1. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    As I am new to this site I am probably asking something that has already been discussed elsewhere on here!

    As Mum will have to go into residential care soonish..and Dad is already in a Nursing Home..does that mean her house HAS to be sold? I watched a programme the other week about this but found it a little confusing..as to who gets full funding etc.

    I have thought about her moving in with me but my plans for the future would make that impossible I think...maybe I am too selfish but these plans have been in place for many years now and involve my youngest daughter too..we are moving to Spain due to a severe dislike for what this country has become and the inability to survive here financially for much longer... and have been looking forward to it for a long time. I couldnt take her with me as she has never liked the heat and would swelter out there.

    I feel angry that they should have to sell up after paying into the system for so long....as I am sure many of you do too. It almost makes me want to get her to remove all her savings from the banks now!!!...but I know that too would be wrong.

    Why is life made so hard..when it could be so much easier!!!!!
  2. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Maria

    I understand your anger totally.

    My Mum has AD and has been in residential care, an EMI home for 18 months following my Dad's death.

    They worked hard all their lives and bought their house, a modest semi-detached property and were so proud of it. They saw it as the only way they could leave the children and grandchildren something.

    Mum and Dad's savings are almost gone and we will have to sell her home within the next year to fund her care. Mum has recently been refused continuing care funding ( no surprise there )and has only her pension, attendance allowance and a very small work pension as income. My daughter pays a chunk of her fees and my sister and I contribute a little each month too, but we are far from wealthy.

    We do this to try and see Dad and Mum's wishes fulfilled, but with fees of £2000 a month, we will probably see all the proceeds of the family home funding her 24 hour care.

    It is unfair, the more you try and help yourselves the more is taken away, it seems to be a punishment for daring to get AD, but at the moment, I can't see this system of payment changing. Easy money isn't it?

    I can understand you not wanting to alter your long term plans, after all you have your daughters future to worry about too. There are some excellent fact sheets on this site that give information on the funding options.

    Good luck.

  3. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    My mother has been in residential care for approximately 16 months following my father's death. Her house has not yet been sold but the local authority have a charge on the property and she is therefore on a deferred payments scheme. We have decided against selling her house because while she is on deferred payments it costs £450 per week, as this is what the Local Authority pay, once the property is sold the fees go up to £575 per week, as this is what self funded residents pay!

    There has been a lot of publicity about this recently but, given the fact that we keep hearing that the NHS is short of money, I cannot imagine the government agreeing to increasing the amount of residents who are fully funded.
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    In Spain they have a really good care for people with AD, your mum pension can still be paid out there, and it’s only really hot out there from June - August , anyway if your mum does not want to go what part of Spain are you thinking of moving to ?
  5. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006

    We are going to Alicante.
    Mum says she would love to come...but thats what she says today..who knows tomorrow..or the next day...

    Oh I really dont know..dont know how she would cope...how I would cope..how my daughter would cope...all this never came into my plans for Spain all those years ago when they started to grow in my thoughts...all this has changed so much for me...makes me sad, makes me angry (which annoys me as I feel so selfish)... I have no idea what is going on now, what to do, which way to go....

    I so love my folks, but dont feel I know Mum anymore...even tho she is in early stages she is still a little girl some days, quite vicious to me other days...and it all makes me feel like I am doing something wrong.

    Went to see Dad today and he was awake..made him comfy in bed and put on his IL DIVO Cd...which he reacts to as he speaks 7 languages and loves foreign languages...seems to be his stimulation...I held his hand and he held mine (which was lovely) and I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too ( my father was always very victorian and this meant so much to me as he was looking directly at me and I think he knew who I was)

    Sorry but I have to go now..too may tears..will I ever stop crying..doesnt seem like it

  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Oh Maria,
    Yes, you will stop crying one day, but at the moment your mind is in such a whirl and you are feeling pulled in all directions.
    It's OK to feel angry, I don't believe anyone who says that they don't sometimes feel angry. We all have an emotional investment in the plans that we make for the future, and then things happen that make us look at our plans in a different light. It's OK to be angry and disappointed; it is only a problem if we allow those emotions to consume us and dictate our actions.
    This is a really difficult one for you to work out; my thoughts are with you.

    I'm pleased that you had a good visit with your dad - how wonderful to hear "I love you" - treasure it. Remember that on 3 April 2006 your dad told you he loved you. You are not doing anything wrong with your mum, you know it is her illness. Hang in there.
    Love from

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