1. SteveS

    SteveS Registered User

    Jun 20, 2007
    Altrincham, cheshire
    Hi all, not been on for a while - this is due to lots happening and now some sad developments
    Back in september we were really close to Dad getting into the home of our choice, since then he's had two bouts of pnuemonia, and his dementia has deepened dramatically. We visitied often, and he smiled at us, but was distant and quite poorly.
    Saturday last he didn't recognise us at all. was in and out of conciousness, but the hospital was optomistic. The hospital phoned me on Monday evening to say that the antibiotics weren't getting to the parts they should, and his system was rejecting intravenous input, in short he is dying and a macmillan nurse has been appointed to advise etc.
    i visited the Doctor to update and get my head around it al - last week a window of opportunity opened, he was going to be well again, but it slammed shut and the vascular dementia has started to take it's toll.
    A sad time - we are all devastated but of the mind that sleep will come quickly, without too much discomfort. It upsets us all to visit a "shell" sleeping and breathing shallowly, possibly not recognising us at all - all we can do is be there.

    An end of a chapter - life as a child doesn't provide the skills you need to prepare for your parents' death. We'll deal with it when it happens.

    I suppose my message here is to say, thanks for al the support, a real leveller Anyone reading this who is new to dementia and it's effects on them, must, must must spend as much qualiative time with their loved one, and be realisitc about the future.

    I'll come back on soon, and wil offer my story as support for others

  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    sorry to read about your father

    My sentiments also xx
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    So sorry Steve,

    You have battled so hard for your father and now it seems you can only watch and wait.

    Take care

    Love xx
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    That's a really good message, Steve. It's so important to spend time with our loved ones, the guilt and regrets afterwards are otherwise unbearable. But equally we have to be realistic. Dementia is a terminal disease, and like cancer, can last for months or years, but the outcome is the same.

    I'm so sorry about your dad, Steve. I wish you some peaceful times together, and comfort for you.

  5. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    It is sad to hear your news but in a wonderful post for the rest of us to keep in mind.

    Thinking about you and hope your Dad's remaining days are peaceful.

    Best wishes Jan
  6. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Steve,
    I am also sorry to read about your sad situation. I can only offer my sympathy. Caring Thoughts. Taffy.
  7. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    Hi Steve

    My heart goes out to you. Mum has vascular dementia too and this year she has gone down hill rapidly, more so since a fall in September. At the weekend we were called by the Nursing Home but again she came out of it..weaker and more confused. As one of the staff who had been on a nightshift said yesterday after seeing her during the day for the first time in a few weeks..she has just become so frail.

    Like you I am waiting. I hope it will be peaceful but given my Mother's determined nature I hope and fear in equal proportions that she will rally again. In the last month her recognition has disappeared and I also sit there with her as she sleeps. Like you I would also say spend the time with them when you can in the earlier days because there will come a time when there is virtually no interaction so aim to have no regrets.

    Sending much love to you and your family in these traumatic days.


  8. Devonmaid

    Devonmaid Registered User

    Sep 23, 2007
    Dartmoor Devon
    Hello Steve , hoe sorry I was to read your post , a very sad time for you . I thought you wrote with tenderness and also wisdom , I wish you and yours all the strength for the present and the future ,
    love Kate
  9. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    Hi Steve

    So sorry to read your sad news. It is awful to watch a loved parent slipping slowly away and my heart goes out to you and your family.

    Take care

  10. taylorcat

    taylorcat Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    So sorry to hear your news, Steve. Thinking of you at this very difficult time.
  11. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Steve, I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you during what must be your darkest hours.


    Cate xx
  12. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Dear Steve,
    This is a sad and difficult time for you but you are facing it with courage and grace. I can only hope your Dad goes peacefully and that the end does not take too long, for your sakes. It is so hard to wait for the end. Your advice is very wise - thank you.
    Thinking of you and sending you the warmest of caring thoughts.
  13. nemesisis

    nemesisis Registered User

    May 25, 2006

    So sad to read your post I hope you can take comfort in all the other posts you have received xx

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