I have not posted for some time my mum died in Jan 9th and her funeral was held amidst the worst of the snow in the north west. It was beautiful and surreal and we were lucky the funeral went ahead given the conditions. I was not expecting the level of grief and loss I am feeling. It was a relief that she died both to her and to the family. I have no regrets I did everything I could to help and support her through her illness which slowly and at time cruelly robbed her of her mental and physical faculties. I spent the last week of her life with her and was with her when she died. Over the years I have sobbed and grieved the loss of her as the alzheimer's advanced and she declined. So why am I so sad and lonely now? I know she would tell me she had her life and to live and enjoy my life but I am struggling to do so. I am doing things but I have lost all routine e.g. thinking about what she needed, visiting the nursing home etc. I don't miss the illness (almost 10 years of it) but I miss her which is odd because she was not herself for such a long time. Why do you think i am feeling like this and have others of you felt like this too?