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She just will not...


New member
Feb 25, 2020
What to do when mum will just not..do anything, will not wash but is always 'just going in the bath', will not go to the toilet-she knows she needs to because she puts things under her: cushions, clothes, etc. we got her pull-ups but she will not use them. Will not go to bed but sleeps on the floor in front of the fire, this is of real concern as she cannot easily get up nor will she change her clothes even if she does mess them. Last week when the weather was bad I could not get to her for 4 days the sight of both mum and the house was indescribable. Have tried to suggest someone to help in the mornings with personal care or someone to help with the cleaning, No! no one is coming in here.
The only help I have been allowed to arrange is Meals on Wheels, A neighbour to give her daily pills & a gardener.


Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
N Ireland
Hello @linstor you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

It's a truth that if you wait for a person with dementia to agree to these things you will wait forever. Sometimes 'no' just becomes a default answer to everything. I have found that that my relationship with my wife(mixed dementia) has become more like parent and child and I just get on with what I think, and hope, is best for her. It's a matter of dealing with 'needs; rather than 'wants'. It does seem like a care needs assessment is required.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there



You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.