1. Q&A: Medication - Thurs 22nd November, 3-4pm

    Do you have questions about medication and drug treatments for dementia? There's no drug to cure dementia yet, but it's often possible to relieve some symptoms.

    Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Simon from our Knowledge Services team. He will be answering your questions on Thursday 22nd November from 3-4pm.

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Sexual intimacy

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by Magnetic, Nov 3, 2018.

  1. Magnetic

    Magnetic Registered User

    Apr 18, 2016
    2
    I continually feel guilty for avoiding sex with my husband.I feel no desire for him now. Does anyone relate to this ?
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,363
    Female
    South coast
    Absolutely. Its not talked about often, but i think its very common
     
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    6,537
    Yorkshire
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    4,891
    Female
    Scotland
    I was just listening to that link tonight on a podcast. It was interesting but of course there is no solution. It at least helps to know that you are not alone with your own changed feelings for the person you are looking after.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    67,087
    Kent
    I have found this topic too personal to discuss with anyone but even though the desire may be lost I considered it a way of providing comfort for my husband and thus an act of love.
     
  6. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    16,369
    Male
    North Manchester
  7. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    742
    Female
    South of the Border
    I had wondered about this kind of thing. My OH lost all thoughts of intimacy in the very early stages of his dementia, and initially I was quite upset and offended, until we had the diagnosis and I realised it was not him - it was the disease.
    We have not shared a room for almost 2 years because of his general ill health anyway.
    It makes me sad, and I would like even a hug again to make me feel more human..........
     
  8. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    54
    My problem is that OH is constantly trying to grope me, which is very offputting, especially when he has just called me his Mother, or recently MY Mother. He comes saying he is needing a Hug which would be fine (I like a hug too) but the hug ALWAYS turns into a groping session. He is like a teenage boy saying ''you show me yours and I'll show you mine''. He seems to have an antenna that detects bare flesh, such that he appears immediately if I am getting changed or washed. I deploy various distraction techniques. The one that works best is if I tell him that a visitor is about to arrive. He also stops immediately if the phone rings. Thankfully, he only 'tries it on' when we are alone. I tried for a bit to grit my teeth and submit, thinking that might satisfy him, but found that this only made him more persistant and upset because he cannot physically take it any further.

    I love/loved him very much and was a more than willing partner in the sexual side of our 50+ marriage but really find the current demands disgusting - one of the worst bits of our situation.
     
  9. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    232
    Female
    Me too@Wifenotcarer, that’s exactly what happens here he’s like a homing pigeon on radar , oh how I wish for a little privacy :(... it helps when others understand.

    Thanks so much A x (( here’s a normal hug )) :)
     
  10. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    158
    My OH grew (or maybe regressed) out of this eventually. The next stage was wishing he had a ‘lady friend’ or thinking random women he met were after him. Now he is like a little boy with seemingly no sexual awareness whatsoever. So ‘hopefully’ your husbands will regress past this stage too. Sympathies!!
     

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