1. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    92
    Some times you have to laugh. I bought my husband a urine bottle to use as he kept missing the toilet. This morning I took him to the loo and said, Don't forget to use the bottle and then empty it." I came in to get him when he called and the floor was covered in urine - had done what I asked. Used the bottle then emptied it. I wished I had added, into the toilet to my original reminder.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,616
    Nottinghamshire
    Oh noooo!!
     
  3. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    382
    Oh dear @Avis :(
    I find it hard to remember to be specific at times especially when trying to keep sentences short so as not to confuse.
    It reminds me of talking to toddlers.
    My MIL tells a story of when my SIL was little and she made her a boiled egg and told her to eat it all up like a good girl. She got on with a job and when she turned round a while later SIL was sat with an empty egg cup. She'd done just what her mum had said, she'd eaten it all up including the shell. :eek:
     
  4. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I find even when I give OH very specific instructions eg. "It's in the drawer just under the oven" stops him in his tracks. Working out where the oven is and THEN having to process an additional bit of information is one bit too much.

    Years ago I bought him a GPS for the car and immediately discovered that several bits of info given together just doesn't work. One of the red flags that I now know signalled dementia.
     
  5. Lynmax

    Lynmax Registered User

    Nov 1, 2016
    295
    I find myself talking to my mum in the same way as I used to talk to the autistic children I taught! Short sentences, one instruction at a time in logical order, no sarcasm or ambiguous phrases, using a calm voice etc. I would recognise what their triggers were and try to avoid them, repeat things, use a lot of praise and had a lot of patience.

    It seems to work!
     
  6. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    92
    that is so funny. and cute. I hope it didn't put her off eggs.
     
  7. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    92
    I think you have hit the nail on the head. Short, simple instructions.
     
  8. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    166
    Female
    Oh @Avis this sort of thing i struggle with. i often forget he has an issue until i see the look on his face that signals overload and confusion.
    we should keep conversation limited to facts and short sentences. i do it most of the time, but when we have had a few good days in a row its so easy to slip back to the 'normal' i yearn for, the days of conversation. i also have a bad habit of sarcasm o_O and jesting ;).....all of which is lost and adds to confusion. but its really hard to change a life time of habits. i dont forget as such ...but have lapsed moment where it slips in.:confused:
    i miss conversation.
    end of day catch up.....
    it hard to just give facts and limited words. one sentence one task. and then repeating as it wasn't processed. i refuse the next step some do of 'i will just do it myself its quicker/easier. i keep on keeping on....trying to keep my world normal and his simple......but we get lost in their needs.
    its really hard to remember to speak so plainly and give direct instruction. with only the basic words.
    so hard to break it down.
    the days of .....
    'when you have finished your shower can you bring your washing out and put it in the washer....its all ready to go.....
    are gone
    now its
    direct /promt to shower
    promt for clothes to suit the day.
    request laundry (no i dont need it here in the lounge)
    direct to washer
    then i turn on washer
    all the time prompting and encouraging. one sentence is turned into a mornings work o_O
    but at least he had a shower! :rolleyes:
    and you are right @Avis sometimes we have to laugh....as the saying goes......or we would cry.....oh! i do that too :confused:
    but keep on smiling :D
     
  9. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    558
    Female
    High Peak
    @silver'lantern What you describe is oh so familiar and I'm another sarcastic type, often saying things in jest. But mum (who used to be much the same) reached the stage of taking everything literally, no longer picking up on the nuances of speech and of course her logic was long gone.

    [Back in the early stages it was almost diagnostic of her illness. I'd always said daft things but when I said things like, 'I've just been to the post office on a unicycle,' and she didn't question it, it rung alarm bells.]

    It took her a while to 'tune in' to anything I said to her, which meant the first 6 words of a sentence were always lost. Her hearing was excellent but whatever I said I'd get, 'What? I didn't hear you.'
    She had heard me but increasingly struggled to process what was said so I spent a lot of time repeating myself. I learned that the important thing was to get her attention first, before I started speaking. So instead of just saying, 'It's gone a bit black out there - I think it's going to pour down,' I would use short phrases: 'Ooh look out there!' I'd point at the window and make sure she was looking too. Then, 'Look at those big black clouds! Up there - can you see?' Wait till I'm sure she's looking, then, 'I think it's gonna pour down!'

    ...all of which is extremely tedious, frustrating, time-consuming and mostly pointless. But by then there weren't many things she was able to talk about/relate to. :(
     
  10. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    382
    Oh yes @silver'lantern and @Jaded'n'faded I'm a sarcastic type too and so was mum, we also had lots of silly sayings too which now she rarely understands the sarcastic bits and quite often doesnt understand the silly sayings either which is such a shame as it was something we always enjoyed.
    @Avis luckily no SIL still enjoys an egg :D
     
  11. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    92
    You have described our conversations perfectly. I have trouble with the days where OH is almost "normal" and then he flips into fairy land. It gets pretty draining sometimes.
     
  12. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    166
    Female
    it is i agree....its hard to grasp some days and slip into a false sense of normal.....the halfway world where they are still able/still know something but cant do tasks for themselves. and that in itself can cause frustrations and upsets
    and also the world where others are under the impression he is fine and doesn't need looking after....why is it hard work?
    sigho_O
     

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