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Secondary carers with health problems

julietmarlow

Registered User
Jan 2, 2016
1
Hi all, my father has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's although he has had problems on & off for at least 8 years. My mother is still alive & is his primary carer and my siblings and I live a fair distance away. I am struggling with how I can help them both, especially as I am a physically disabled person myself and cannot do much practically speaking. I can feel myself grieving already as my Dad didn't recognise me over Christmas and I just need to chat with people who know what we are all going through. Any advice is appreciated too, thank you.
 

cat6214

Registered User
Jan 2, 2016
10
Central New Jersey
Is your mom able to care for him?

Hi all, my father has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's although he has had problems on & off for at least 8 years. My mother is still alive & is his primary carer and my siblings and I live a fair distance away. I am struggling with how I can help them both, especially as I am a physically disabled person myself and cannot do much practically speaking. I can feel myself grieving already as my Dad didn't recognise me over Christmas and I just need to chat with people who know what we are all going through. Any advice is appreciated too, thank you.
You did not say how old your parents are. Is your mom healthy and able to care for him? Then maybe home health aides may be all that is needed right now. I do suggest that you, your siblings and your mom have a meeting soon, maybe with an elder care lawyer, to work out a plan for your dad's care moving forward, and even your mom's care if she is over 80. Then the whole family will all be on the same page.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
Hello it must be really hard for you to be a distance away and not able to see him as regularly as you would like. Just keeping in touch i think is the main thing. When I was caring and now I still am to a lesser degree, the thing that I found most difficult was keeping in touch with people so if you just phone it takes the burden off your mum and gives her a chance to unload too :)

perhaps you could tell her that you have signed up to TP and that there is lots of practical help and advice and support here so if she is finding things difficult then you could post on here and get some answers for her - that would be a good way of being involved at the sharp end and you would also know what is going on and where your mum is struggling and so you would be doing your bit.


Are they computer literate at all - some people keep in touch by Skype?

Do make sure that she is getting attendance allowance for your Dad and that she has a carers assessment from social services where they will give her some 'sitting hours' to give her a break from daily caring.

Keep posting, there is lots of support on here xxxx