1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. sjl301264

    sjl301264 Registered User

    Sep 27, 2015
    4
    Carterton, Oxfordshire
    My dad has mixed dementia bordering on stage 2 and we lost my mum in may this year, I have power of attorney and last week noticed that £845 had gone from my dads bank account in a matter of 28 days in 9 cheques, on investigation it turns out he has bought hundreds of porn video's, I wanted to investigate where the money was going before I challenged him as I thought he was being scammed and didn't want to worry him until I had found out.
    My issue now is I don't know how to tell him we know and stop it as he is spending more money than he has coming in, some one please help.
    many thanks
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,719
    Female
    London
    You have power of attorney and have to act in his best interests. Take over and take his cheque book away. Rub the three digit number on the back of his bank card off for good measure too. I know it sounds as if you are curtailing his freedom, but you have to protect his finances. Even the worst sex addict doesn't need that many porn videos!
     
  3. CO CO

    CO CO Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    19
    What the !!! That's a really difficult challenge you have there, approach it like this, tell one of his mates to ask him if he has any porn vids to lend him and his mate could give him them back and say they are different ones he may not notice and stop buying them?????
     
  4. CO CO

    CO CO Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    19
    And what beate said sounds like good advice too
     
  5. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    You have to remember that as P of A you are obliged to look after his finances.

    Just one thing -- are you quite sure he has sent for them for his own use, and not being coerced by someone else?
     
  6. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,230
    Merseyside
    Take the cheque book away.
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    I agree with Beate. We limited my mum's access to any cards/cheques - limited as in stopped and that also stopped any odd or unnecessary or excessive purchases (not for porn videos i hasten to add!)
    I also wondered if they were for him or someone is using him as a personal bank account!! Is there any sign of them in the house?
     
  8. sjl301264

    sjl301264 Registered User

    Sep 27, 2015
    4
    Carterton, Oxfordshire
    Thanks for all replies

    I have cancelled his cheques as soon as I found out he had wrote that many as only tended to write at most 1 a month, I then sent for copies of the cheques to see who they were made payable to, this morning one of my brothers took dad shopping so the other could search the house for his cheque book, he stumbled over the box of videos by accident, mystery solved we found out the videos were coming from the company on the cheques, hundreds of them.

    I don't think he's being coerced into buying them but my problem is telling him I've stopped his cheque book and why, the bank said to tell a white lie that they flagged it to me and stopped his cheques but that doesn't solve the issue of him admitting what he's bought without us embarrassing him.

    He's 80 years old, very fit and able apart from the dementia and I think he's going to have a fit and tell us to mind our own business
     
  9. CO CO

    CO CO Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    19
    That's enough porn for a lifetime, I would get his friend involved if you can
     
  10. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    Sounds as though he's forgotten and just kept buying! As long as you have stopped the cheques and put measures in place to stop him ordering on line - block the number on the phone and then throw away all the literature with the company number on and tell the company that you have the legal right to stop them taking orders from them and ask them to block the account. Then leave the videos where he can access them easily so he doesn't need to buy more.
    Why do you need to even mention it to him? You really only want to stop him spending loads of money on them as he already has too many for one person to watch!!
     

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