She gave me an amazing smile

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Faith, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. Faith

    Faith Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    It's ages since I logged on here and when I did I was a mess. Mum has now been taken into a home 16 miles away because they can offer her the care she now needs. It has been hard getting anyone to realise that she is sick. The fact that she can not talk feed herself etc, etc did not count. BUT at last someone listened to us and she is in a place that can care for her. I miss her, my sister misses her and my father who has been married to her for 51 years is so lost without her. Family do not visit her because " they want to remember her the way she was". Friends feel by the wayside. I do not blame them it is hard for everyone. Mum was so young when this happened to her (vascular dementia with other complications) She is 72 now. Mine is not a sad note today. Mine is to tell you all that my mum still has the smile of an angel and we have been so lucky to have had that smileall these years. She smiled at me today just as she smiles at the nursing staff every day. She has never once complained in the 8 years she has visibly been like this. The sad thing is that she always expected it to happen to her, her brother and sister as well as her mum had this awful illness. The road is a long one and yet from all the sadness at our loss of the mum and wife we knew we are grateful for the years of love she gave. My mum was a healer and people felt better just being with her in the same room. She had a faith in all that is good and that faith has helped me accept what is happening to mum. I know she would not choose to live like this and I admit I have prayed for the end to be peaceful but if I am to cope with this there has to be a reason.........and the reason is MY MUM. I can still feel the love she sends me even through the fog. AND her smile will last me all my days.
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Faith, thank you so much for your very moving post. Your name was so well-chosen. Your faith shines through every word, and how proud of you your mum would be -- as proud as you are of her.

    It is so lovely that your mum has kept her smile, it will never leave you. I am sure that her end, whenever it comes, will be peaceful, reflecting the way you and she live your lives.

    Love and hugs,
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Faith, thank you so much for your uplifting post. It is good to hear from you again.
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Faith,

    Thank you for you post. Your mum`s legacy is you.
  5. DaughterN

    DaughterN Registered User

    Feb 6, 2007
    United States
    My heart understands

    Having gone through this with 2 parents I know exactly what you are feeling. This is a very sad mind robbing disease but...they are still there and need to feel the families presense around them and they do. Some family members will cop out and never visit and sadly that is their sad loss...but all of the ones that do are special and will be blessed for their compassion and love for your Mother. She knows who loves her you can bet on that. Keep the failth it is a hard journey for all but we must not let them go alone. My Blessings for your Dear Mother and you and Dad.
  6. Sweet Pea

    Sweet Pea Registered User

    Dec 20, 2006
    North Yorkshire
    Hello Faith

    what a truly beautiful post...very uplifting. I feel that I could have written exactly the same post. My Dad, who sadly passed away last year, also retained his smile and sense of humour, throughout his dreadful illness, and despite every day being an obvious struggle for him and my Mum who cared for him. I remember his smiling face always, and it is an inspiration to me!

    My love to you and your smiling Mum

    Take care

    Sweet pea
  7. Faith

    Faith Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    Thank you

    Hi everyone!!!!

    Thank you for your kind words.
    After 8 years of asking why us and why mum, I realised that I was making myself ill. I still have tears when I visit mum and heartache for the loss of the one person who never ever judged me. BUT as I said in my post by accepting that it doesn't matter how much I stress and worry myself I can only do the best with what is on offer. I can make sure mum is comfortable where she is and look out for any "tell tale dangers" but I can not cure her. Admittedly I pray a great deal for help in this awful situation but because I have finally accepted that life takes us on roads we may not have chosen ourselves, I am calmer about our lot in life. I look back on the fun, happy times and I know that it is OK to weep a while and yet still be happy - sadly I use to feel guilty if I was feeling happy. My mums smile reminded me that it is OK, that despite her conditionmy as my mum she would not want me to spend these days TOO unhappy! I hope this makes sense and helps someone like me who until recently carried the world on her shoulder and was in danger of loosing the plot.

    Thanks once again!

  8. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Thank you for a beautiful post which brought tears to my eyes.
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Dawn,
    You have realized, what it takes many people years to, that there are some areas in which we have no power and no say. The only way to peace is acceptance of things we cannot change. The sadness and despair are still there, but the fight stops.
    Your posts have moved many and really are to your credit. Your mother has a daughter to be proud of.

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