1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Sense of humour failure????

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Louise.D, Sep 3, 2007.

  1. Louise.D

    Louise.D Registered User

    Apr 13, 2007
    68
    Essex
    Went to see mum today. Two carers were covering up the dinner, the care team manager and her brother a regular carer. The manager commented as follows:-

    'Oy, Michael. Watch what you do with that clingfilm'

    'Why'

    'Wave that about and you'll start to scare them. They'll think we will do them in'

    They both laughed.

    I failed to see the funny side. I don't expect comments like this at £650 per week especially from a senior carer.

    Am I being oversensitive? I'm 37 and like a laugh and a joke but this sickened me. My mother has just approached the last stages of AD and I honestly don't think that she has long to go, maybe days, she cannot swallow and she weighs 7st. Things are bad as they are without these sort of comments/jokes.

    Louise
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    No Louise it was completely inappropriate, particularly if they knew you were there. I think "black humour" can be a safety valve but ONLY between peers, not involving anyone else. Medical staff sometimes do tend to have a warped, shall we say, sense of homour, but thet don't display it in front of other people.
     
  3. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Insulted!!

    Insensitive, insulting and showing a deep down, uncaring attitude!!! My problem is when I feel so shocked and upset by things such as this, I don't immediately respond. I go home, get myself into a 'stew' and become angry with myself because I didn't immediately challenge them about the remark.

    Perhaps tomorrow a quiet but firm word with the manager is needed. These sort of remarks should not be ignored. So sorry you have had this upset caused by the very people who should know better. More staff training is needed
    Best wishes,
    TinaT
     
  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Louise, simple answer: No.

    You are not being over sensitive.

    I actually walked out of a job some years ago because I found the so-called 'humour' amongst my fellow workers totally inappropriate to the work we were faced with and I wasn't at that time strong enough to complain about it and fight it . If that's some people's 'coping mechanism' then they're in the wrong job.

    I work now amongst people for whom I have the hugest respect. I try to support them in supporting people in some of the most traumatic of circumstances - and yes - we have a laugh - else - we'd 'go under' - but the humour has to be appropriate to the environment and never, never, never directly or even indirectly relevant or detrimental to the purpose we are all there for. Else we shouldn't be there.

    Sorry, touched a nerve there ...... I'd be blazing ..... everyone, but everyone deserves respect .... and the most vulnerable most of all :mad:

    Love, Karen, x
     
  5. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Louise

    I would be livid and very upset indeed. If they can make these kind of remarks whilst you are there, what maybe are they saying when you are not. Very inappropriate and with a total lack of respect.

    I would certainly put my complaint in writing to the manager.

    Best wishes
    Cate
     
  6. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Cate,you said exactly what i was going to post.What are they saying when nobody is around?I am absolutley disgusted that people who call themselves carers behave in such a manner.I do agree we need to have a laugh,but this isn't funny.Laugh with them,not at them.Appalling to say the least.It makes me ashamed of my job as a carer sometimes.a complaint is well in order.love elainex:mad:
     
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Louise
    you are fully entitled to be upset by such behavior,in front of you too!!!!!
    I would follow the advice alredy given and speak to the manager,formally.
    Is the home one of a large group?.
    If it is and you do not get satisfaction from the manager you can take your concerns to a higher level
    Norman
     
  8. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Louise, remarks like these are uncalled for and coming from the very people who's job it is, to care and provide.:eek: You have every right to be upset. Sorry that things are not going well for your mum. Take Care. Taffy.


    Dear Tina, this quote sounds just like me. I am exactly the same. Many times I have wished that I just could respond there and then, but, my emotions always get in the way.
     
  9. Louise.D

    Louise.D Registered User

    Apr 13, 2007
    68
    Essex
    I'm annoyed now.

    I'm glad you all agree with me.

    I've got to see the manager tomorrow and this will be discussed. Also, the fact that they have failed repeatedly to let me know how much weight mum has lost, and, they have not been cleaning her teeth (again)

    My husband says not to 'rock the boat'. I disagree, I am forever repeating myself to these people. I know that mums care home, like many are shortstaffed and staff underpaid often on minumum wage but this is not the excuse. (That's going to lead to another thread)
    Louise
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    #10 jenniferpa, Sep 4, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2007
    You know, Louise, although it's easy for me to say I think in your position I would be looking for an alternative nursing home. Not because of the comment per se, but because this is indicative of a serious failure in professionalism that can't help carry over into other aspects of the care. As you say, this was the manager, and if she considers this acceptable then that's going to trickle down to other carers. I seriously doubt that anything you or anyone else would say will make a difference to what must be an imbedded mind-set. If its part of a group, I would be complaining to whoever is HER manager.

    Edited to add: rereading your post I see that this was the the care team manager who I assume is not the home manager? And the person you're speaking to is the home manager? In which case I would start there and be quite clear that anyone would think this was totally unacceptable, and if that doesn't produce change, take it higher, if there's soemwhere higher to take it.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,718
    Kent
    I`m afraid this is the kind of incident that happened in the first home my mother was in.

    It was a beautiful place, tasteful, bright and cheerful, with good facilities. But on several occasions I was left with a feeling of disquiet, because of the attitude of some members of staff.

    I did query a couple of incidents, and made a formal complaint about another but there was no permanent improvement.

    I did move my mother in the end.

    Sorry Louise, I don`t want to give you more worry than you have already.

    Love xx
     
  12. Louise.D

    Louise.D Registered User

    Apr 13, 2007
    68
    Essex
    Jennifer, it was the care team manager who made the comment. Tomorrow I'm going to see the Senior Care Team Mananger who is very professional and I know heads are going to roll when she hears bout this one.

    On the whole, the home is not bad and mum likes it. I'm not a pushy person and as they are busy I'm inclined to say ' No worries, look it up and let me know next time'. I'm going to change my attitude now and start to be more assertive with them. At the end of the day my mum is paying for someone to care for her and this should be done and there is no excuse for teethbrushing.

    I'll let you know what happens. I reckon that they'll sack her over this as I know that she was suspended last week over the manner in which she lifted someone.

    Louise
     
  13. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Hope they do sack this woman. As everyone has said - this remark is indicative of a generally uncaring person. Do let us know how you get on xxx TinaT
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.