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Shaken not stirred

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
492
North West
Since my OH was diagnosed I have tried to face this disease with strength and knowledge, keeping our heads up and maintaining dignity despite daily muddles. But today I feel totally crushed.

OH is still able to get out and about despite navigation and organisation problems. This week he has gone away on a sport break with friends. After two days he rang to say he couldn't find his phone charger. I spent ages talking him through his suitcase, the cupboards and drawers in the room, making him put his hand right into these places (as sometimes he looks but doesn't see). He was distraught saying he would never go away again, was useless etc. Eventually I suggested he ask his friend who organised the trip for help. Within minutes I got an elated call back saying his things had been found in another friends drawer (in a different house).

All OH had had for two days was his soap bag, he hadn't changed his clothes. Of course he blames himself, I at first blamed the Alzheimers but how, why, would he put them in the wrong room, wrong house? I'm beginning to think this was a "jolly jape" on someone's part but mustn't jump to conclusions.

Haven't heard back from OH since the discovery. Presume he is back to enjoying his holiday while I swing between murderous thoughts and crying. Could someone really be so cruel and thoughtless? I hope not. Also hope I do find out the truth or I will continue working on my own version.

Thanks for reading. I feel better for getting my thoughts in order.
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
Crumbs, mate. I'm glad at least his things were found. You must have been 'doing a dance' emotionally for a time.

When's he coming home?
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,101
68
Dundee
I'm thinking that there's every chance it's Alzheimer's. Being in a strange environment might have increased his confusion hence the wrong house situation. I take it his friends are aware that your husband has dementia. So hard for you not being there to support him. I hope you have him back safe and sound with you soon.
 

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
492
North West
I'm thinking that there's every chance it's Alzheimer's. Being in a strange environment might have increased his confusion hence the wrong house situation. I take it his friends are aware that your husband has dementia. So hard for you not being there to support him. I hope you have him back safe and sound with you soon.
Thanks both. In a way I hope it is the Alz. The situation is like when my children came home with "tales" from school. I've gone into protective mode but must wait for full details, (if I ever get them).
He is due home tomorrow evening.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,101
68
Dundee
Thanks both. In a way I hope it is the Alz. The situation is like when my children came home with "tales" from school. I've gone into protective mode but must wait for full details, (if I ever get them).
He is due home tomorrow evening.
Give him a big hug!!!:)
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
Agree with Izzy. Think it's probably Alzheimers too and you probably won't get the full story when he gets home as some of it will have got lost in the ether. Good that he'll be home soon.
 

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
492
North West
Agree with Izzy. Think it's probably Alzheimers too and you probably won't get the full story when he gets home as some of it will have got lost in the ether. Good that he'll be home soon.
Knowing him as I do, I expect he will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow always has been able to move on quickly. I probably won't mention it, not worth making him live it again.

However, do feel this will push him forward, subconsciously, with illness despite all my efforts to maintain his self esteem. Grr.

I'm out for the morning now. Please do not think I'm ignoring replies.
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
Rhubarbtree, you've said exactly what I was thinking after reading your initial post about the protective mode. Isn't that exactly what we do? Glad he's coming back to you soon. Try not to overstress over what might have happened. I hope those your hubby is with are aware that he needs watching over. If you can, make a phone call to one of the friends to see how hubby is and ask if someone could at least ensure he brings all his belongings home with him.
 

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
492
North West
Rhubarbtree, you've said exactly what I was thinking after reading your initial post about the protective mode. Isn't that exactly what we do? Glad he's coming back to you soon. Try not to overstress over what might have happened. I hope those your hubby is with are aware that he needs watching over. If you can, make a phone call to one of the friends to see how hubby is and ask if someone could at least ensure he brings all his belongings home with him.
Couple of hours adult education and coffee with friends has improved my mood. Worked out one possible explanation. He might have unpacked in one room then been moved to another, not realising suitcase was empty (it is heavy). Well, we will see.

Need to face the fact that a new stage has been reached. He really doesn't bring much to the party now, very quiet and it would seem too much to ask his friends to check his belongings. Shame he did used to enjoy these trips.
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
Couple of hours adult education and coffee with friends has improved my mood. Worked out one possible explanation. He might have unpacked in one room then been moved to another, not realising suitcase was empty (it is heavy). Well, we will see.

Need to face the fact that a new stage has been reached. He really doesn't bring much to the party now, very quiet and it would seem too much to ask his friends to check his belongings. Shame he did used to enjoy these trips.
I just thought a true friend would look out for a more vulnerable pal. Sorry if my suggestion was offensive. I had no such intention and hope all is well in the end.

Adult education. Sounds great :) Are you training for a degree?
 

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
492
North West
I just thought a true friend would look out for a more vulnerable pal. Sorry if my suggestion was offensive. I had no such intention and hope all is well in the end.

Adult education. Sounds great :) Are you training for a degree?
No offense taken. I have always been fiercely independent and wouldn't ask them to look after him. To be truthful some of them need looking after as well. Last year one guy managed to put a duvet cover on a mattress!

There have been other posts on here about friends drifting away. I wonder if it is more us withdrawing?
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
No offense taken. I have always been fiercely independent and wouldn't ask them to look after him. To be truthful some of them need looking after as well. Last year one guy managed to put a duvet cover on a mattress!

There have been other posts on here about friends drifting away. I wonder if it is more us withdrawing?
Thumbs up for independence! I'm all for it :)

A duvet cover on a mattress. Ahem...how da heck did he do that? Phew!
 

EdenDesjardins

Registered User
May 25, 2015
19
I'm sorry to hear that. It may be a one off case of forgetfulness. Does his family have a history with dementia or Alzheimer's?
 

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
492
North West
I'm sorry to hear that. It may be a one off case of forgetfulness. Does his family have a history with dementia or Alzheimer's?
Well my hunch was correct. He started off in one room but kept returning to a room he used last year, so someone swapped, but OH didn't take all his clothes. Evidently they all had a good laugh about it - shame I couldn't join in. Got this information from friend. However, OH still says someone took his clothes and is quite resentful about it. (And we know how long the resentfullness can go on for). I will have to keep repeating the true account in the hope it will take over.

So it was the Alzheimers and will be again and again. Thanks folks for your interest.
 

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