seems all of a sudden

[calamityjane]

I know the AD has been comming on the last 4 years at least but was only mentioned to me this February at first i cried for 2 weeks it was like a bereavment then i settled down into what i thought would be a few years of mother confussed etc but the paranoia is very active the last 3 weeks or so she has acused me of over doseing her to borrowing money 20 years ago off my brother who lives with her and has learning difficultys and never paying it back ,he has taken this to heart and believes it is soand it has made him very upset with me to the point of him screeming abuse at me and my family i was on the phone all day Thursday to her GP first (well his receptionist who was going in to talk to him then coming back on the phone and relaid to me his answer which was he will come down if i agree to be there to section her and he hadn`t even seen her this amazed me ,so i phoned her psychiatrist and spoke to his receptionist told her the story i was told to phone both my mothers and brothers social workers then ,phoned my mums was told as she is under the psychiatrist and has been for the last 20 odd years she cant do nothing needs to be a psychiatric social worker so phone my brothers ( but she isnt in for a few days and no one else to handle it so i told the person on the phone ) the situation as my mother is having parinod thoughts she is telling my brother who because of his learning impediment believes it to be true and things are getting out of hand ,if my daughter hadn`t walked in when she did to defuse the situation he could have become violent was told to phone back Monday he could have killed one of us by then .In the meantime her psychiatrist phoned me back himself when i told him the story he asked for my brothers social workers phone number and hour later the head of learning difficlty team phoned me said she would phone again Monday as things by this time had clamed down ,he also told me to request a GP visit but i was told unless it was to put her into hospital for he didnt want to come out phone Monday and talk to his partner talk about being given the run around .Of course my mother is unaware of any of this fuss and is quite hAPPY over there today as i run and get the shopping in give her and my broter there tablets put the food on etc i am totaly drained by it all not so much was has occured but as what will happen next ,already i am afraid unless the thoughts of me doing all sort`s of things to her subside i cant see how they will be able to remain living togeather as the situation is made 10 times worse with my brother going mad with me at her stories i did talk to him about it today and he understands its mams illness but he like my mother will forget again tomorrow What can i do ! just one last thing i read the posts on here and as mam havn`t been able to handle money for the last year at least i thought it would be good to tell her bank that i am invoved with it also and mam signed for me to be able to sort things out for her i had no card as i refused didnt see the point as i only get it out once a week for her shopping but yesterday she phoned and canceled that arrangment now today she wants to put me back Monday for her to sign me on again i told her i dont want anything to do with her money its to stressful ,she also told me a nurse came down and did the memory test in the house yesterday and is giving it to the DR so maybe thats a good thing three months into this nigtmare and i am already at my wits end one confussed person is bad but 2 i dont know which way to turn .Thanks for listerning

 

[Lynne]

Oh Jane, you poor love! No wonder you are at your wits end, trying to cope with your Mum & your brother, and with them winding each other up against you!!

I can't help but think this situation is getting beyond you. If your Mum has been receiving psychiatric treatment for the past 20 years or so, things were obviously not good even before AD appeared on the scene - which her doctor is aware of. Add to that your brother's anger & possible potential for violence (even though he is mistaken about the cause of it) and I think you are in a very difficult, even dangerous, situation.

You mentioned your daughter, but how much help is she able to give you? Actually now I think about it, she may not even be an adult. What are the ages of your Mum, your brother & your daughter?

With regard to managing your Mum's money for her, I think you need to have an Enduring Power of Attorney (signed by your Mum) to regularise your position. There is information about this in the Factsheets (click on the link at the top left of the screen). However, this has to be with Mum's agreement, it's no good if she changes her mind every other day!

I know you are being given the run around by all the various social workers etc. but I do think you are going to need more outside help, or you are going to crack up under the strain, and then what will everyone who now depends on you do?

Best wishes.

 

[Margarita]

or you are going to crack up under the strain

That Nearly happen to me ,

Hope you don’t mind me saying we know your mum only going to get worse & your brother & mother our not going to be able to live together for good , I don’t know what mental illness your brother has , but could he social worker not refer him to support housing ,or put your mother in emergency respite .



