Dearest Snuffy, so very sorry to hear of your Mum's passing. I know this will be a difficult time for you, but please hold on to the thought that your lovely Mum is no longer suffering. She will soon be taking tea with my own and Magic's Mum and all the other TPers up there I am sure. Although it was not always as you wished Snuffy, rest assured, like all of us, you did your very best, your Mum knew this and is smiling down on you, whole and happy again now. One day we will all meet up there, what a day that will be. Thinking of you, lots of love and hugs, post when you can, don't grieve alone, love She. XX
I know how you're feeling, I lost mum 6 weeks ago. It's so hard. You did a great job, be proud of yourself for giving such wonderful selfless care, she would have known and felt your love even if she couldn't tell you.
So sad to hear your news. I'm sending you a very big hug:
Your Mum is at peace and I'm sure she knows you did everything you could for her.
When my father-in-law passed away, I can remember feeling over-whelmed by both grief and guilt; grief because a lovely man had gone and guilt because it was such a huge relief to see his suffering end.
Please take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve.
thankyou for all very kind messages.
The morning my mum died the home let me down "big time". I have had a talk with them so it does not happen to anyone else.
I thought I was going to be ok but after 2 days the tears just keep welling up and the guilt is so big.
I feel that as mum died in a home which she hated I let her down badly. 2 weeks respite I said but 4 weeks later she took things into her own hands as the only way out for her was to die.
2 brothers and 1 sister have been here today meeting with the undertaker and vicar.I really do not want to know and would rather "take off" for the day. I kissed mum, said god bless and sorry do I have to be there for all the "man made" stuff?
I am sorry to hear about your mum - your mum chose her time to go - i think they all do - nothing to do with being in a home - just the body saying 'i'm tired, let me rest.'
Dad was the last person to put in a hospital - he wouldn't even visit me when i gave birth to his first grandchild - waited until i was home.
We all hated him going there, knowing how frightened he was - and when he was moved to the home we went through all the guilt and tears.
Please, you did what was needed at the time.
With regards to the arrangements - i know how you feel one part wants to remember the last few hours and making arrangements is so final and painful. 5 months on and i still find it difficult to deal with things still - not all the time - just odd moments something triggers tears. I now have a beautiful picture of me and dad laughing and cuddling from about 15 years ago to remind me of my 'dad' above my computer - i still find it hard to remember my dear dad before AD - thats the bit that hurts more than anything.
i now look at the picture and smile after a long day at work or when i am low and it makes me smile.
We all deal with the passing of a loved one in different ways - the first few weeks i was angry - really angry - but that has subsided now and i feel a mixture of sad and happy - sounds weird but i am glad he is at peace and out of his very muddled confused world - he was worthy of far more.
You take care - do what you want and don't worry what others think.
I was truly sad to read the news about your mother.
I have only recently joined this forum, but reading your posts gave me a definite sense of the of the depth of feeling you had for your mother and your extraordinary efforts to do the best for her.
Considering everything that you have given over the years, it seems only natural that your siblings should be able to take care of the "man made" details and give you the space and support to grieve.
Times like this can make many of us feel vulnerable and depressed. You know that your TP family can continue to offer you support as you go through this period of transition.
Another resource that has been helpful to some people is Cruse Bereavement Care. They offer support via a national telephone helpline, or by email, or via local branches. You can find more details on their web site: http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/index.htm
Snuffy - just noticed you are on line. Am thingking about you, cannot imagine how you must be feeling. However, stay strong, andplease take a little time for you. Don't be hard on yourself, you did, and are doing, a grand job. Take care, love Connie.
My feelings are exhausting.
Anger and some sort of "hate" when I was driving home the morning mum died. Then nothing.
A day of tears welling up uncontrolably then a day of nothing and wishing the tears would come.
Empty and wanting to feel the sadness and pain.
Mum is out of it all but I did not finish mycaring as she beat me to it.
so sorry too see you so sad,I don't know what too say?
I remember many years ago following the death of some one dear the Son saying "What can you say ,only make noises,and it's true.
Thinking of you aand wishing you the strength to get through this awful time.