Diane,
We went through this 6 months ago, and if I knew then what I know now, I would do it totally differently. I would certainly do a lot more investigation than I did, and not be so afraid of asking searching questions. At the end of the day, they want your custom, so don't be afraid to ask.
Visit at least 6 or more homes. Look at areas other than the local area. Take your first reaction for refusals - do the nose test, look at the other residents (are they all there? We went to one lovely home but only ever saw 25% of the residents - where were the rest? It was not an EMI unit, just an ordinary care home). Are they all dressed in day clothes? Having eliminated 4 of the 6, visit the other two at various times. Morning, afternoon, evening, mealtimes, bedtimes. Weekend as well as during the week. We did three visits to each home. Not enough. In fact, if it had been possible, I'd have booked a room there for a week and lived there! Be a pest, tell them that you will be dropping in unannounced at times and ask if that is okay. If you have a partner/spouse, take it in turns to drop in at different times, pretend you didn't know your partner had gone that morning!
Your social worker should advise on homes that can cope and those that can't, depending on your mum's state and preferences.
They all say they do things, such as activities and trips out - does it really happen? Ask for a list of recent trips (i.e. last three months, you might find there was only one). Ask for evidence for everything you are interested in. Is there a weekly visit by a doctor (if so, why wasn't my mum's skin infection noticed earlier, before it became almost impossible to treat), how often does the hairdresser visit and what is the charge? Who cuts her finger nails? Who cuts her toe nails (chiropodist probably, how often does she visit, we were told every 8 weeks, we have had only one visit in 7 months - ask for records). Ask for evidence for everything.
That all said, at the end of the day you want mum to be cared for, so paramount is the view you get of the staff. Are there enough of them? Are they in evidence around the place (ours are always in the kitchen), is the manager approachable? Do the residents seem happy, well-fed, clean, presentable? Do the staff seem caring, they will all be different, some will be jolly, some professional, some bored stiff (remember how low paid the job is). But if you get a fair mix that is good. Ask about staff qualifications, NVQs predominantly, how many have them, what level, how many are working towards them. You want most to have NVQ2, and a couple with NVQ3. NVQ4 and 5 are for management really. If you aren't familiar with NVQs, Level 3 is supposedly A-level, certainly will have been earned.
If a resident needs the toilet, or help, is there a member of staff there in the room? Often not, sadly.
Next, own room or shared. Most people want their own room, there is a lot to be said for it, own photos etc. Don't get carried away with own furniture unless it is important to them. Shared rooms rarely work unless the pair are friends, but there are still a lot of homes with shared rooms.
Size of room? Mum's is too big, it was a double, we paid more for it because of that, but it isn't cosy. But the other available rooms (2) were minute.
Location of bedroom. Do you want it to be near the night nurse station? Or near to the lounge? We are pleased that mum's is near to the lounge, she can find her way there and back easily. I never thought that would be a problem, but she is now easily disorientated if anything moves. She hasn't twigged that the dining room is on a different floor, even though she gets to it via the lift!
Ensuite toilet is a plus, ensuite shower/bath can be a danger.
Does the home have a shower or just baths? Mum's home only had baths till a month ago, residents got one bath a week, now the shower is installed it is one bath and one or even two showers.
TV in room. Mum was an avid TV watcher before her admission, never watched a single programme now in 9 months. There was a tv in hospital, a tv in the home in the lounge, and she has one in her room, never been switched on. Leave out the tv until you see how she reacts.
Phone in room. We decided against that cos mum would be phoning us in the middle of the night, regularly. Pity cos it means the girls can't phone her as they used to, well they can, but it is on the communal phone and there is never anyone to answer it, and mum can't hear it cos it is not amplified like her home phone was. Also, she now has to use a dialling code to phone us, and doesn't know what one of them is.
Garden or outdoor facilities. Oh yes, they have a lovely garden, but staff have no time to take residents to sit in it, anyway it doesn't get any sun. Only sun is at the front, yes, they have taken residents to sit there (and provided sun hats!), but once in 7 months.
The staff do try, they are kind, I am not worried about them, they are cheerful too, Janice is often doing a dance, Shirley is often singing, Maria is the hearing aid battery girl, they do try, but all in all the place is depressing.
But what do you expect? My mother has been a regular churchgoer all her life. At Christmas a volunteer came from a local church to give a service - carols, a few readings, a couple of prayers. I thought mum would love it, I was well impressed. She attempted a couple of Carols, but only because I showed her the words (even though they were ones she should know off by heart), she sang the wrong words, the wrong tune, out of time. She talked about something else all the way through the readings, and didn't even manage the Lord's Prayer.
So, Diane, I'm afraid it is "suck it and see". Some people are lucky to find a perfect home first off. But do do your research very thoroughly, see what you think is right for YOUR mum, ask for proof of what they say.
Good luck my love,
Margaret