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Self Pity

beverrino

Registered User
Jan 12, 2015
1,110
this is just a bit of self-pity but it might feel better to get it off my chest. I am my mothers carer alongside working full time - that in itself is not a simple task but I know many people do this. I have recently had a cough and cold and a week long of nosebleeds and headaches. I have been diagnosed with very high BP which appears to have been the cause of the nose bleeds. I started on tablets last week which did bring my BP down.So I am now awaiting the results of blood tests and an ECG.

now on top of this a very close friends mother died last night and I have been trying to support them through this. it is all getting a bit on top of me (with yet another nose bleed as I type).

I just feel the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment. I know there are people in a lot worse situations than me, so I apologise for this complaining.
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
London
this is just a bit of self-pity but it might feel better to get it off my chest. I am my mothers carer alongside working full time - that in itself is not a simple task but I know many people do this. I have recently had a cough and cold and a week long of nosebleeds and headaches. I have been diagnosed with very high BP which appears to have been the cause of the nose bleeds. I started on tablets last week which did bring my BP down.So I am now awaiting the results of blood tests and an ECG.

now on top of this a very close friends mother died last night and I have been trying to support them through this. it is all getting a bit on top of me (with yet another nose bleed as I type).

I just feel the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment. I know there are people in a lot worse situations than me, so I apologise for this complaining.
Oh bevererrino don't apologise for complaining no wonder things are getting on top.of you so much going on I haven't got a lot of advice but lots of people on TP are so supportive and it helps just to let things out hugs from Nannylondon xx
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Don't apologise! You are going through a tough time at the moment and everything seems twice as bad when you are feeling poorly. Working full time and looking after someone with dementia must be really difficult and demanding - is there any way you could take a break? A few days off, either on the sick or holiday? You need a bit of time to yourself to rest and recuperate.

I hope you start to pick up very soon, big hugs xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,643
Kent
Hello beverrino

I`m afraid you may need to learn to say No.

Your high BP and nosebleeds sound really worrying, even though I have no medical knowledge and however much you care for your friend, it`s one thing to care but quite another to take responsibility for their grief.

Is there some way you can get help for your mother. Have you had a Carers Assessment?

You really do need some help.
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
London
No idea how you manage a full time job and caring...your body is letting you know that it is indeed under a huge weight, clearly too much. You can only do so much so you must indeed say no and find alternatives for Mum, a carer coming in during the week?
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
Don't know if it is a new thing but you can go to your GP and get signed off on 'Carer's leave'. No I hadn't heard of it but GP recently told a friend this is what is possible and they have done it and been signed off for 10 days and can get longer if needed.

Look after yourself.
Best wishes
Sue
 

disi

Registered User
Aug 4, 2014
5,722
Ex pat living in Sweden
Hi Beverrino, You are certainly NOT complaining, you have so much going on. You really must take some sick leave and think of yourself. It is very sad about your friends Mother, but you can't take on everything. As already been said can you try and get some care plan for your Mother. You can't work full time and care 24/7. Your health will really suffer and who will look after you. Am sending big hugs and thinking of you. Love xxxxxxx
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,162
No idea how you manage a full time job and caring...your body is letting you know that it is indeed under a huge weight, clearly too much. You can only do so much so you must indeed say no and find alternatives for Mum, a carer coming in during the week?
Couldn't agree more. You must listen to your body.
 

patsy56

Registered User
Jan 14, 2015
839
Fife Scotland
this is just a bit of self-pity but it might feel better to get it off my chest. I am my mothers carer alongside working full time - that in itself is not a simple task but I know many people do this. I have recently had a cough and cold and a week long of nosebleeds and headaches. I have been diagnosed with very high BP which appears to have been the cause of the nose bleeds. I started on tablets last week which did bring my BP down.So I am now awaiting the results of blood tests and an ECG.

now on top of this a very close friends mother died last night and I have been trying to support them through this. it is all getting a bit on top of me (with yet another nose bleed as I type).

