Scared

[cake4tea]

I have been looking after mom now for 3-4 years now and we managed well. She had a major bowel operation after getting cancer in August and now has a stoma. Since being in hospital for the last 7 weeks, she is now incontinent and can only get around with a zimmer, is not eating enough but is still cheerful, helpful and trying to improve her mobility. We will now need to get her a wheelchair as she is not able to go outside the house and cannot get up the stairs

I now have to empty her ilestomy pouch, change it every few days, take her to the toilet and give her personal care which I never had to before. We asked for a care package for which we have to pay but on the first visit today, the carer was over 30 minutes late, had nails painted bright pink and they must have been at least an inch long or more, not in the least bit suitable for personal care. She couldn't even use her phone properly.

We had been waiting for her from 9 am as we were expecting her at 10:00 so I told her we didn't need her and also cancelled the visits for Sunday. I don't want mom lying in bed waiting for carers to turn up as I am trying to get back to some normality.

I will try to manage mom myself, which I did today with the help of my sister but I am scare as this is now real caring rather than just looking and helping mom a bit as before I hope that we can cope cos a care home doesn't bear thinking about

 

[Rosettastone57]

I have been looking after mom now for 3-4 years now and we managed well. She had a major bowel operation after getting cancer in August and now has a stoma. Since being in hospital for the last 7 weeks, she is now incontinent and can only get around with a zimmer, is not eating enough but is still cheerful, helpful and trying to improve her mobility. We will now need to get her a wheelchair as she is not able to go outside the house and cannot get up the stairs

I now have to empty her ilestomy pouch, change it every few days, take her to the toilet and give her personal care which I never had to before. We asked for a care package for which we have to pay but on the first visit today, the carer was over 30 minutes late, had nails painted bright pink and they must have been at least an inch long or more, not in the least bit suitable for personal care. She couldn't even use her phone properly.

We had been waiting for her from 9 am as we were expecting her at 10:00 so I told her we didn't need her and also cancelled the visits for Sunday. I don't want mom lying in bed waiting for carers to turn up as I am trying to get back to some normality.

I will try to manage mom myself, which I did today with the help of my sister but I am scare as this is now real caring rather than just looking and helping mom a bit as before I hope that we can cope cos a care home doesn't bear thinking about

When my MIL had carers ,she was self funding, we were told that to be 15 mins late was acceptable. We also had a roster in advance of who was coming and a phone call from the agency if carers were going to be late. My experience of care agency is you have to be vocal and proactive and make your complaint known. We used to have cancellation fees as well with cancelling at short notice. Personally I would keep the carers coming and speak to the manager. Do they have a dress / make up code? You say a home doesn't bear thinking about but with my MIL there came a point when there was no choice. Now she's safe, clean and well looked after 24/7.

 

[KathrynAnne]

It sounds like you have been unlucky with the care company. I work as a part time carer and my company insists we arrive on time, does not allow us to wear nail polish and always formally introduces us to new clients and their families. I would either complain to the agency and ask for a more suitable carer or look for another agency. Good luck xx

 

[maryjoan]

I have been looking after mom now for 3-4 years now and we managed well. She had a major bowel operation after getting cancer in August and now has a stoma. Since being in hospital for the last 7 weeks, she is now incontinent and can only get around with a zimmer, is not eating enough but is still cheerful, helpful and trying to improve her mobility. We will now need to get her a wheelchair as she is not able to go outside the house and cannot get up the stairs

I now have to empty her ilestomy pouch, change it every few days, take her to the toilet and give her personal care which I never had to before. We asked for a care package for which we have to pay but on the first visit today, the carer was over 30 minutes late, had nails painted bright pink and they must have been at least an inch long or more, not in the least bit suitable for personal care. She couldn't even use her phone properly.

We had been waiting for her from 9 am as we were expecting her at 10:00 so I told her we didn't need her and also cancelled the visits for Sunday. I don't want mom lying in bed waiting for carers to turn up as I am trying to get back to some normality.

I will try to manage mom myself, which I did today with the help of my sister but I am scare as this is now real caring rather than just looking and helping mom a bit as before I hope that we can cope cos a care home doesn't bear thinking about

Don't give up - my OH has a stoma and bag, and advancing dementia - life is horrid, but it is the only one we have. We had a terrible care agency for 18 months, so many things, dangerous and other wise. Kicked them into touch and now have another one, and it is working OK.

I hate our lives as they are now, but for sure, I will not stand any nonsense from a care agency that really doesn't care - e. they once sent a carer who did not know how to change a 'bag' - when I asked we they said they thought I would be able to train her!! They also sent someone to peg feed my OH - when he is not peg fed at all - the list goes on and on.

 

[Bunpoots]

@cake4tea I agree you've been unlucky. My dad's carers were brilliant and took a massive amount of stress off me. Try a different care agency and ask them about their policy on nail polish/length and punctuality. Dad's carers went above and beyond what I expected of them so there are good ones out there.

I hope you find someone suitable.

 

[Grannie G]

When I invited a care agency to help me look after my husband, the manager came to the house and spent two hours with me to help her understand my husbands needs.

The discussion was held in the kitchen out of my husbands earshot and she noted every like and dislike, past history and everything else I needed her to know.

We had trained carers who were always punctual and respectful.

I had two unsatisfactory carers, one with a different agency. I had to report this care as unacceptable.

@cake4tea The carers are paid for yours and your husbands convenience, they are not being paid for their convenience. Most of these agencies run on a franchise and the managers own their own branch of the company. It is in their best interests to ensure you are satisfied customers.

The hardest part of this is when carers, who are under so much stress, need to fight for satisfaction. I remember having no fight left in me.

 

[cake4tea]

Thanks for your support, I will be ringing the council tomorrow to cancel the package for now as I am really unsure about getting in carers. Glad your experiences have got better. It may be that I do need extra help but will see.