1. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
    At the end of March my husband went into a psychiatric hospital under the mental capacity act and within 2 weeks was put on a section 3 because the agitation and violence became extreme. He was prescribed different meds over the past few weeks and although his dementia is severe, he is calmer. However he is having one to one care and is isolated from the other patients much of the time because noise has become a trigger to agitation. The nursing home where he has been a resident for 7 months do not wish to reassess him and there are no suitable homes within 30 miles. I am beside myself with worry as to his future.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,738
    Female
    Scotland
    Your posts are a reminder that there are many different experiences with this illness. I wish you well and know how hollow that must sound when things are so troubling.
     
  3. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,140
    With you so much in spirit. It is a horrendous journey. Thank God for TP. The experiences we go through as carers and as sufferers are inhuman. You need energy to experience let alone record joyous or warm uplifting moments. I am so very sorry, please keep talking to us.
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,733
    Salford
    My wife was section 3 for 6 months, the social worker gave me a list of the local homes but as soon as I said section 3 must didn't want to know.
    I did look round several but looking at the other residents I could see they all had way more capacity than my wife and she really wouldn't fit in, she'd be too disruptive.
    In the secure assessment unit visiting times were fixed so we all visited a the same time so I got to know many of the other visitors and when discharge was talked about we all got together and compared notes on care home.
    Three of them live within a mile of me so we were all looking in the same area and visiting the same homes, it ended up with us all picking the same home. Two years later none of us regret the decision, sadly one of the ladies passed away but my wife and the other 2 are still there.
    I'd be inclined to push the problem onto the social worker, as it will be section 117 funded it's their problem too in spite of what they may try and tell you.
    If you're talking about him needing 1 to 1 even just until he settles in then they'd have to agree to pay for it so there's no point in you picking somewhere if it comes with an unaffordable top up for you to pay although section 117 does allow for first party top up so you can pay it from his money, usually it has to be a third party that pays.
    There were a couple of men in the secure unit and I was told basically nowhere would take them but there are apparently some NHS places dotted around that are the last resort.
    Not much was said about these places until every other option had been ruled out but one woman was told it might be the only option for her husband but it would be somewhere near Leeds (40 miles away).
    Basically when aggression or sectioning is involved the choice is very limited so I'd get the social worker involved, tell them you've looked, there is nothing so it's over to you.
    K
     
  5. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
    I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through and feel much the same. Please look after yourself too x
     
  6. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
     
  7. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
    Thank you Kevin. The psychiatrists believe that he will need one to one care until he is immobile! We had yet another set back this week when he hit a male HCA who was trying to prevent him from washing his face and hands in the toilet he had just used. Luckily we have a very supportive social worker who is working hard to find the right place. Sadly we are still weeks away from that being possible. I am exhausted by it all.
    That was a good idea to get together with other families and must have been a relief for all of you to find the right home for your loved ones.
     
  8. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,733
    Salford
    The consultant may want 1 to 1 care but I doubt the LA will pay for it. One to one care in a care home If it's 24/7 then figures of over £3,000pw are common as the home need to use agency staff or to replace their member of staff for what may be quite a time.
    What consultants suggest and what the panel who sort out the finances will approve are two different things I've found.
    I'm glad to hear you have a good social worker but it'll be an uphill battle to find somewhere that can meet his needs if he's still violent.
    K
     
  9. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
    No light at the end of this tunnel .
     
  10. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,140
    all strength to you, sweetheart. I thought there was no light in my tunnel too but sometimes things turn out better than we thought, even in dreadful situations like this.
     
  11. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,284
    Female
    South of the Border
    I have read this thread with care and despair. This is the dark face of dementia that no one ever talks about, it is the thing of nightmares. It is fine what you see on T V of jolly people colouring books, singing old songs, and doing jig saws. Dementia is so so much more than that. I am not as far down this journey as you are with my partner, but my heart goes out to you. Stay strong, together and for each other.xxx
     
  12. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
    Thank you x
     
  13. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
    I love him as much today as I did when we married 50 years ago Maryjoan ad will never give up fighting for him. xx
     
  14. kennedy1948

    kennedy1948 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2013
    58
    Huntingdon
    Thank you x
     
  15. Alicenutter

    Alicenutter Registered User

    Aug 29, 2015
    560
    Massachusetts USA
    Our situation is somewhat different because we're in the USA, although I'm English. My husband was sectioned here in Massachusetts in December 2016 after assaulting me in a public place. It took six months, two different hospitals and three different care homes but he is now settled and well cared for in a Skilled Nursing Facility which specialises in difficult behaviours. He was EXTREMELY aggressive during these first months of 2017, and I made the mistake of placing him in pretty places with pot plants and pianos which claimed to deal with 'challenging behaviour'. They did not. Now he is in a converted hospital, where the paint is peeling off the walls and the care is loving and extraordinary. It literally took him 48 hours to calm down there, and I think it was because of the high levels and quality of staffing. I visit three times a week, but feel quite okay about leaving him for up to three weeks when I go and take care of business back in France, where we used to live. What I'm saying is, there will be a place for your husband somewhere, and even if it's a way away, as long as it's the right place, that's what matters. You may have to make changes in your own way of life, for sure, but honestly that's not as hard as trying to do the impossible at home with a man who has a degenerative neurological condition and needs specialised care.
     
  16. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,140
    Oh my dear, I honour that and feel the same about my OH. This is what makes us fully human although it is such a hard path. I sit listening to my OH talking nonsense for hours in the vain hope that something he says will mean something to me ... Thank you for posting and please keep in touch
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.