I just feel the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment. I know there are people in a lot worse situations than me, so I apologise for this complaining.
Do not apologise as Gibbs in NCIS would say, it is a sign of weakness. Have a rant get it out your system You are the strong one and yes we all have self pity when we have no-one to turn to, when no-one seems to care. Well we care, and we are here for you. So please self pity is OK here, we all go thorugh it.
 

Summerheather

Registered User
Feb 22, 2015
160
Oh please don't look at it as self pity - I think what Carers go through caring for someone they love with Alzheimer's isn't something I would wish on my worse enemy.

TP is really good for getting stuff off your chest - and feel free to say anything. When I first came here, I was grieving and ranting, my rant was about how I wished my Mum had Cancer instead of Alzheimer's - this was the only place that people understood why I would say that.

Try and be kind to yourself - grab every little pleasure.
 

liz56

Registered User
Feb 15, 2015
34
North Somerset
Hi
It's a grim life isn't it !
Some days ( well most days really!) I dread going home from work and back into carer role . So you are not alone, and I am not surprised you are feeling down.
Being unwell yourself must be the last straw.
Do you usually enjoy your work ?



QUOTE=beverrino;1125043]this is just a bit of self-pity but it might feel better to get it off my chest. I am my mothers carer alongside working full time - that in itself is not a simple task but I know many people do this. I have recently had a cough and cold and a week long of nosebleeds and headaches. I have been diagnosed with very high BP which appears to have been the cause of the nose bleeds. I started on tablets last week which did bring my BP down.So I am now awaiting the results of blood tests and an ECG.

now on top of this a very close friends mother died last night and I have been trying to support them through this. it is all getting a bit on top of me (with yet another nose bleed as I type).

I just feel the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment. I know there are people in a lot worse situations than me, so I apologise for this complaining.[/QUOTE]
 

beverrino

Registered User
Jan 12, 2015
1,110
Thank you very much everyone for all of your comments and understanding. It is very much appreciated - and it makes me feel so much better to know that there are people out there who care.

I am lucky that my job allows me to be flexible and that I manage my own workload - so it could be a whole lot more stressful than it actually is. To be honest I felt like staying in bed this morning and taking sick leave - I am still contemplating that route.

I am lucky that my mum is still fairly capable (on good days) but I don't know for how much longer. I am trying to look on the positive side - but its not easy when I don't feel well.

Really grateful to all at TP - you are all wonderful
 

Pink Lime

Account Closed
Jun 24, 2015
2
Hi, Beverrino:) Be strong , you are not the only who have such kind of problems , others might be having much worst than what you are experiencing now. I believe that everything will soon be a rainbow for you. Just don't lose hope and pray always. Remember that God is bigger than our problems. Have faith and you will get better soon:)
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Hi beverrino :)

You do sound very low and tired. And your body is definitely telling you that you are under too much pressure (sorry, I'm not medically qualified either). Please don't underestimate the stress of being a carer and working. It seems to me you need a break, whether it's called sick leave or not. I was given a week's 'carer leave' some time ago and I think it kept me going for years! It's that important!

I'm not clear whether you mum has any outside help but as others have said, if not, do look at that as a possibility. I even found unofficial care like a visiting hairdresser and podiatrist to be an absolute boon.

Take care and good luck :)

Lindy xx
 

chelsea girl

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
139
I think we all feel like this sometimes. Last nite my mum who has alzheimers was awake from 3am!! 4 days a week i look after my grandaughter in the afternoons and i also work at the local school as a dinner lady! Things jog along quite well until we have a bad nite then i get so tired and over whelmed. I feel like screaming " i cant do this anymore!!" but we do. Tomorrow is another day
 

chrisdee

Registered User
Nov 23, 2014
171
Yorkshire
Hi Beverrino, Please take some time out to recuperate and look after yourself. Agree with those who have said about learning to say no. Poor health as a carer is often a sign of something bigger, you need to gather your strength whilst you can. There are no prizes for 'doing it all' you know! kind regards.
 

Summerheather

Registered User
Feb 22, 2015
160
Just remember to be kind to yourself - one of my most favourite activities is to have a coffee out with a friend, something so simple just gives me a break
 

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