1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. clifftops

    clifftops Registered User

    Jun 6, 2015
    3
    Hi, I am new to the group, and just wanted to post because I am feeling really sad at the moment. I live next door to my parents and have health problems of my own. Two years ago mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy. Thankfully the results came back that she had stage 1 cancer, She also has severe osteoarthritis and has been displaying mild symptoms of dementia, I believe, for over 10 years. There has been a significant deterioration over the last two years. Although, in some aspects her memory can be extremely good, she tends to develop false memories - they may be grounded in fact but it seems that they become embellished and develop into new memories that, to her mind, are the real ones.
    Mum has also, on occasions, accused us of changing things without her knowledge (we haven't), such as her wheelchair, cup and glass. She cannot remember days, even with two calendars that she has to turn over every day.
    All these problems are very tiring to cope with, however, the thing that makes me so sad is how she behaves to my dad, putting him down all the time and saying some really horrible things. She will push all his buttons and then when he says something, she then takes it out of context and tells everyone how unkind dad is to her.
    Mum's mother had dementia and she always said that would be her worst fear, and she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her. A few of our friends have had parents diagnosed with dementia and mum believes that she is an expert on how to deal with dementia because of her mother. I know some of these friends have been offended by the things mum has said to them about it.
    I am just getting so tired. Since mum's operation I have taken over all mum and dad's care, from 8am to 11.30pm every day, and when I get home I find it difficult to rest because I never know when I am going to be called back.
    Ideally, mum should go to the doctors, both for her memory and to find ways of helping with the pain, but she refuses to go. I don't feel able to force her because she is very stubborn and I know that she would never forgive me. It is impossible to reason with mum. it generally feels as though she is speaking at you, rather than with you.
    I know that I just have to carry on, and I will do, but it is so nice to know that there is somewhere I can just give vent to my feelings, and to know that I am not alone. Thank you.
     
  2. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Oh cliff welcome to TP. Firstly I would like to say is *hug* you are not alone. Your post made me cry. If you arenot careful you are going to harm yourself. There are others here who will advise but in the meantime take care.
     
  3. clifftops

    clifftops Registered User

    Jun 6, 2015
    3
    Thank you so much patsy - your post meant so much to me - that's 2 of us in tears now. Bless you for caring x
     
  4. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Hello Clifftops, if sorry its so hard for you. I think you need to go to your GP and tell them the stress you are under. You should also ask for a carers assessment since it sound like your parents need a lot of support.

    You say your Mum would not forgive you if you get the doctor in. You need to be sneeky. Talk to the doc and explain the situation. Ask the doc to call both your parents for a health check and see how it goes from there.

    You are entitled to a LIFE. Yes, you want to take care of them but you need a life too. Is there anyone who could share the burden? It sounds like you are being taken fro granted. I understand, I have been there too but not for so many hours each day.

    What would happen if you spent a day in bed resting? That will tell you that you need help.
    Lots of love and strength. Dont give up and get some help. Quilty
     
  5. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    As quilty says you need ME time difficult but youneed it. Last year I had a breakdown I now know more
     
  6. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Welcome clifftops, as has been said you are not alone here, here to listen, help with advice or try and cheer things along, it's a difficult path , take some time for yourself when you can xx
     
  7. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Hang in there
     
  8. Bassetlaw Badge

    Bassetlaw Badge Registered User

    Oct 30, 2012
    51
    I hear ya Clifftops, and wish I had some advice for you. I started to try and write something constructive but it just turned into a rant about myself so I think I'll start a new thread!

    Keep strong, good luck and keep on TP as we're all here for each other.

    :D
     

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