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Sad news.

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
So sorry to hear of your loss. While it is hard for you to not have been there, I have found that sometimes loved ones can seem to "hold on" until their closest family are not in fact there - it's as if they are trying to protect them from that final parting.
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,695
I told the funeral director about mum passing just before I got there, he said she probably didn't want to go when I was in the room. He told me a story about a husband and wife where the husband was in hospital on the brink of death but the wife wouldn't leave, the nurses knew he was ready to go but was hanging on for his wife's sake, they eventually persuaded her to go to the toilet or for a cup of coffee and as soon as she left the room he passed. In some way I think mum 'spared' me not being there when she passed, but in another way I wish she had waited.
I am going back to see mum on Monday, I will see about a photo but I will take a lock of her hair and find a locket to put it in.
The teddy bear I gave the funeral director to put into the coffin (which hasn't been done as yet), will have to make sure it is there when I go to see her again. I never thought of writing a letter and putting it into the coffin, at the moment I'm walking around the house talking to myself and mum (not all the time) but I somehow think she knows how I am feeling, I might just save whet I have to say for when I'm in bed at night or when I go to visit the grave.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
I think taking a lock of hair is a lovely idea. A part of your mum that will always be with you physically, as well as in your heart and memories.

I collect Victorian photographs and have often seen post mortem photos, although I have never bought any. In Victorian times it was often the only photograph that someone might have of their loved one, so it's understandable why they might have them taken. Sometimes the deceased person would be posed in a lifelike manner.

Perhaps you could ask the funeral director to take a photo for you and give it to you in a sealed envelope? That way, you need never look at it if you don't want to, but it will be there if you ever need it.

Wishing you peace and strength, as always xx
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,695
I will ask the funeral director tomorrow if he can do that for me, as if I do it myself I would probably delete it before downloading it (if you know what I mean).
Had one of my uncles over who has been on about the cords and greeting people at the door with me, I don't want him or the other one to do that but they were my mums brothers, but if I was following her wishes they wouldn't be at the funeral full stop! So not sure what to do there?
 

AlsoConfused

Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
1,953
Can the funeral director think of jobs the brothers could usefully do inside the church / chapel while you greet family and friends at the door?

The brothers may need to feel needed and valued - especially if relationships weren't always trouble-free while your Mum was alive. Having a job to do may also help them manage their own grief more easily.
 

fullmoon

Registered User
May 22, 2013
331
Not be on for a few days so only now reading your news. Just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. Sending you a virtual hug and wishing your strength xx
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,695
Went over to see mum again, she still looked peaceful as if she would look different from the other day! I got a lock of her hair and took some pictures.
I gave one of mums brothers (there are 2 of them) 2 of the cards for taking a cord, he said they should have the cords next to me when I told him they were taken he didn't seem to happy. I really couldn't care less, he wasn't happy either when I told him that I would be doing the greeting at the door on my own, again he wasn't too pleased. This is my mums funeral and has nothing to do with either of her two brothers who if I had followed mums wishes they wouldn't be there, I want people who meant something to mum having a cord, not relatives who have only surfaced at the very end of mums life and never came near her any other time.
 

Kate and jack

Registered User
Jan 19, 2014
159
Southend on sea in essex
Carrabosse ,stick to ya guns there my lovely .....we are experiencing the same thing ,my mums family have all turned their backs ,but I bet they'll be at her funeral ,one day !!!you make your mum feel proud because that's the right thing to do ,keep strong xx
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,695
I will, I will also remind the FD who will hopefully keep them at bay!
Today is mums funeral, I'm hoping a lot of people come but the piece only went into the paper yesterday so hoping the local grapevine kicked in. I am so worried about the flowers and how they will look, I hope she made a good job of them as its a new florist I have never used before. To top everything off my stomach has decided its going to be playing up (I have IBS) which doesn't help, at least the snow that was forecast has not appeared (yet).
 

kingmidas1962

Registered User
Jun 10, 2012
3,537
South Gloucs
Hello Carabosse, I hope all goes Ok for you today. Typical for you tum to play up, but I suppose its only to be expected with all the stress.

Love to you and yours, and I hope you manage to celebrate mums life in your own way xxx
 

AlsoConfused

Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
1,953
I know we all get hung up on the funeral itself going well - it is a tribute to the loved person amongst other things - but it's really so much less important than the love you gave and showed your Mum down the years. Hope you feel loved and upheld.
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,695
Apart from the fact it was bloody cold (no snow), the funeral went well and I think mum would be pleased with it (or I hope she is), there was a few people came but not as many as I thought would be there (about 20 or slightly more). I had one little problem when one of mums brothers added an extra member of the family in to help carry the coffin when I had asked someone else, but I let it go.
No other problems, the minister was great he wasn't our usual one but he did well for someone that had never met mum (he said he met my mum through me, nice?). He read a beautiful poem which I have asked him for a copy of as I thought it would be great to share with you on TP, so as soon as I get it i'll post it.
I got 2 red roses to take to the cemetery, one for dad and one for mum. One landed on the coffin the other on the earth, was disappointed both never landed on the coffin until mums best friend said the one on the coffin was for mum the one on the earth was for dad, so I'm happy.
Connie (from TP) came to the funeral, she has been absolutely brilliant, we have been txting for the past few days which has helped a lot, she is coming back tomorrow to take me to the registrars to register mums death.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,011
68
Dundee
I'm so glad the funeral went well Carabosse.

Do please tell Conne (Necion) that we were asking for her - give her a bozie from Bill.

Wishing you strength for the days to come. It's so good you have Connie supporting you. x
 

turbo

Registered User
Aug 1, 2007
3,851
Hello Carabosse, I have been thinking of you today. I'm glad the service went as well as you hoped and I look forward to reading the poem. Take Care.



turbo
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
I'm so glad it went well today, and so pleased that you have such wonderful support from your friend Connie.

Your mum would be immensely proud of you, how you've coped, and everything you've done for her.

xx
 

yoyo

Registered User
Sep 22, 2012
80
Ah I am sorry to hear this, I dread the day for us. I hope in time things will get better for you.
sending love x
 

Boredhousewife

Registered User
Dec 18, 2012
83
I can feel your pain in every word you write and can't help thinking, one day we will write our losses here too. Just one idea that came through to me from your posts. You say your life is empty now. Well, what about your Mum's friend that you mentioned? Maybe you can help her, and she can help you remember your Mum. I am always fascinated to learn about my Mum through the eyes of others. Then I don't just know her as Mum, I know her as sister, Aunt, friend, wife... Just an idea. Xxx

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