Scared to be with Mum

[Sphynx]

I’m scared to sit with my Mum in case she has a seizure or dies whilst I’m there on my own. I know it’s probably really weak and stupid but I am also avoiding seeing her because of my fear. That’s making me feel sad and guilty because I love my Mum so much and I want to see her and to comfort her and be some company for her. She is living on her own with carers through the day and I go as soon as I can after work when I can face it, but she’s not eating or even drinking much.

 

[Lyn13]

Hi Sphynx, your dilemma sounds so difficult and there are no easy answers.
I always think it is worth thinking about this from at least 2 perspectives. Firstly what do you need on an emotional support level and secondly what are the practical steps or ideas that will help you achieve what you want.
On the first perspective perhaps find a counsellor or someone you trust you can talk this through with. You have taken the first step to describe your fears and how you are feeling, now is the time to explore them further.
Secondly find a plan yu are happy with that if your mum did have a seizure or dies while you are there what would you do. Who would you do first, who would you call first? Second? Third?. What would you want to say to your mum? Who would come to support you?
There are probably lots of other ideas that others will come along with as well.
Take care.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @sphynix, and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You are not weak or stupid, just someone that loves their mum and hates what dementia and old age has done to them. I wonder if you can visit when one of the carers is there at least for a while, just so there is someone there for a bit of support.
You might find contacting the support line useful. They'll be open tomorrow morning and these are their contact details.
0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk

 

[canary]

I think going with someone else is a really good idea. It also helps with that panicky feeling of wondering what to say next.