Shall I bother to carry on with our trips out? Or, is it too confusing??

[snoggy1one]

I have recently been taking mum for afternoons out of the care home whilst the weather has been lovely and sunny as it is making me feel very sad to see mum cooped up in the care home. She will not go into the care home gardens or join in any activities and just sits miserable waiting for me in her room.

I have been trying to let mum enjoy some of the lovely sunshine lately with little outings. However, when I have taken mum out for the day or afternoon, she gets very mixed up and forgets that she has to return back into the care home again and doesn't even recognise it when we get back. . Consequently, she is shocked when I take her back again, and at times gets either agitated or a bit depressed. I then have to settle her down again before I leave and sometimes mum gets cross and nasty with me. When we are on our outings she is really happy experiencing different things.

Am I making a mistake by taking mum out of the familiar surroundings and the daily boring routing she has. When we are out and about she thoroughly enjoys the outings and becomes her old self again. I am kind of living for the moment and treasure the special times we have together.

I am just wondering though, is it worth trying to give mum a break from the care home environment, or am I causing her too much confusion.? Shall I give up or carry on with our outings? I am trying to give mum some quality of life and a taste of normality , but, is it too late for this? Shall I bother to do it again or just give up?

I keep thinking that this could be mums last summer and whilst she is able to get out and before this awful disease prevents her from outings I am always trying to grasp an opportunity to give her a happy time. Shall I carry on? Or am I being unfair by making her confused when she doesnt realise that she has to go back to the life in a care home at the end of our outings?

Any comments appreciated. x

 

[Noorza]

You sound like a lovely daughter, I'd keep the outings going to be honest, she enjoys them, you enjoy them and you are making those last memories together.

I realise she gets confused but as she sits there miserable anyway, I'd keep the outings going for now anyway.

 

[snoggy1one]

Thanks for the reply. I am wondering if I am being cruel to be kind if you get my meaning. I miss my mum and try to give her a bit of quality time and capture a few special moments, but, at times at the end of the outing or day out it goes horribly wrong with her confusion, and I do wonder, if I am just being a bit selfish by trying to grab her back from this awful disease and I am still trying to grasp at a chance to find my old mum and see her her a little happier again. x

 

[Butter]

This is a difficult one - and you know her best and can best see how upset she is by outings. And you can best measure the balances between pleasure and pain.

But I know many people do decide the kindest thing to do is try and join in the routine that keeps people secure, rather than taking them outside it.

 

[Pheath]

I’m inclined to agree with a couple of the others that as long as it doesn’t take too long to settle your mum on returning, carry on with the trips for as long as you can. It sounds like she really enjoys them and while her health still allows it make the most of it. My dad has been in a CH for over a year and until fairly recently we were taking him out in the car for drives and short walks about 4/5 times a week. Sadly his mobility and cognition has really declined lately which makes it much harder but we still try with the help of the carers to get him into the car when we can. Like you we felt it was very good for him to get some stimulation and see a world outside the CH, it was part of his routine for many years to go out each afternoon so wanted to keep that up for as long as we could. I feel sorry for some of the residents who look able to go out but have nobody to take them. All the best,

 

[Miss Merlot]

While it's sunny and if she likes being with you, could you not do something in the care home gardens themselves - am thinking a picnic, or bringing deckchairs and make a show of having pink lemonade, or something of that nature...?

 

[snoggy1one]

Thanks for all your replies. I took mum out today and she was so glad to get out as two of the residents were having a massive argument and she got to escape that environment for a short while and was back to reality and normality for a while. We were only out for a couple of hours looking around the shops but it made a massive difference to her mood for those few moments and it was like old times together. I could see the relief in her face when I took her out of that awkward environment.

Thanks for your support. I will carry on with our outings and trips out despite the occasional kick offs as to see mum back amongst every day life means everything to me.

Things get pretty tricky at times and I feel like giving up now and again, but thanks for the replies and support. Now I can carry on and get a bit of srength and enthusiasm to enjoy our happy days as mum and daughter now and again. Those times are short lived and unpredictable, but, I so treasure those times, because before this disease took over my poor mum we were best friends, and I miss those times and I am fighting each day to get those times back, and I don't want to give up and lose her forever.