No ....... I don't mean saying goodbye forever ....... just ...... well ..... come with me on a guilt trip I go to visit dad at the nursing home ... I go most days and stay at least an hour (I'm still adjusting to him being there ...... and still pretty guilt ridden I guess). If he's on a reasonably good day I can tell him I'm leaving and kiss him goodbye and it's sort of Ok (OK, that is, if you don't count being tired out from having been at work all day and then going straight to hursing home and knowing you'll not be home while 9pm, and feeling emotionally exhausted, and knowing you'll do the same again tomorrow etc) But when he's not Ok, like tonight for example, he doesn't know really what's happening. And I don't know how to leave or where to leave him. Take tonight (the other nights are variations on a theme): I arrived and the nurse said he'd been wanting to go out into town to the shops all day. He was still wanting to when I arrived at 7pm. His speech difficult to understand this evening, and we walked up and down the corridor very slowly for a long time. He was convinced we were waiting for a bus to go into town. He kept fumbling with something that didn't exist in his hands (?loose change for his bus fare) and putting it in non existent pyjama pockets. Lots of standing still (waiting for the bus), clearly getting tired from standing up too long, but unwilling to go sit either in the communal lounge or in his own room. The day staff went off and the night staff came on, and we were still waiting in the corridor for the No. 97 bus I was getting desperate. Set out to work at 7:30 this morning, not been home all day, now 8:30 pm. One of the carers passed us in the corridor and I muttered something to her about not coping too well. She said she'd take dad if I wanted to go, it was fine. She took his hand and led him off into the main lounge promising cups of tea and biscuits in a few minutes. The nh is good enough, and this particular carer is one I have a lot of time for, and dad likes her. BUT ..... it just feels so wrong to just hand him over like that and slip away. But then is it better for him, rather than make a big deal of my leaving ....... even though I'll be back tomorrow. The nh clearly seem to think it's an OK thing to do, but it feels so awful to me, and like the last thing that I'd normally choose to do. Any thoughts?