Its going to be hard to separate them if they our use to living together, but your going to have to stand your grand with them both now & stress to SW , how bad your mum getting .

Please don’t take it personal when your mum says things like steeling from her, a tip when your in a situation with your brother that his arguing with you its best not to argue back bite your tongue , say yes I shall give you the money back its just that I forgot, then walk out & get on the phone & call emergency SW or CPN .

 

[Margarita]

When I said That Nearly happen to me

or you are going to crack up under the strain

Just wanted to let you know I have a brother who has a mental illness & mum has AD, they use to live together 4 years ago ( long story ) I did read a thread you done to introduce your self, you said blood is thinker then water, & you been looking after them both for 8 years? Have you had a respite in all that time? Has your mother had a care assessment done?

 

[Kathleen]

Hello Jane

Reading your post made me so angry, you poor thing.

There are three very unhappy people crying out for help and the social workers and GP have let you all down very badly.

You Mum and brother need professional help and support yet no-one seems to be listening to you. You need help and support too but have just been abandoned.

Is there any way your Mum could go into emergency respite to have her medication looked at, the psychiatrist should be able to help with that. Maybe your brother,too, could be looked after for a while to give you space to look into a better permanent arrangement for them both.

It seems to me that if things go on as they are now, sooner or later someone is going to get hurt, then, no doubt you will be asked why you didn't ask for help earlier!!

You need to get back on the phone and insist that you have help today. Easier said than done I know, but with AD you learn to shout sometimes just to be heard.

Good luck

Kathleen

 

[calamityjane]

Thank you all for your support you were indeed right all 3 of you in what you said the first Lynne saying this is beyond me as i have fallen down on the job ,i didnt mention i have psoratic arthritis as although i have had BIG FLARE ups one which put me to bed for 3 months with legs feet all swollen completly bed bound they were years ago and i have been good latley but with all the stress i shopped for my family and my mother and brother Saturday and was limping and in pain but i thought after a good nights rest i would be fine when i woke Sunday i couldnt move the Dr came out to me Monday and gave me meds the first 2 nights i couldnt sleep with the pain but i am making up for it now the tablets seem to be working although i cant stand or walk i am useing my computer chair as a wheelchair that is how i managed to get into the study from the bedroom with my husband behind me and as we have mostly wooden floors it works fine .Anyway since i posted last the psychiatrist has worked his magic (he has been wonderful to us as a family over the years )he phoned around and a nurse called at mams house over the weekend did a test of her memory which was not that bad she was told i wasnt there of course as i am now confined to the upstairs of the house my daughter who is 26 has taken time off work to look after all of us she is doing all that i did for man and my brother and keeping me afloat here and i have a son 17 also a husband but he was made redundant the week before Xmas and has a new job thank goodness but as he is new there he couldnt start asking for time off and altho it sounds harsh it is never the less true he is not much good at cooking shopping etc .A Dr arrived mams house yesterday he did another test ,i again was unable to be there but my daughter was he told her he didnt think it was AD but her brain has shrunk and she has dementia he also thinks she is very depressed and questioned her about the paranioa he told her he will give her anti depression tablets and arrange for her to go to a day centre this is all good (if she will go )the only bad thing is she will not now be under the more than helpfull psychaiartist and our GP is hopless when he came to me about my flare up and i told him of the mistrust and acusations my mother is having with me he said yes she phoned me i believed her and thought it was a domestic oh well if she is confussed with your brother in the picture as well YOU KNOW THEY WILL HAVE TO BE TAKEN IN SOME WHERE DONT YOU .Yes i have been screeming this to social workers who promise to phone back like last week my brothers was to phone back Monday morning havnt heard from here since and i stressed it is dangerious then my mother didnt even have one OMG what a shower ,but the memory clinic team are now involved as yet i havnt spoke to any one from the team as i have folded but my daughter is prepared to hold the fort untill such time as something gets sorted .Thank you once again for all your replys i know mine isnt a typical case if there is such a thing but your concern has touched and helped me immensley yes Margarita i have had years dealing with the psychiatric illness my mother suffers from but am clutching at straws as now another illness has entered the frame and am trying to learn from this wonderfull site it is so informative and supportive which is the best way to help her .