She's not lying really, is she?

[patsy56]

I called mother last night see who she was, got the usual not been anywhere not seen anyone.
me- but the nurses come in?
Mother- oh yes but they aren't friends. I had to ask one of the nurses to help me with the duvet cover I couldn't get it on.
me- but the care agency are supposed to do that and take to laundrette.
Mother- no I take to laundry (via her car journey with care agency)
me- but the duvet cover?
mother- I don't know, I have changed the sheets and covers hundred of time, (not in past year you haven't) but this time I was too tired.
me- ok I will speak to care agency (well my sister will she is more in touch than me)
mother- whatever.

So she isn't really lying is she, she just lives in her own world?

 

[Delphie]

Yes, she almost certainly completely believes in her own version of events. Best to go along with harmless stuff like that.

 

[jaymor]

She certainly is not lying, she sees it her way and that's as it is. It is great that you understand this and as long as it causes no harm it is better to join her in her world than to try dragging her kicking and screaming back into our world. It won't work and will cause so much distress for everyone.

 

[Cheesecake4242]

This seems harmless. Our problem is MIL refuses to go to luncn at her assisted living complex because she truly believes that she has had lunch already. She also refuses a bath with carer as 'she has a bath everynight'.

 

[patsy56]

She certainly is not lying, she sees it her way and that's as it is. It is great that you understand this and as long as it causes no harm it is better to join her in her world than to try dragging her kicking and screaming back into our world. It won't work and will cause so much distress for everyone.

I never would have, 5 months ago, but since joining you all here, in this world, I see things so much differently.
I realise now that her mind has gone and I have to join her in her dimension of the universe.

 

[Tin]

Mum used to do the same, she would watch me doing household chores, sometimes helping, but every time someone asked her how her day was she would tell them she did all this herself. I think the fact that she was watching made her think she had done it all. If your mum really did help the carer change the duvet, I think that's a good thing, at least she still has some control of her household chores and honestly some daily activity. Carers these days don't have the time, they just want to get in, job done and out.

 

[Gigglemore]

Chatting to a non-dementia but physically disabled resident in Mum's NH she mentioned that the Activities Co-ordinator had been asking lots of questions to update their "About Me" records. The resident said she had enquired why she had to give details of her bridesmaids etc. Activities C response was that if lady developed dementia and started talking about her wedding but made mistakes the staff would know the correct info so would be able to correct her. Brilliant dementia training, no wonder there are so few suitable activities laid on for the residents with dementia!

 

[patsy56]

I have a friend in Australia who is a social co-ordinator

 

[patsy56]

my sister went to see mater yesterday and it seems she is changing her own bedding. The carers do ask if she wants the bed changed, she says no she'll do it herself. Sis says something about mother not wanting their dirty hands on her bedding. That's rich form someone who doesn't wash.

 

[Witzend]

Chatting to a non-dementia but physically disabled resident in Mum's NH she mentioned that the Activities Co-ordinator had been asking lots of questions to update their "About Me" records. The resident said she had enquired why she had to give details of her bridesmaids etc. Activities C response was that if lady developed dementia and started talking about her wedding but made mistakes the staff would know the correct info so would be able to correct her. Brilliant dementia training, no wonder there are so few suitable activities laid on for the residents with dementia!

Heaven help us...

 

[Onlyme]

Mum wanted her own mum, the carer told her very nicely that her mum was dead. Mum thinks I am her mum so thought I had died. I spent almost a week coping with a clingy mum who thought I might die again.

 

[Gigglemore]

Onlyme - that's so sad, but at least you found out about it and can have a word with the carer to ensure it won't happen again.

 

[Onlyme]

I was told it was company policy not lie to mum so if she asked again they would help her realise her age and that her mum was dead.

 

[patsy56]

I was told it was company policy not lie to mum so if she asked again they would help her realise her age and that her mum was dead.

I suppose yes have to tell the truth.

 

[Beate]

I was told it was company policy not lie to mum so if she asked again they would help her realise her age and that her mum was dead.

That shows an appalling lack of understanding of dementia! I would ring up the care agency and have a strong word! Say in your house it's policy not to upset your Mum and that takes precedence over their silly rules.

 

[100 miles]

I cleaned my teeth this morning. Bet you did too. But how do you know? I know I can't remember the exact teeth cleaning event of this morning. I just know it is something I always do.
And so it is with my mother. She has done something for 80 odd years and therefore must still be doing it. 'It' includes weeding the garden in January; making cakes (I wish); changing the bed linen and generally running her house. Because she can remember these events.....from some indeterminate time. And she is fully committed to buying new slippers at the local shops without my interference. Just a shame the shoe shops closed 20 years ago. Or she could go shopping with her friend. Just a shame her friend is now housebound.
Life progresses with a combination of firmly insisting on some things and ignoring others. Must admit there is a fair bit of grumbling from both parties. (Oops, must try harder.)
btw I really wish I could remember my tp password

 

[patsy56]

Laughing I had that problem the TP password I think I just stay logged in easier