Two weeks ago was mum's first anniversary. I took 2 days off work, met up with some friends and thought: well, that's that. Another milestone. Then today, out of the blue, I suddenly feel bereft.I lived with her for 61 years, and she was always there for me, we got on well, even with the dementia, she knew me and told me often that she loved me. Everyone says that over time
grief lessens, but today it just gave me a mighty whack, as if to say, I haven't gone away, you know. I feel I am almost expected to have moved on, and try not to talk about so much, but then I realise that I am not going to see her friendly face again, and I am back at square one.
I had thought about counselling, in the past, but decided to wait to see how I got on. I don't know how lockdown has affected me. I live on my own, and other than the carers who visited mum, I would never see anyone else. So lockdown is no different from how things are. I do wonder if it has made it more difficult for me to move on emotionally.
At the moment, it just seems that I am stuck. I appreciate what people say about no timeline for grief, but it just seems a spiral. I know that getting back to any " normality"is a long way off yet. I feel I have lost my carer role, but dont know what my role is going to be.Sorry for rambling self-indulgently, but I just feel at a loss .
grief lessens, but today it just gave me a mighty whack, as if to say, I haven't gone away, you know. I feel I am almost expected to have moved on, and try not to talk about so much, but then I realise that I am not going to see her friendly face again, and I am back at square one.
I had thought about counselling, in the past, but decided to wait to see how I got on. I don't know how lockdown has affected me. I live on my own, and other than the carers who visited mum, I would never see anyone else. So lockdown is no different from how things are. I do wonder if it has made it more difficult for me to move on emotionally.
At the moment, it just seems that I am stuck. I appreciate what people say about no timeline for grief, but it just seems a spiral. I know that getting back to any " normality"is a long way off yet. I feel I have lost my carer role, but dont know what my role is going to be.Sorry for rambling self-indulgently, but I just feel at a loss .