Shared Caring


Registered User
Oct 16, 2003
My Mother in law is in the "middle" stages of Alzeimers and unable to now live on her own, we as a family want to care for her the best we can and the only way we can do it is by "sharing" mum. She will spend 2/3 weeks with each of her children where she will be loved and looked after to the best of our ability, we are feeling guilty about "sharing" her and wondering if we are making her illness worse or making her more confused but after several family discussions there is no other options.

Any advice please


Registered User
May 28, 2003
Hi there
I really appreciate what you are trying to do for your mother in law, and it would seem to be a good idea for all of you to share the burden of care and have time off in between.
But unfortunately, it is most common for people with dementia to be confused and disorientated at the best of times, even within their own homes. With your mother in law being in the middle stages, you may have found already that this is the case, and Im afraid if this is so, then I doubt that this idea will have a good impact on your mother in laws behaviour and so will have quite a negative impact on your family.
This is just my opinion which i believe you asked for....
Thats not to say that it wont work. It may very successfully, you can only try it.
But please be aware that she may appear more confused than she really (Medically) is because of all the moving around.
Within my work i witness lots of ppl disorientated and wanting to go home, even though they are at home, but you ask them to take you to a particular room and they can. That familiarity is
there, and I dont think your mother in law will have time to build upon any thing like familiarity.
As for you other options.. Im afraid that only leaves the obvious.
Please do let us know how you get on.


Registered User
Oct 16, 2003
Angela thanks very much for your reply to my query, i know you have confirmed what really we knew, since i posted my query on the board we have now decided to place mum back in her own house and between all her family share the 24 hour 7 day care, this will have its problems but only for the individual family member, the most important thing is mum will be in the same house all the time, trial and error awaits us as we are all new to the caring of someone with this kind of illness, but we are hoping to call upon the help and guidance of the social services if there is such help available, once again thanks very much for your advice because at this moment in time we are clinging onto any advice we can get from people more experienced than ourselves.



Registered User
Apr 1, 2003

After watching my father cope for the last couple of years, I too had the same concerns as Angela, but was afraid that you had no choice in your particular dilemma. Sometimes, you just have to do the best that you can in a situation. But someone in the middle stages of dementia needs security and familiarity.

My father needs a routine more than he ever did and moving between locations would be very difficult for him. Routine and familiarity seem to make life easier, just things being in the same place can help life roll a long a little better. I really do think that you have made the right, albeit difficult, decission and wish you well in these difficult times..... If you have any more questions please ask....

take care


Registered User
Oct 16, 2003
Dear Charlie

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply, due to the replies we have had we have an insight into what the consequences of "shared caring" could have. Hoperfully our new solution of shared caring within mums own home on a 24/7 basis will help her in what will be a very distressing time both for her and us.
We will have to learn as we go and do what we can to help her cope.




Registered User
Jun 27, 2003
Cathy - no advice or help I'm afraid, just thought I would like to congratulate you & your family on the way you are attempting to give your mother-in-law the love & respect she deserves.

Good luck & best wishes

Members online

Forum statistics

Latest member