I found you by accident cos I was looking to see what help I could find on the Age Concern website. I recognise a lot of what is being said here with the situation with my Mum but her situation is harder maybe than some and neither my brother nor myself are near enough to be with her every day. She is 75 she has been the Carer for my stepDad since he had a stroke which has left him immobile for the past two or so years. She has refused respite care for herself on several occasions right up to the point of actually doing it. Her memory has got worse and worse over that time but I think we have only just realised quite how bad. We were aware that she wasn't doing the washing properly, that they were both wearing dirty clothes and that she wouldn't remember when we were going to visit etc etc. When she started forgetting to pay bills we put everything we could on to Direct Debit. She has also got incredibly thin although she is reasonably healthy. Stepdad is also incontinent (which she denies) and the whole house smells and is not clean (which she also denies) My stepdad's evening care had to stop for a while and Social Services wanted him to go into emergency respite for a few weeks but she insisted she could manage. She lasted 4 days and he had a fall and she couldn't get him up and dialled 999. he ended up in hospital, I spent several days with her. She kept forgetting where he was and it was a constant battle to keep her on track. You would think she had got it and it had sunk in then bang it was gone again. And all the time she says she's always been absent minded, or she gets confused cos she has so much to do or I am confusing her. The strain of being with her is incredibly draining and sometimes I get cross and sometimes I have to walk away but I do love her dearly. He is out now and in a respite home for the time being, but she still keeps forgetting where he is or going backwards and forwards (it is a fair old walk) several times in one day. We have Social Services on side but the truth is that he can't come home unless she gets a certain level of care and it has come to light that she has been forgetting to get meals and do shopping and certainly to do any washing. She has had a mental health assessment by a doctor who came to the house and spoke to me and my brother as well and she agreed that she would accept a higher level of care but that thought hasn't stayed with her very long. She insists that there is no problem. My stepdad wants to come home as soon as he is able to, understandably but he has told us and her a few home truths. She hasn't heard, it hasn't sunk in, she goes on and on about when can he come home, we are expecting her to kidnap him any day now!. So I really don't know what is going to happen. I feel she needs someone there all the time and it simply isn't feasible for it to be me or my brother. The Social Worker is incredibly caring but at the moment we still don't know what she is going to be able to put in place or what assessment the doctor has made as she saw him on her own and she can present very well if she is in the right frame of mind. I am worried sick that I can't be there and so so sad for the both of them and that she has changed so much from the Mum of just a few years ago. The doctor has put me on anti-depressents which seems slightly ridiculous really! Sorry about the rant but I guess it helps, thanks for "listening" - any advice would be grateful recieved!!!