1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Weds 28 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 28 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

She's Got Dementia You Know

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Grey Lad, Aug 6, 2015.

  1. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    It suddenly struck me yesterday, in a Supermarket, what wonderful support you get from shop assistants once they know that your loved on has dementia. I managed to mouth to a member of the underwear team that my wife had dementia then service with a smile was on hand for half an hour. Margaret ferried underwear to the changing room for my O H to try on and I am optimistic this morning that things will be more comfortable.

    My OH is still in denial about her condition and so it is difficult for me to let others know the score. So I end up trying to steal a private word or mouth something appropriate. I just wonder how others go on who are in a similar situation? Perhaps a hand signal or a bit of sign language would do the trick. What I have always found it that once people know support is generally outstanding
     
  2. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,236
    Female
    Dundee
    I meant for you to quietly show to someone but just ignore suggestion.
     
  4. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    My O H appeared the other day to understand he had a problem . Every day for about two weeks be had been trying to fix a n agricultural mower to no avail. My son who doesn't live with us kept telling me it wasnt broken but as his father really does not like him I could not relay this message and he could not come and sort it or it would have been like world war three. We needed to get the grass cut so I merrily went out and in my cheeriest voiced asked if it was fixed. It clearly wasn't as there were bits everywhere. He looked up and was dejected saying " I can't do it any more I don't know how too " .So I said there are things that we can't do anymore lets conce trate on things we can do so we left the machine behind. Our son came round at 5.30 am before he went to work sorted the mower did the fields and left ( as I said it needs to be done and OH was still in bed so their paths didn't cross). OH then insisted he didn't need to have done that as he could have done it it was only a 10 min job. So the moment of enlightenment had vanished.
    I have tried in the past to get him to tell people as he says he is embarrassed when he can't find words. If he would just say people do understand and would treat him far better and help him . I do tell people either mouthing or quietly the response we get is always lovely and I am very grateful.
     
  5. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    #6 pamann, Aug 6, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 6, 2015
    Hello Grey lad, my husband no longer knows what Alzheimers is, when we are out he thinks he knows everyone we meet, he greets them like a long lost friend, l tell them he has AD, people are very understanding, does OH still know what dementia is if so it would upset her.☺
     
  6. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    Might be an idea. I will send for it and hope I am in when post arrives.
     
  7. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,749
    Female
    Scotland
    I have quietly told all our neighbours and everyone we are in contact with and in most cases they already knew. All have been wonderfully understanding and still greet John cheerfully and don't talk over him even though it is clear he is mystified mostly.

    He is always smartly dressed and very clean which makes him acceptable and I do see some poor souls who probably live alone in a dire state. It is much more worrying to think how these folk function without someone to care on a day to day basis.
     
  8. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    Same here all the people that know are so supportive. It just how to brief the uninitiated when you need to, without distressing a loved one.
     
  9. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,059
    Toronto, Canada
    Perhaps you could simply have a business card made up saying what would be appropriate for you. I don't think cards are that expensive.
     
  10. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    298
    In our case I think it helps that my MIL looks elderly. She is a proper cauliflower hairdo old lady. I think people expect a bit of "eccentricity" in a person who is clearly "old".

    Nobody gets cross with her when she darts out into the road and drivers have to swerve and break hard, or when she pushes people over in shops barging her way to where she wants to go. She very nearly upended a buggy with a baby in it last week - but everyone was very good about it.

    I did once consider having T shirts printed with the word ALZHEIMERS and an arrow. I thought I could flash that at people from under my jumper, but people usually catch on pretty quick. :D
     
  11. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    That's a good idea. Could even design my own and print them off. Thanks G L.
     
  12. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,654
    Hampshire
    "I did once consider having T shirts printed with the word ALZHEIMERS and an arrow. I thought I could flash that at people from under my jumper, but people usually catch on pretty quick. "

    That me laugh..
     
  13. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,629
    Female
    London
    This reminded me of Lisa Genova's book Inside The O'Briens about someone with Huntingdon's Disease. He prints t-shirts with various slogans, for example "This is what Huntingdon's looks like" and wears them proudly. I wouldn't quite go so far though!
     
  14. Leswi

    Leswi Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    120
    Bedfordshire
    A badge/brooch type thing which can be pinned onto the person with dementia maybe? Not something that states that the person has dementia but a flower for women and car/football/beer glass for men!! (not sexist at all!). Possibly issued by dementia friends who could work in conjunction with shops, businesses, public transport etc to make staff aware of what the badge stands for.
     
  15. triumph25

    triumph25 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2012
    90
    Forest of Dean
    How to tell people!

    There is a badge that is bought to represent Alzheimer's and it's a forget-me-not! It's blue and I have bought a few in the past. I think it is a wonderful symbol and although it has been brought by me and others in support of people with Alzeimers, I am sure it could be adapted to have a banner/ribbon type bit on it that says I have Akzheimers. That would be great!
     
  16. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    #17 Jinx, Aug 8, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2015
    When my husband was last in hospital they put a blue flower on the door of his room so that the staff would know he had dementia but it wasn't blatantly stated. I think the brooch/badge idea is a really good one if it was widely recognised. Maybe shops could be encouraged to have a blue flower sign on their door if they are dementia aware.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  17. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    18,830
    Male
    North Manchester
    "Maybe shops could be encouraged to have a blue flower sign on their door if they are dementia aware."

    In my area the push is to make staff dementia friendly which means they can display


    [​IMG]


    on their doors/windows.
     
  18. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I yearned for a Special Hat, that I could illuminate by pressing a button, and the words would go round like at Piccadilly Circus!!! Sadly, I couldn't get one (!), so had to resort to saying "My husband has Alzheimer's".

    When John no longer knew what this meant, he actually announced it to a queue in the chemist's, saying "I've got Alzheimer's!". whilst smiling, and in a triumphant way.
     
  19. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    How are you my friend?
     

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