1. Katie Malarkey

    Katie Malarkey Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    Yesterday at 6.20am, my lovely mam finally died after suffering from Vascular Dementia for many years. Just a couple of day's ago, I'd told her it was ok to go - not to keep hanging on just for me, because I'd be fine and she'd done more than enough fighting.

    I'm extremely grateful to Citybythesea's posting of 'When death is near' - it made complete sence to me that I had to actually tell mam that although I'd miss her, I was willing to let her move on because I loved her so much. When she did let go, I told her I'd "see her later" as I alway's had, every night.

    She was the most loving, caring mam and there'll be a big empty space in my life that she used to occupy, but I'll attempt to keep the promise I made to her about being ok if she went on her way.

    Thankyou to TP members for your support, I know you'll help me with this!

    Love Katie x
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Oh Katie, I`m so sorry.

    Your posting of your mother`s death is a brave and unselfish post. You were thinking of her before yourself all the time.

    Please stay with Talking Point. There will always be support and understanding here for you.

    Love xx
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    So sorry about your mum Katie....I think reassuring her that you would be ok will have given her peace in her dying.
    Take care...
    Love Helen
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Katie

    So sorry to hear about your mum.

    You must be feeling terrible today, but I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you gave her such a peaceful passing. You showed her how much you loved her in the only way you could, and she must have felt warm and comforted by your words.

    Please stay with us, and let us comfort you now.

  5. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    Nr Mold
    So sorry for your loss.

    Love and hugs

  6. sarah<3

    sarah<3 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    thats so good of you
    im not sure if i'd be able to do the same, and you sound like a wonderful brave person
    take care
  7. Katie Malarkey

    Katie Malarkey Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    Thankyou so very much everyone for your kindness (don't know about being brave!).

    Her funeral's tomorrow, I wrote some notes about her life for the priest to read out....how she had been a talented singer - even singing to entertain the other residents in her nursing home in the early years of her being there, bless her. I hope I've done her justice in the few words I've given him - I will miss her so much.

    Thankyou again

    The song is ended, but the melody lingers on......
  8. Bigt

    Bigt Registered User

    Jun 6, 2008
    So sorry for your loss and I hope you stay strong for your mam.Remember your mam has gone to a better place but she will allways be there with you.Take care..Tony.xxx
  9. Bristolbelle

    Bristolbelle Registered User

    Aug 18, 2006
    Dear Katie.....

    .... you "hope you have done her justice"? Katie you HAVE done her justice in the warmth of your words the hope in your heart, and every time you look in the mirror knowing you are a living part of her, and that the love and tenderness you now offer others is a testiment to the love she taught you.

    Tender thoughts at this sad time

  10. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    I just want to add my condolences at this sad time.

    There is no doubt at all that you have done justice to your Mum -she would be extremely proud of you. In you, the melody lingers on.
    My thoughts will be with you tomorrow and I do hope you can use TP as when you need comfort and support.

  11. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    Hi Katie

    You have done exactly the right thing for your Mum. You will miss her. The sadness does linger but there can be joy in life too.

    Wishing you strength for tomorrow.


  12. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Katie,
    I am so sorry to read that you have lost your dear Mum.
    We are all here for you.
    Best wishes
  13. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    Dear Katie

    We are both so sorry to hear about your Mam.
    We send our love at this sad time for you.
    Barb & Ron XXX
  14. Katie Malarkey

    Katie Malarkey Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    Like Mameeskye, I've stopped counting now too (or rather I now only refer to how many 'months' have passed rather than days/weeks!).

    I can't get over how strange it feels not to worry... no longer carrying out the obsessive ritual that used to see me checking my home telephone was plugged in and had a dialling tone every night before I went to bed, just incase the NH rang (it used to drive my hubby up the wall!). No longer checking my mobile phone has a signal every 15 minutes while at work or while I'm out anywhere. No longer panic stricken at the mere mention of a break away or holiday. Yes, strange indeed.

    (I love and miss you mam, so very much, and I'm sorry for all the times I was cruel and frustrated with you - I know you know that though. I think of you every time I see a rainbow xx)

    I've been 'browsing' TP quite a lot since mam's funeral, without posting - but feel that I can now.

    Heartfelt and sincere gratitude to TP members for your unconditional and invaluable support - always.

    Katie x
  15. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Dear Katie, I am so sorry I missed your earlier posting of your dear mum's death. Belated condolences sounds so bad, but sincerly meant.

    Your words:
    will echo with so many of our members.

    Thank you for rejoining us. Any contributions you make will be so valuable. You have travelled the journey. I hope that TP can continue to give you support.
  16. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    HI Katie


    I think you only realise afterwards what a weight you have been holding on your shoulders. I truly thought that it was purely a figure of speech until after Mum died, when eventhough I was sad, as I drove home from the NH I could feel it lift.

    It affects your thinking and your actions. You have no true freedom and only once it has gone do you recognise how heavy it truly once.

    It doesn't stop you missing your Mum, but is a blessing. I found feelings of happiness that I had not sensed for ages and a feeling of being alive again.

    Like you I love and miss my Mum like crazy, but life goes on, just that it is different from before. She would want me to go on and go forward. It is a Mother's greatest gift.


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