1. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I often read others' posts about the sort of difficulties they are experiencing and I am very aware that I don't have to clean up after an incontinence episode and I don't have to shower my husband, that I don't have to feed him or wash copious amounts of bedding, that he goes out and I can have a couple of hours on my own. And then for a few moments I berate myself for complaining about my life.

    But I have learned to forgive myself for thinking like that. It's just that my problems are different and are complicated by his other health issues, his cardiac arrest at home when I resuscitated him and the months of recovery, the hernia and prostate surgeries, the nose bleeds that were severe enough to put him in hospital, the internal bleeds, the cellulitis, the dermatitis, the extensive dental care, all topped off by his paranoia and self obsession. And then the normal household things still have to be done.

    The problems may be different but they take their toll on us just like everybody else.
     
  2. Thethirdmrsc

    Thethirdmrsc Registered User

    Apr 4, 2018
    75
    Everyday @Lawson58 is a difficult and different day, whether you are at the start, middle or the end. Take heart that we are all in it together. We at times all think we are alone, but it’s great to come and find out you are not.

    Today my OH walked past a house and said that he didn’t know who lived there. I told him it was his pal Andy, and he said the didn’t know that. I hoped he did because he has been taking egg boxes and money to him every month!
    It’s a bit like Groundhog Day, because he doesn’t remember anything from yesterday, but with no happy ending.
     
  3. angelhugs

    angelhugs Registered User

    Jan 12, 2019
    32
    I’m so glad I found this thread @Lawson58 @canary @Thethirdmrsc @hillyjay
    My husband still hasn’t been diagnosed because he fooled the Doctor. Our GP knows he had a problem, the Neuropsychological testing showed major problems and his MRI showed atrophy but because he blagged the Doctor into believing he is functioning independently “running three businesses etc alone” he couldn’t give a diagnosis of dementia and treat him so discharged him. Things are getting worse by the day but he is in denial. The latest is the anger and rage aimed at me and my daughter. It’s all such a battle. He still goes out every day to “work” because it’s his routine. He hates me ringing him and it triggers the rage outbursts so I just have to sit at home and hope for the best that he comes home safely. Maybe I should just enjoy the time now because the day will come when he will be unable to go out alone and I will have to look after him and have no time to myself. Thinking of you all at least we aren’t alone in all this.
    Love and hugs xxx
     
  4. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    406
    Sheffield
    Would it be possible for you to talk to his doctor about the rages and other symptom because he might be able to give him something to calm him down. Have you spoken to people who work with him because he might not be functioning well at work and they won’t know why.

    My OH didn’t have short term memory loss at first it was his anger and rages that were the first symptoms. Then problem solving, paranoia and reasoning. His short term memory is bad now but his long term was worse in the beginning .
     
  5. angelhugs

    angelhugs Registered User

    Jan 12, 2019
    32
    I’m definitely going to mention the rages when we see our GP again. I couldn’t speak to anyone he works with because if he found out my life would not be worth living. What sort of paranoia did he show? My husband is always accusing me and my daughter of plotting against him. If I ring him because I am genuinely worried when he is late and I haven’t heard from him all day I get accused of being a *******
    nosey ***** Maybe I should just enjoy the freedom now because I know it can only get worse and he won’t be able to go out alone anymore. He is in denial, he acted like he had won the lottery when he didn’t get diagnosed. He even wanted to buy the Doctor a present because he didn’t say he had dementia. He didn’t take anything else in including the fact he has atrophy showing on the scan. He just said oh it’s just a bit of shrinkage. His MRI shows GCA score of 2 which I’ve looked up and 3 is the highest! Time will tell.
    Love and hugs xxx
     
  6. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,062
    This is an interesting thread, how people just know something is wrong. With my mother-in-law, family had the opposite situation. She had been diagnosed with a personality disorder many years before the dementia diagnosis. Her behaviour with this was very similar to some dementia aspects without the memory loss. My husband and I had strategies already in place to deal with her behaviour. She was needy, fly into rages and had poor logic and reasoning skills . It actually took family a long time to realise that anything more was going on . She probably had dementia many years before the diagnosis. It was when she started talking about Christmas having just gone when we were in July, that we voiced concerns to her GP. She was very quickly diagnosed after that and her decline became more rapid over the next 2 years.
     
  7. angelhugs

    angelhugs Registered User

    Jan 12, 2019
    32
    Hi @Rosettastone57 reading your reply makes me think maybe there were signs years before especially personality and decision making and I just didn’t pick up on it. The first I noticed was forgetting conversations and plans we had made. He would call me a liar, it was lucky he had also discussed the plans with his sister who confirmed them.
     
  8. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    406
    Sheffield
    Hi @angelhugs my OH would get angry if I said no . I could never explain why I was saying no he would just rage at me. He started disliking people who he liked before and was nasty to his cousin which would upset her and he didn’t care. I’d tell him to go the doctors and that he might be depressed. I told him his personality had changed and that I didn’t know who he was anymore!

    I made the appointment but the doctor was useless and told him it could be his prostate??? He then told him to ring for results. I said he couldn’t do that as he had forgotten how to use a phone! He said well he’s got you. I felt so let down and didn’t know where to turn. I left it another 6 months when he crashed into bollards in the middle of the road and nearly turned the car over. He didn’t want me to call AA as he thought he could mend the wheel but I rang them. There was also damage to the diesel pipe which would be dangerous to drive if not fixed. He said to me the reason I was upset is because I hadn’t been in enough accidents! He didn’t care at all just blamed me! I saw a different doctor after that and he referred him urgently to the memory clinic. He told him not to drive anymore.
     
  9. angelhugs

    angelhugs Registered User

    Jan 12, 2019
    32
    Hi @Guzelle
    Hearing your words “he just didn’t care” That’s the main thing I have with my husband. I have just had an operation on my foot and he just doesn’t care about me. He has let me struggle without helping me since he brought me home from hospital. He’s so cold. Also, he never bothers with our children or grandchildren and can go weeks without seeing them or mentioning them. It’s so hurtful.
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,803
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, I know about the loss of empathy.
    I took our cat the the vets as she had suddenly started to become listless and off her food, The vet found cancer and I had to have her put down. I came home and cried, but OH just sat and watched me. When I had finished, he said "Whats for dinner?" and when I said he had no feelings he just shrugged and said "its only a cat!"

    @Guzelle and @angelhugs - does this ring any bells?
    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/frontotemporal-dementia/symptoms/
     
  11. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    406
    Sheffield
    Yes I know what you mean. As far back as 2003 my OH’s colleague whom he he had worked with for 20 years, son died in a car crash I saw it in the paper and he wasn’t bothered. Never said a word I thought this was very odd as before he retired he had been a friend of his.
     

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