1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Sadly, it's time to change my profile

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by sue38, Aug 22, 2015.

  1. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Since I joined TP (over 8 years ago now) my profile relates to my dad's battle with dementia, and my signature describes me as a 'former carer'. Now it seems my profile should also refer to my mum, and I should remove the word 'former' from my signature.

    I have been concerned about my mum's memory and behaviour for some time and have wavered between paranoia and denial. Recently however (last 2 months I would say) we have experienced some classic behaviours which tell me, sadly, this is dementia. Again.

    It's a very different journey from that with my dad. I don't know if that's because I know far more about dementia this time around, because my relationship with my mum is a different one to that with my dad, or simply because dementia affects everyone differently. I suspect it's a combination of all three.

    One of the main differences is that mum lives alone in the old family house which is far too big for her and where she is simply not safe. At least my dad had my mum with him most of the time. Following a series of crises the GP has secured a referral to the memory clinic next week, and mum has agreed that she will try out a local care home for some respite from next week whilst my sister is away on holiday.

    Just so sad that it seems we will be going down this road again.
     
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    Sorry to read this and it is just so sad. In my world I do know that with my mum this is the one and only time I shall be caring for a Dementia sufferer. She is the last of her generation and then it is just my siblings and cousins, they all have partners and live too far away for me to even volunteer helping. At the very least all I could offer would be weekend respite in my home and lots of telephone support. Take care.
     
  3. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,668
    Salford
    Sorry to hear your news Sue, I originally found this site when my wife and I were looking after my mother in her last few years, I'm still here as I'm now looking after my wife since she now has AZ. I hope it all works out for the best with the home.
    K
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    Yours is such a sad post Sue . There`s nothing anyone can say to make it better. I`m very sorry.
     
  5. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I am sorry Sue xxx
     
  6. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,491
    Female
    Near Southampton
    That is so sad Sue. I am very sorry you are having to go through it all again. Yes, it will be different in some ways and I'm sure your experience will help you. X


    Sent from my iPod touch using Talking Point
     
  7. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,233
    leicester
    I would love to post that your experience will help, it may a little, but no two people with this disease are the same, as you well know.

    I wish you and your family strength as you walk this road again.
     
  8. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,245
    Female
    England
    Wishing you all strength and thinking of you.
     
  9. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    Really sorry to hear this, Sue.
     
  10. turbo

    turbo Registered User

    Aug 1, 2007
    3,851
    Sorry to hear this about your mum Sue.
     
  11. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I am glad you have shared this Sue but sorry that you need to re walk the dementia journey.

    My husband's Alzheimers was the third time I faced it. My Dad with Vascular Dementia and my brother (still here) with dementia related to MS. Each one of them so very different.

    I hope your Mother is contented in the care home and hopefully she will feel less isolated and give you some peace of mind. Not an easy time though.

    Take care of yourself and hope your little dog gives you some joy.
     
  12. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Sorry to hear Sue.........I don't suppose this time will e any easier, but we are here for you
     
  13. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    333
    rct
    Hi sue 38

    I'm sorry to hear that you're having potentially deal with another diagnosis.

    As a daughter who is caring for my dad who has dementia with lewy body's I am also finding my role changing.

    My dad has been my mum's carer for 25 yrs. She has spine problems and depression. I noticed than there were issues a few months back and couldn't even put them down to old age . Like being in a cafe one week having a lovely chicken dinner..The next week not recalling being there ..and asking what's the dinner like here? I haven't had it!

    Other factors made me suggest she go to the gp and have bloods taken to check for b12 ferritin vitamin d and infection. They came back ok. My mum was pleased. Admitted noticing certain things. I asked the gp to refer her to memory clinic.

    I battled hard to get my dad help and a diagnosis. It took years. I am never going through that again. It was cruel my dad knowing somethings going on and waiting on lists as he progresses.

    My mum has had her appointment and now is waiting for a ct scan..

    As a carer of a parent or parents with dementia we have so many roles to play. If confirmed at least I will know more and will accept help if offered.

    Best wishes
     
  14. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    I'm sorry you're going through this too. As you say, second time around at least we know what help is available. There is, for me anyway, less fear of the unknown and a kind of acceptance.
     
  15. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    I'm really sorry to read your news Sue. That is such a shame, for your mum of course, for all your family and of course for you. I don't think I would have been able to support both parents and I am in awe of those who do. Sending you heartfelt good wishes. x
     
  16. velocity

    velocity Registered User

    Feb 18, 2013
    174
    North Notts
    Very sorry to hear your news xx
     
  17. geum123

    geum123 Registered User

    May 20, 2009
    4,604
    I'm so very sorry Sue.
    That's heart braking news. xxxx
     
  18. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Hi Sue :)

    Sorry to read that your mother may have a dementia


    Good to read that your mother cooperating with going to the memory clinic
    Also good of your mother to agree to try out a local care home for some respite, while your sister on holiday. xx
     

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