Self centredness
- Thread starter VerityRuth
- Start date
Thank you all
Being new to this site I had expected maybe an email notification if someone responded to a post of mine so thought noone had replied and now I find that all these lovely people have responded. THANK YOU SO MUCH - I really appreciate this. Yes those that said that people with Alzheimers become like children are so correct. My husband sticks his tongue out at me in public and in a hall the other day turned his chair around to put his back to me. Oh dear, just have to soldier on but knowing now that people do respond on here is going to make a lot of difference to me. I don't have any close family and my husbands only daughter lives in the States so I am completely on my own in caring for him - and very lonely it feels at times. We are back to the consultant next week to try an alternative medication. The Aricept made him somewhat violent and I was scared and he stopped taking it. I am fortunate that I am still able to go out and leave him on his own and that time with friends is precious to me but I know that at some time in the future I will have to arrange for someone to come in to be with him. Sorry I am going on a bit and will stop now but thank you to all the lovely people who responded to me. xx
Being new to this site I had expected maybe an email notification if someone responded to a post of mine so thought noone had replied and now I find that all these lovely people have responded. THANK YOU SO MUCH - I really appreciate this. Yes those that said that people with Alzheimers become like children are so correct. My husband sticks his tongue out at me in public and in a hall the other day turned his chair around to put his back to me. Oh dear, just have to soldier on but knowing now that people do respond on here is going to make a lot of difference to me. I don't have any close family and my husbands only daughter lives in the States so I am completely on my own in caring for him - and very lonely it feels at times. We are back to the consultant next week to try an alternative medication. The Aricept made him somewhat violent and I was scared and he stopped taking it. I am fortunate that I am still able to go out and leave him on his own and that time with friends is precious to me but I know that at some time in the future I will have to arrange for someone to come in to be with him. Sorry I am going on a bit and will stop now but thank you to all the lovely people who responded to me. xx
Hello VerityRuth
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Best wishes.
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Best wishes.
I think we all know it's the disease causing this sort of behaviour, but that doesn't make it any easier for relatives to live with day after day. We could call it something else, like 'dementia-induced lack of empathy' - the 's' words are just a sort of shorthand for that, as I think most people on here will understand only too well.
Not everyone was empathetic and supportive before the disease struck. Some were quite the opposite, and for their carers the challenge is to accept today's Dementia Induced Lack of Empathy while trying to forget the past.
True. Some people will always have been selfish/self-centred and if they continue to be like this after dementia strikes it would seem reasonable to call them selfish.
But I assumed from the OP that this was a new development. Otherwise, If you've always had to cope with a selfish partner, why is it such a problem? Maybe because the constant caring lessens our ability to deal with it?
Whether people have dementia or not and this describes them then surely they are
selfish
ˈsɛlfɪʃ/Submit
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
"I joined them for selfish reasons"
synonyms: egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centred, self-regarding, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself, inward-looking, introverted, self-loving;
It is just a describing word, and up to the individual to say what they want, like saying someone is aggressive you could still say they were aggressive even if they weren't before,
or what about kind would you say they were kind if they weren't before,
selfish
ˈsɛlfɪʃ/Submit
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
"I joined them for selfish reasons"
synonyms: egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centred, self-regarding, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself, inward-looking, introverted, self-loving;
It is just a describing word, and up to the individual to say what they want, like saying someone is aggressive you could still say they were aggressive even if they weren't before,
or what about kind would you say they were kind if they weren't before,
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I see what you are saying jeany but maybe the answer is in the definition you have quoted:
"I joined then for selfish reasons"
Many of the people we are discussing would be quite incapable of voluntarily joining anyone or anything, never mind for 'selfish' reasons. They lack the capacity.
Words like 'selfish' are very judgemental and probably rightly so in normal conversation - few people would wish to be so described.
"I joined then for selfish reasons"
Many of the people we are discussing would be quite incapable of voluntarily joining anyone or anything, never mind for 'selfish' reasons. They lack the capacity.
Words like 'selfish' are very judgemental and probably rightly so in normal conversation - few people would wish to be so described.
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It should be straightforward but PM me if not. I had to find out about this as I did it ages ago and had forgotten!
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Back to you, Verity Ruth, and I hope you're feeling better today. My husband has almost lost the ability to make a cup of tea, but he tries. I get many mugs of tea every day, some cold, some half tea and half coffee, some made with yesterday's teabags, and all spilling over and leaving puddles, but I think that every one shows that he wants to do something for me, so the other 'selfish' things don't seem so bad.( I have increasingly painful arthritis and he is surprised every time I wince!)
I hope you got a cup of tea today.
I hope you got a cup of tea today.
Getting notifications
Stanley - you are a star - thank you so much so hopefully now I will start to use this site a lot more - it helps with the loneliness and isolation I sometimes feel.
Stanley - you are a star - thank you so much so hopefully now I will start to use this site a lot more - it helps with the loneliness and isolation I sometimes feel.
Thank you Ann. My husband still makes tea but when I ask for coffee he cant remember from the sitting room to the kitchen and comes back 3 times to ask and then I get what I didnt want, but cant complain. He now only does things when asked, rarely does he think "that needs doing" and if I ask him to put things away in the kitchen he can't remember where everything goes. At the moment he knows how bad his memory is and it is making him depressed and wanting to opt out of everything. He has been a member of the Lions Club for some years and now says he should leave because he is frightened of not being where he should be for charity events but I have arranged with them for all emails and notifications to come to me so I can make him a list and they have said they won't let him leave and he isn't the only member with this problem. I run a choir and he so enjoys that, I think singing is one of the best things we can do as a hobby.
Sorry I have talked so much about my problems but I am so sorry about yours because you are further forward than me and I wish you well and a lot of patience.
Sorry I have talked so much about my problems but I am so sorry about yours because you are further forward than me and I wish you well and a lot of patience.
The reason I don't think you can call people with dementia selfish, regardless of whether they could be called such before their illness, is because the definition of the word is:-
"lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure."
A person with dementia is not getting any "personal profit or pleasure" out of their behaviour. They are also not capable of considering others. They are just surviving in the best way they can with their limited abilities.
The same misnomer is applied to those suffering from mental illness. I have heard terms like "emotional blackmail" when it is just the person's mental suffering and extreme needs making themselves heard.
"lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure."
A person with dementia is not getting any "personal profit or pleasure" out of their behaviour. They are also not capable of considering others. They are just surviving in the best way they can with their limited abilities.
The same misnomer is applied to those suffering from mental illness. I have heard terms like "emotional blackmail" when it is just the person's mental suffering and extreme needs making themselves heard.
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