be quick as they were travelling at 135,000 miles a minute
You feel empty honey, thats a normal reaction, it gets better with time.
I would totally agree with Hazel, we find we are so busy coping ..............trying to fill the gap .............that we run from the grieving...............but no matter how far we run, it catches up.............usually when you've run out of steam.............and it hurts, but you'll get through it...............and you've got us here at TP when you need us.
Love Alex x
PS.........the stars are out tonight again if anyones interested.............best to watch between 10pm and 3am..........if you don't need your beauty sleep that is!
I remember feeling totally numb in the early days but I was lucky in the fact that as soon as mum died many happy memories came flooding back of how she was pre dementia.....sadly they seem to have gone again but I know they will come back.
you spent so many years caring for mum......you are bound to feel empty and lost.
As each day goes by you will get a little stronger.....be patient and be kind to yourself
love as always
PS......I sat and sat and waited for the bl***y stars obviously bypassed Sheffield or just maybe I dozed off
I sat with my father in the chapel of rest 5 days of on and I was happy to do that , but it did give me nightmares for a few years .
with me I did not want to remember also .
me also I became very good at it and to this day , as I read what you say
it took years for me to pick and choice to find those happy memories , I can bring them up into my mind feel like my father right with me , use to make me scared in case I would breakdown so chock up , so I Chose to block them , now it give me confront and that is 5 years on
that why I felt thinking of the sad , negative memories keep me safe from feeling my own feeling of missing wanting him back as he was in those happy memories , because I new it would never happen.
PS I learn to except his death , but I can't let go , because his part of my past , part of me . I can move on with my life but I'll never let go of my happy sad memories of my father