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Scared

Miss Tikl

Registered User
Oct 8, 2013
3
0
I was on a "wary" high for a couple of days. After my dad seemed to go from his lowest point mentally ever, to more lucid than I had seen him in months! In hospital after a fall mending from that. Asking about his grandchildren and generally being more aware and happy.

Visited him yesterday, to be greeted with one of the wonderful nurses telling me she was concerned, he was so confused, talking gibberish and not making sense. Tired and looking unwell.

My mum instantly crashed to the lowest of low, in moods. Understandable as she is terrified he will be like this at home, and she won't cope, with the best will in the world I can't be there 24/7.

I find myself willing dad on, prompting him to try and walk for a bit, or have a drink, talk about the football or Grand Prix that he loves. He came round a little whilst we were there, but really wasn't good. But something I am finding harder as I become more tired is trying to keep my mum positive as well.

I am scared that unless she can detach herself from what she has known all her life and live day to day, stop correcting him, stop getting agitated because of her (understandable) mood, dad will never relax enough which will make his mental state worse and my mum will end up with depression (if she hasn't already).

Things have only been this bad for just over a week, I am exhausted and my family are watching me get more tired and detached from them because of the continual worry for both parents and their situation!

I am scared every time I round the corner of the ward he is supposed to be leaving on Monday (although that's not set in stone and I fear if it changes will hurt him mentally more) of what state I will find and then how to help them both.

It seems this is it! A continual state of high anxiety for all concerned. With no answer from anyone anywhere! Because no one knows! :(
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,516
0
Near Southampton
Visited him yesterday, to be greeted with one of the wonderful nurses telling me she was concerned, he was so confused, talking gibberish and not making sense. Tired and looking unwell.
You sound so frightened, I am so sorry. As this has happened so suddenly, I would immediately think 'infection'. I would have thought that a medical person would immediately think of this but perhaps if they are not familiar with the effect infections can have on someone suffering with demntia, it wouldn't occur to them but it should.
If they have not looked into this, I wouod ask them to do so. It could be any form of infection, not necessarily serious , that can have this effect.
I hope it is resolved quickly and your father returns to how he was very soon. Best wishes.
 

Acco

Registered User
Oct 3, 2011
228
0
Sorry to read of the difficulties you are facing. You are clearly very caring and it is an even greater challenge for someone like you in wanting the best for everyone concerned. It can be frightening for anyone to be faced with a period in hospital but even more so for someone who has a reduced mental awareness, so your dad may be experiencing greater anxiety etc partly because of that. The same may be affecting your mum due to uncertainty abought the future. Hospital visits do take their toll on all of us, so it is not surprising you are all feeling the strain. As Saffie has suggested it would be useful to discuss the possibility of an infection with a senior staff member, and tell them of your concerns. Also, ask about his medication as it may be that they have put your father on something which doesn't suit him or is affecting his mental state. Dehydration can also take a great toll on mental capacity so try and encourage your dad to drink plenty of fluids if he is not already doing so; in a busy ward this can be easily overlooked. Dad, and mum for that matter, may find things easier when he gets back home and they are both back in their familiar surroundings and routines. I hope you soon find that the situation improves for all of you. My best wishes.
Added later
I meant to suggest that you contact Social Services, if you haven't already, and if your parents agree. SS may be able to offer a short term care/support package for them to help them get back into their usual routines and this could give you some peace of mind too. This service may be provided without cost to them.
 
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Miss Tikl

Registered User
Oct 8, 2013
3
0
Thank you for your kind words both. We spent the day in hospital yesterday, waiting to be told we could take dad home. Late in the evening we did. His mental state not good. I think I expected him to be so happy to be home he would brighten up and come back to us. At least a little.

I had to go to work so left mum and him to it, but returned later after leaving work early to get to them. He had apparently been so tired walking to and from the toilet with mum he was crying. He was asleep when I got there in his chair, so we faced the dilemma of getting him upstairs to bed. (No downstairs option) so managed to get him upstairs and in bed. Then left them overnight.

He was up and down all night apparently and fell once. Mum getting no rest for obvious reasons. I am going there after work this morning, but she says there is no change.

A nurse is supposed to come in and give him an injection once a day and as of Wednesday "possibly" someone to pop in twice a day for a visit to help with morning and evening, (after care but it is not guaranteed) We r not in a position financially to have a nurse, full time, but my mum will not be able to cope with this consistently! Getting no sleep at night now adding to the pressure.

Obviously we have to just try our best which is what we will do, and hope that dad mends. I am hoping that when someone does turn up they can help us change things. As currently this won't work.

As for dads confusion, the dr's did look at him in case of infection, but found nothing.

Hoping the next 24hrs will be bearable, and that a nurse turns up to help tomorrow.
 

starryuk

Registered User
Nov 8, 2012
1,323
0
Miss Tiki,
This sounds awful. I don't know how the system works, but a vague promise of someone popping in, doesn't sound enough help for you and your mum. Does the GP know what is going on? Can he/she help?

sorry I can't give you any useful advice, but will bump up your post again.