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She's Got Dementia You Know

Grey Lad

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
5,736
North East Lincs
It suddenly struck me yesterday, in a Supermarket, what wonderful support you get from shop assistants once they know that your loved on has dementia. I managed to mouth to a member of the underwear team that my wife had dementia then service with a smile was on hand for half an hour. Margaret ferried underwear to the changing room for my O H to try on and I am optimistic this morning that things will be more comfortable.

My OH is still in denial about her condition and so it is difficult for me to let others know the score. So I end up trying to steal a private word or mouth something appropriate. I just wonder how others go on who are in a similar situation? Perhaps a hand signal or a bit of sign language would do the trick. What I have always found it that once people know support is generally outstanding
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
539
Shropshire
My O H appeared the other day to understand he had a problem . Every day for about two weeks be had been trying to fix a n agricultural mower to no avail. My son who doesn't live with us kept telling me it wasnt broken but as his father really does not like him I could not relay this message and he could not come and sort it or it would have been like world war three. We needed to get the grass cut so I merrily went out and in my cheeriest voiced asked if it was fixed. It clearly wasn't as there were bits everywhere. He looked up and was dejected saying " I can't do it any more I don't know how too " .So I said there are things that we can't do anymore lets conce trate on things we can do so we left the machine behind. Our son came round at 5.30 am before he went to work sorted the mower did the fields and left ( as I said it needs to be done and OH was still in bed so their paths didn't cross). OH then insisted he didn't need to have done that as he could have done it it was only a 10 min job. So the moment of enlightenment had vanished.
I have tried in the past to get him to tell people as he says he is embarrassed when he can't find words. If he would just say people do understand and would treat him far better and help him . I do tell people either mouthing or quietly the response we get is always lovely and I am very grateful.
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello Grey lad, my husband no longer knows what Alzheimers is, when we are out he thinks he knows everyone we meet, he greets them like a long lost friend, l tell them he has AD, people are very understanding, does OH still know what dementia is if so it would upset her.☺
 
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marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,135
Scotland
I have quietly told all our neighbours and everyone we are in contact with and in most cases they already knew. All have been wonderfully understanding and still greet John cheerfully and don't talk over him even though it is clear he is mystified mostly.

He is always smartly dressed and very clean which makes him acceptable and I do see some poor souls who probably live alone in a dire state. It is much more worrying to think how these folk function without someone to care on a day to day basis.
 

Grey Lad

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
5,736
North East Lincs
I have quietly told all our neighbours and everyone we are in contact with and in most cases they already knew. All have been wonderfully understanding and still greet John cheerfully and don't talk over him even though it is clear he is mystified mostly.

He is always smartly dressed and very clean which makes him acceptable and I do see some poor souls who probably live alone in a dire state. It is much more worrying to think how these folk function without someone to care on a day to day basis.
Same here all the people that know are so supportive. It just how to brief the uninitiated when you need to, without distressing a loved one.
 

JayGun

Registered User
Jun 24, 2013
291
In our case I think it helps that my MIL looks elderly. She is a proper cauliflower hairdo old lady. I think people expect a bit of "eccentricity" in a person who is clearly "old".

Nobody gets cross with her when she darts out into the road and drivers have to swerve and break hard, or when she pushes people over in shops barging her way to where she wants to go. She very nearly upended a buggy with a baby in it last week - but everyone was very good about it.

I did once consider having T shirts printed with the word ALZHEIMERS and an arrow. I thought I could flash that at people from under my jumper, but people usually catch on pretty quick. :D
 

CeliaW

Registered User
Jan 29, 2009
5,643
Hampshire
"I did once consider having T shirts printed with the word ALZHEIMERS and an arrow. I thought I could flash that at people from under my jumper, but people usually catch on pretty quick. "

That me laugh..
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,031
London
This reminded me of Lisa Genova's book Inside The O'Briens about someone with Huntingdon's Disease. He prints t-shirts with various slogans, for example "This is what Huntingdon's looks like" and wears them proudly. I wouldn't quite go so far though!
 

Leswi

Registered User
Jul 13, 2014
121
Bedfordshire
A badge/brooch type thing which can be pinned onto the person with dementia maybe? Not something that states that the person has dementia but a flower for women and car/football/beer glass for men!! (not sexist at all!). Possibly issued by dementia friends who could work in conjunction with shops, businesses, public transport etc to make staff aware of what the badge stands for.
 

triumph25

Registered User
Apr 2, 2012
90
Forest of Dean
How to tell people!

There is a badge that is bought to represent Alzheimer's and it's a forget-me-not! It's blue and I have bought a few in the past. I think it is a wonderful symbol and although it has been brought by me and others in support of people with Alzeimers, I am sure it could be adapted to have a banner/ribbon type bit on it that says I have Akzheimers. That would be great!
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
When my husband was last in hospital they put a blue flower on the door of his room so that the staff would know he had dementia but it wasn't blatantly stated. I think the brooch/badge idea is a really good one if it was widely recognised. Maybe shops could be encouraged to have a blue flower sign on their door if they are dementia aware.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 
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nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
20,893
North Manchester
"Maybe shops could be encouraged to have a blue flower sign on their door if they are dementia aware."

In my area the push is to make staff dementia friendly which means they can display





on their doors/windows.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
"I did once consider having T shirts printed with the word ALZHEIMERS and an arrow. I thought I could flash that at people from under my jumper, but people usually catch on pretty quick. "

That me laugh..
I yearned for a Special Hat, that I could illuminate by pressing a button, and the words would go round like at Piccadilly Circus!!! Sadly, I couldn't get one (!), so had to resort to saying "My husband has Alzheimer's".

When John no longer knew what this meant, he actually announced it to a queue in the chemist's, saying "I've got Alzheimer's!". whilst smiling, and in a triumphant way.
 

Grey Lad

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
5,736
North East Lincs
I yearned for a Special Hat, that I could illuminate by pressing a button, and the words would go round like at Piccadilly Circus!!! Sadly, I couldn't get one (!), so had to resort to saying "My husband has Alzheimer's".

When John no longer knew what this meant, he actually announced it to a queue in the chemist's, saying "I've got Alzheimer's!". whilst smiling, and in a triumphant way.
How are you my friend?
 

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