1. beverrino

    beverrino Registered User

    Jan 12, 2015
    1,111
    this is just a bit of self-pity but it might feel better to get it off my chest. I am my mothers carer alongside working full time - that in itself is not a simple task but I know many people do this. I have recently had a cough and cold and a week long of nosebleeds and headaches. I have been diagnosed with very high BP which appears to have been the cause of the nose bleeds. I started on tablets last week which did bring my BP down.So I am now awaiting the results of blood tests and an ECG.

    now on top of this a very close friends mother died last night and I have been trying to support them through this. it is all getting a bit on top of me (with yet another nose bleed as I type).

    I just feel the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment. I know there are people in a lot worse situations than me, so I apologise for this complaining.
     
  2. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,475
    London
    Oh bevererrino don't apologise for complaining no wonder things are getting on top.of you so much going on I haven't got a lot of advice but lots of people on TP are so supportive and it helps just to let things out hugs from Nannylondon xx
     
  3. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,525
    North East England
    Don't apologise! You are going through a tough time at the moment and everything seems twice as bad when you are feeling poorly. Working full time and looking after someone with dementia must be really difficult and demanding - is there any way you could take a break? A few days off, either on the sick or holiday? You need a bit of time to yourself to rest and recuperate.

    I hope you start to pick up very soon, big hugs xx
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,738
    Kent
    Hello beverrino

    I`m afraid you may need to learn to say No.

    Your high BP and nosebleeds sound really worrying, even though I have no medical knowledge and however much you care for your friend, it`s one thing to care but quite another to take responsibility for their grief.

    Is there some way you can get help for your mother. Have you had a Carers Assessment?

    You really do need some help.
     
  5. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,953
    Female
    London
    No idea how you manage a full time job and caring...your body is letting you know that it is indeed under a huge weight, clearly too much. You can only do so much so you must indeed say no and find alternatives for Mum, a carer coming in during the week?
     
  6. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    Don't know if it is a new thing but you can go to your GP and get signed off on 'Carer's leave'. No I hadn't heard of it but GP recently told a friend this is what is possible and they have done it and been signed off for 10 days and can get longer if needed.

    Look after yourself.
    Best wishes
    Sue
     
  7. disi

    disi Registered User

    Hi Beverrino, You are certainly NOT complaining, you have so much going on. You really must take some sick leave and think of yourself. It is very sad about your friends Mother, but you can't take on everything. As already been said can you try and get some care plan for your Mother. You can't work full time and care 24/7. Your health will really suffer and who will look after you. Am sending big hugs and thinking of you. Love xxxxxxx
     
  8. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    1,162
    Couldn't agree more. You must listen to your body.
     
  9. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    Do not apologise as Gibbs in NCIS would say, it is a sign of weakness. Have a rant get it out your system You are the strong one and yes we all have self pity when we have no-one to turn to, when no-one seems to care. Well we care, and we are here for you. So please self pity is OK here, we all go thorugh it.
     
  10. Summerheather

    Summerheather Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    160
    Oh please don't look at it as self pity - I think what Carers go through caring for someone they love with Alzheimer's isn't something I would wish on my worse enemy.

    TP is really good for getting stuff off your chest - and feel free to say anything. When I first came here, I was grieving and ranting, my rant was about how I wished my Mum had Cancer instead of Alzheimer's - this was the only place that people understood why I would say that.

    Try and be kind to yourself - grab every little pleasure.
     
  11. liz56

    liz56 Registered User

    Feb 15, 2015
    34
    North Somerset
    Hi
    It's a grim life isn't it !
    Some days ( well most days really!) I dread going home from work and back into carer role . So you are not alone, and I am not surprised you are feeling down.
    Being unwell yourself must be the last straw.
    Do you usually enjoy your work ?



    QUOTE=beverrino;1125043]this is just a bit of self-pity but it might feel better to get it off my chest. I am my mothers carer alongside working full time - that in itself is not a simple task but I know many people do this. I have recently had a cough and cold and a week long of nosebleeds and headaches. I have been diagnosed with very high BP which appears to have been the cause of the nose bleeds. I started on tablets last week which did bring my BP down.So I am now awaiting the results of blood tests and an ECG.

    now on top of this a very close friends mother died last night and I have been trying to support them through this. it is all getting a bit on top of me (with yet another nose bleed as I type).

    I just feel the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment. I know there are people in a lot worse situations than me, so I apologise for this complaining.[/QUOTE]
     
  12. beverrino

    beverrino Registered User

    Jan 12, 2015
    1,111
    Thank you very much everyone for all of your comments and understanding. It is very much appreciated - and it makes me feel so much better to know that there are people out there who care.

    I am lucky that my job allows me to be flexible and that I manage my own workload - so it could be a whole lot more stressful than it actually is. To be honest I felt like staying in bed this morning and taking sick leave - I am still contemplating that route.

    I am lucky that my mum is still fairly capable (on good days) but I don't know for how much longer. I am trying to look on the positive side - but its not easy when I don't feel well.

    Really grateful to all at TP - you are all wonderful
     
  13. Pink Lime

    Pink Lime Account Closed

    Jun 24, 2015
    2
    Hi, Beverrino:) Be strong , you are not the only who have such kind of problems , others might be having much worst than what you are experiencing now. I believe that everything will soon be a rainbow for you. Just don't lose hope and pray always. Remember that God is bigger than our problems. Have faith and you will get better soon:)
     
  14. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    Hi beverrino :)

    You do sound very low and tired. And your body is definitely telling you that you are under too much pressure (sorry, I'm not medically qualified either). Please don't underestimate the stress of being a carer and working. It seems to me you need a break, whether it's called sick leave or not. I was given a week's 'carer leave' some time ago and I think it kept me going for years! It's that important!

    I'm not clear whether you mum has any outside help but as others have said, if not, do look at that as a possibility. I even found unofficial care like a visiting hairdresser and podiatrist to be an absolute boon.

    Take care and good luck :)

    Lindy xx
     
  15. chelsea girl

    chelsea girl Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    139
    I think we all feel like this sometimes. Last nite my mum who has alzheimers was awake from 3am!! 4 days a week i look after my grandaughter in the afternoons and i also work at the local school as a dinner lady! Things jog along quite well until we have a bad nite then i get so tired and over whelmed. I feel like screaming " i cant do this anymore!!" but we do. Tomorrow is another day
     
  16. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    171
    Yorkshire
    Hi Beverrino, Please take some time out to recuperate and look after yourself. Agree with those who have said about learning to say no. Poor health as a carer is often a sign of something bigger, you need to gather your strength whilst you can. There are no prizes for 'doing it all' you know! kind regards.
     
  17. Summerheather

    Summerheather Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    160
    Just remember to be kind to yourself - one of my most favourite activities is to have a coffee out with a friend, something so simple just gives me a break
     

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