1. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    Yesterday was a trying day as some of the stuff my wife hasn’t said for months made a reappearance – she doesn’t know what medication she takes or why (that much is true despite attempts to tell her); she doesn’t know what to do – perhaps find a flat to live in by herself; she is packing to leave; at age 62 and retired I could then find a new wife and have the children that I have never desired; she has a bad left (or sometimes right) arm.

    Our greyhound, a very easy dog to walk has suddenly turned into a puller whenever she has him (he hasn’t). She objects to him sniffing at things (a dog’s great pleasure) and gets very cross, then when I take over the lead becomes all solicitous and tells him to sniff to his heart’s content. Three times now she has used the dog’s stainless steel food bowl to heat milk for coffee, so I need to watch this closely as it is an accident in waiting. She picks up cooking implements and cutlery, washes them and puts them away before I have finished using them but ignores things that need washing.

    We went to town on Monday afternoon and bought a table and chairs, My wife chose the chairs but could not remember doing so by the time we had left the shop. She saw an advert for a kitchen supplier and suggested that we should go there for a new kitchen – despite just saying how much she likes the new kitchen in which we were sitting at the time! She has become increasingly restless, disappearing upstairs several times during breakfast and at other times during the day. What she does is a moot point, although the drawers full of toilet roll, the several changes of clothes and my socks discarded on her bedroom chair offer a clue.

    It is difficult to know how to help her when she is like this. She is suspicious of everyone and everything. Yesterday, to escape for a while, I spent rather longer than was strictly necessary trimming the ivy before it gets too high and clearing up leaves and other items from the grass, before giving it a good sluicing with my newly working garden hose. All the time though I needed to listen out for her rummaging in the fridge for inappropriate food to give to the dog.
  2. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    It's the relentlessness of it, day after day, that wears you down, isn't it, @northumbrian_k ? Is there any kind of Day Centre/Lunch Club anything at all that your wife could go to? Or do you have any support coming in, someone that could stay with her for a couple of hours? I did once hear of someone who introduced a sitter/befriender rather ingenioiusly, because they knew their pwd would never accept a "babysitter". They took their pwd out to a cafe for tea & cake, and casually shared a table with this really nice lady, who was so friendly, and chatted away! :) In fact, the lady got on so well with them, that they arranged to meet for tea and cake again a couple of days later. And then, rather than go to a cafe, they invited the lady to come for coffee to their house. Which she started to do on a regular basis, because, what do you know, she actually happened to pass near their house regularly! Then the carer invented some urgent appointments elsewhere "I'll leave you two to have a natter and some tea. Be back shortly." :)
  3. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    After a long time away from here I decided to return to see where people were up too. I can read your post and see exactly what I went through a few years ago ,but there is a humour in your post . At least in the writing of it . My husband did much the same as your wife , I never managed to get him to be with anyone other than me and oh how I tried. We had the dog he walked but when there were men at the top of the drive planning to abduct said dog and husband I had to go too, never any sight of said men. He fed the dog on all sorts but the dog knew what he didn't like so that was ok. We have a huge oak carved chicken ( don't ask ) weighs a ton it sat happily in the hall for years ,then it went walk about ,into kitchen cupboards ,plates etc removed , behind curtains,behind chairs, why ? in case people saw it through the door a decided to pinch it !!!! I kid you not it is about the last thing anyone would attempt to lift.It is virtually impossible to have your own life but things can change very quickly as much as I dispaired at that time I wish I could have it back . He's been away in a home now for 18 months and deteriorated so much he is now to me a person I ensure is looked after and cared for ,not my husband . So try to make the best of what you have now,try and get some respite where you can and try to live a little for you. But your time for you will come and you will look back on these times with a smile but also a sadness for a time you can never get back .Best Wishes.

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