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Scared of watching my mum fade

Polly145

New member
Jul 5, 2021
1
0
My mum (68) has recently been diagnosed. She’s taken it very badly. I’m an only child of divorced parents so feeling very alone. I’m so scared of having to watch my mum fade away in front of me and forget who I am - it hurts already. How do you cope with this. I don’t want to loose her yet - and know that she will be cruelly taken from me while I watch.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,714
0
Hello @Polly145

This is a very difficult time for you and your mum and you will both need time to adjust. The following links might be useful for now. There are lots of us out here who have been through the same thing and can help you along, so no need to feel lonely. Keep posting for advice and support, or just to let us know how things are going.



 

Forgetmeknot

New member
Jun 9, 2021
8
0
Hi Polly145, I know exactly what you mean. Seeing someone fade before you is difficult. I would just say make the most of every good moment, and there will be many, as you go along. Make happy memories. Hugs
 

Acceber

New member
Oct 3, 2020
7
0
Hi Polly. I am in a similar situation too. I found it helpful to have a team of people who are professionals who can guide me. My friends are lovely for sympathy and listening but I found I needed accurate info from people experienced in the field. This has included a really good memory clinic nurse, a private pay as you go social worker, solid financial planning advisor etc. It has helped with the decision making going forward, they have walked the journey with me and sometimes told me how it is; this has enabled me to understand more of the illness, keep on top of changes in how mum presents and make the most of our time. x
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
118
0
It's shocking to receive a diagnosis of dementia and natural to feel fearful about the future. On the practical side I would:
1. try to get your mother to draw up Powers of Attorney (and a will); and
2. do as much as you can with your mother now whilst she is still relatively well eg holidays, days out, trips to the theatre, museums, galleries if she is interested in any of these things.

As an only child of divorced parents you are likely to shoulder the caring 'burden' on your own unless your mother is fortunate to have helpful relatives or friends. Even if your mother does have such people in her life their input is likely to be limited in scope and / or time limited. They will almost certainly not want to provide personal care. I'm not saying this to scare you but to put you on notice that you are likely to have to engage carers at some point either for practical reasons (you work / live too far away to provide day to day care / have family responsibilities etc) or because you cannot manage without help any longer. Don't promise your mother that you will never place her in a home as you may need to do that at some point and guilt about breaking your promise will only make this more difficult.

Do keep posting with questions and for advice. There are many knowledgeable people on these forums.
 

Daisy21

New member
Sep 19, 2021
2
0
My mum (68) has recently been diagnosed. She’s taken it very badly. I’m an only child of divorced parents so feeling very alone. I’m so scared of having to watch my mum fade away in front of me and forget who I am - it hurts already. How do you cope with this. I don’t want to loose her yet - and know that she will be cruelly taken from me while I watch.
Hi Polly I feel the pain in what you wrote. It’s the unknown what’s gonna happen what’s she going to be like it’s very scary! My mum is now 73 she’s had it 10 years and I have been scared from the first moments I noticed and I knew exactly what it was! It took me 6 frustrating years to get it diagnosed which was so difficult. My mums gone in a care home 6 months ago as she started wandering and it got dangerous as she kept getting lost. I have always felt like everyday was going to be her last and it just took over me. I started counselling which definitely helped. It is very hard & you need to keep talking about it with people who understand! That’s the best thing you can do is connect with people who know what your going through. Just enjoy mum while she is still mum. My mum still knows who I am she doesn’t have much conversation and I do feel great sadness that she’s not the same but I’m also grateful she’s still here. ❤️
 

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