She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by northumbrian_k, Jun 21, 2019.

  1. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    647
    Male
    Newcastle
    In many ways my wife seems to have settled in well to her residential care home, although her moods and behaviour are as fickle and unpredictable as ever. On Monday she was almost like her old self when I took her and her sister for a walk to a local cafe for coffee and cake. I was dreading the return trip but when we arrived she said "We've been here before" followed by "I like this place". When the door opened she went inside quite happily.

    On Wednesday she joined in with a quiz put together by the activities coordinator. She was not fully engaged but bright enough to talk about and expand on the answers after they had been given. One resident, almost always either silent or bad-tempered, even sang a song in answer to a question about Calamity Jane (not one from the film but that did not matter).

    Today she was still asleep in bed after 11am. She looked so peaceful that I left her to it. Apparently she had been up wandering about for much of the the night. The staff were going to wake her up so that she wouldn't miss out on today's favourite lunch of fish and chips. She is due for a hair wash and blow dry when the hairdresser is there this afternoon.

    After nearly 6 weeks, I would say that the decision for her to go into residential care seems to have been the right one for both of us. As she continues to deteriorate there are bound to be more challenges but at least I know that she is safe, looked after, and (sometimes at least) approaching something like contentment.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,797
    Merseyside
    I’m glad things are going well @northumbrian_k. Such a relief for you.
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,646
    Female
    Scotland
    You know that instead of asking if she is contented, if she is happy - it is time to ask if you are happy. If not then find a way of being happy to make it all worthwhile. On this forum I don’t think we consider ourselves enough. We matter.
     
  4. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    223
    Female
    A huge relief for you - look after yourself and take care
     
  5. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    647
    Male
    Newcastle
    #5 northumbrian_k, Jun 21, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
    I am pretty much self-contained and happy most of the time @marionq and when I'm not my canine companion is here to give me comfort. Then there is the joy of cycling. One is only ever a bike ride away from a good mood. I'm just back from a ride to make the most of the summer solstice - still fully light here until nearly 10pm. Here is the sun just starting to set over rural Northumberland.
    20190621_211519.jpg
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,895
    Kent
    This is when it`s such a help for you @northumbrian_k. It means when you visit you are well rested rather than washed out.

    I`m so pleased for you. It`s such a distressing decision and a big relief to be able to realise it was the right one.
     
  7. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,977
    Female
    Chester
    Sounds like a good evening ride.

    glad you are getting out, hopefully with your cycling club as well

    I'm glad you feel it is the right decision for both of you
     
  8. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,646
    Female
    Scotland
    Lovely photo. The bike sounds a great idea. Dog too!
     
  9. di65

    di65 Registered User

    Feb 28, 2013
    770
    new zealand
    The decision to put your loved one into care is never an easy one, but I’m so glad you have found a home that you are happy with - it makes such a difference! Enjoy life as much as you can, I’m pleased to see that you are out cycling. We are in mid-winter over here now, but I look forward to summer and the long evenings
     
  10. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,874
    Suffolk
    Nice to see you, Di65!
     
  11. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    647
    Male
    Newcastle
    #11 northumbrian_k, Jun 23, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2019
    It is an exciting time on the moor. It's not because The Hoppings, the world's largest travelling fun fair, is in town. It is the return of the swallows (or maybe swifts, I'm no ornithologist) and their incredibly fast and graceful low level aerial display. I watched half a dozen of them this morning, something that my wife and I used to love doing together. I did wonder if she would even notice them nowadays, although she still loves to see birds and commented yesterday on the lovely view from her residential home bedroom.

    Seeing the birds today made me happy and a little sad at the same time. They were too quick for my camera but I did manage to snap some in Spain a few years ago.

    IMG_1983.JPG I
     

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