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Scared of being alone

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Dee, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. Dee

    Dee Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    41
    Shropshire
    Hello all,

    Has anyone experience of someone with AD constantly complaining of being scared of being alone even though they are in residential care and are constantly being cared for? It is proving to be a real problem with my mum who is in a wonderful care home (only recently moved there) and who seems as unhappy about being lonely as she was when she was alone! Its getting to be a real problem for me as she wanted to be somewhere where there were things going on and now she is, she does not want to know. I know it s just the disease but it is so frustrating!

    She has become such an unhappy person - she never was before - and is always complaining that she cannot remember what she is doing tonight, tomorrow etc even though she will then say she knows she has no short term memory! If she is left in her room for any period of time, even with the TV, the paper and a Gin and Tonic she complains that she is alone and no one is there to look after her. I wish she could just relax and maybe she would be more content. She is on mild antidepressants but they have made no difference at all. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this, gratefully received.

    Dee
     
  2. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Hello

    Mum had similar problems to your mums, she was restless and saying she never saw anyone even though dad was still alive then and they saw one at least one of us every day. She simply forgot soon after the visits and no amount of reassurance would help her to relax. She was given medication to help the anxiety and it worked really well.

    If you constantly live in a "fog" and can't make sense of anything it must make the world a very scary place to be. It might be worth asking her doctor or psychiatrist to visit and see if this is the problem.

    Hope it is soon resolved for her. It is really tough I know, you feel so helpless at times.

    kathleen
    xx
     
  3. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Dee,
    Read the Validation Breakthrough by Naomi Feil. It might help you really get to the root of what is going on in your Moms mind. Sometimes they say something like they are afraid to be alone but it is really them reliving a scarey alone time in their life. It could be that her surroundings are bringing back something that made her afraid. Finding out what is going on and getting to the cause might alleviate some of her fears. Worth a try anyway. Since I read the book and changed how I deal and talk with my Mom she has become a much happier person.
    Hope this helps, best of luck,
    Rummy ( Debbie )
     
  4. Dee

    Dee Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    41
    Shropshire
    Hi both

    many thanks for your input - it is interesting to hear that she is not the only one. I went this afternoon and whilst I was there her new GP visited (she has moved to be near me) and he is getting her back into the Memory Clinic loop that she had fallen out of when her last consultant retired and was not replaced. Thanks for the reading suggestion - I will do that as I am very keen to do what I can to help. I have made her memory cards which help a bit but I keep having to adjust them to fit in with the anxiety of the moment.

    Many thanks again

    Dee
     
  5. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Hi Dee

    You seem to have found a really good home for your mum and at least you are secure that she is safe and well cared for. As people's dementia gets worse they seem to feel more and more isolated, even when they're with people, as they can't interact as they used to. You might find that although your mum has the paper and TV, she isn't really understanding them as she used to . She probably knows there is something 'wrong' but not what it is. I found dad started to 'pretend' to be reading the paper. He could decode words - read them out - but didn't really know what they meant or how they all made sense when put together. Try as we do to find solutions, sometimes we have to accept that we can't find them because there aren't any with this terrible illness - but we can keep offering our love.

    Take care
    Blue sea
     
  6. Dee

    Dee Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    41
    Shropshire
    Thanks Blue Sea - you are right, her "processing" ability has definately gone and things like newspapers are really beyond her but she still likes to have it every day which is fine. She likes her memory cards that I do for her that you can understand because they are short sentences and are very personal to her. I have ordered the book that Rummy suggested which I think will be very helpful because I feel that maybe I am not communicating in the best way for her needs now.

    As you say, all she really needs from me is lots of love which is no problem.

    Take care

    Dee
     

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