Today Aunt was 76
3 years ago today no-one knew there was very much wrong with her though with hindsight there were signs.
2 years ago today having suffered a serious and rapid decline she was in a residential home but fit enough to be taken to a local hotel for a surprise Birthday party. Nearly 50 friends and relatives attended and although unsteady on her feet and finding it difficult to make herself understood she enjoyed her day.
1 year ago today she was a week into residence at an emi home. She had settled well and the awful symptoms that had forced her move had dissappeared presumably due the the different care she was now given. We had a few friends and relatives attend a finger food party in the home and although initially she was having a "sleepy" day, when she woke she was all smiles and most certainly enjoyed the food and attention.
Today we repeated the same small party but my Aunt struggled to eat, and to stay awake, and although we had some smiles they were invariably followed with tears. Of course those tears were then shared as we all struggled to keep a brave face.
Of late she had seemed well "out of it" if you know what I mean. Babbling away 20 to the dozen, incoherrantly but positively, about goodness knows what. The awfulness of today was she seemed back with us and that meant she had an understanding of her predicament. She quite clearly said she was very tired several times. My mother is convinced that she also said she wanted to die though I have tried to ease Mums pain by suggesting that she may have been expecting to hear Aunt say such a thing and therefore may have heard something that wasnt.
Opening cards and presents was beyond her and as I unwrapped and read greetings it was so hard to keep smiling and saying nice things while at the same time dabbing tears from her cheeks.
After today I feel I couldn't put her through that again. Maybe Birthdays should now be like any other day. Same old routine. How I hate this bloody disease. Will it ever stop hurting so much. I seem to spend far too much time wondering who will be next. Every muddled word my Mum comes out with I seize upon and wonder about - come to think of it, every time I struggle with challenges at work that once were simply dealt with, I question myself.
Off to dry my own tears now - anyone coming for a (virtual) hug?
Kriss
3 years ago today no-one knew there was very much wrong with her though with hindsight there were signs.
2 years ago today having suffered a serious and rapid decline she was in a residential home but fit enough to be taken to a local hotel for a surprise Birthday party. Nearly 50 friends and relatives attended and although unsteady on her feet and finding it difficult to make herself understood she enjoyed her day.
1 year ago today she was a week into residence at an emi home. She had settled well and the awful symptoms that had forced her move had dissappeared presumably due the the different care she was now given. We had a few friends and relatives attend a finger food party in the home and although initially she was having a "sleepy" day, when she woke she was all smiles and most certainly enjoyed the food and attention.
Today we repeated the same small party but my Aunt struggled to eat, and to stay awake, and although we had some smiles they were invariably followed with tears. Of course those tears were then shared as we all struggled to keep a brave face.
Of late she had seemed well "out of it" if you know what I mean. Babbling away 20 to the dozen, incoherrantly but positively, about goodness knows what. The awfulness of today was she seemed back with us and that meant she had an understanding of her predicament. She quite clearly said she was very tired several times. My mother is convinced that she also said she wanted to die though I have tried to ease Mums pain by suggesting that she may have been expecting to hear Aunt say such a thing and therefore may have heard something that wasnt.
Opening cards and presents was beyond her and as I unwrapped and read greetings it was so hard to keep smiling and saying nice things while at the same time dabbing tears from her cheeks.
After today I feel I couldn't put her through that again. Maybe Birthdays should now be like any other day. Same old routine. How I hate this bloody disease. Will it ever stop hurting so much. I seem to spend far too much time wondering who will be next. Every muddled word my Mum comes out with I seize upon and wonder about - come to think of it, every time I struggle with challenges at work that once were simply dealt with, I question myself.
Off to dry my own tears now - anyone coming for a (virtual) hug?
Kriss