She doesn't want him back!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Coffee time, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. Coffee time

    Coffee time Registered User

    Oct 27, 2015
    9
    She wants him to go into care ..because she dreads him coming home. She wants a place where she can be with him - but not look after him on the bad days. It's a very strange day when the situation goes round 360 degrees.
    On so many occasions I've supported them in every decision, but this took me out of my comfort zone. But now I research a nice place where Dad gets the care that he needs and Mum gets to be with Dad, until he changes and then she can leave him with the care team.
    There are other problems but totally insignificant...must go and get a "coffee" - need time to think!
    Thank you for listening - it's wonderful to have someone to talk to!
     
  2. annierich

    annierich Registered User

    Nov 11, 2015
    62
    That sounds very familiar. A close family member has her husband with dementia in a local care home (her choice). We think she is now lonely at home so she has now suggested moving in with him. Trouble is she micro manages everything about his life in the care home and we worry that if she moves into the home as a non dementia resident she will be even worse and annoy all the staff. The trouble is she is no longer able to care for him at home - despite what she says - and if anything personal needs doing she just backs off. We can cope with his dementia but it's her that causing all the problems.
     
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,088
    Yorkshire
    Hi Coffee time
    I guess she's had time to herself to weigh everything up and work out her own priorities.
    I believe you said your mum was registered blind (sorry should have checked before replying) so she's maybe even realising how much she would like some support so she can stay relaxed. And maybe she sees what a difference it's making to you.
    Maybe there's a home that would take them together in 2 rooms close to each other (might be wise to not have them next door or sharing so that they can each have some space). I even looked round a home that had flatlets within it, so had a private sitting room.
    Can't help feeling she's got this worked out!
    An interesting new project for you. :)
     

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