running out of things to talk about with mum

[clojh21]

hand massages

Absolutely agree that it is not for everyone. some people may have never liked close physical contact or may have more sensitive skin. Some things don't work for everyone and some things work for a bit and are then not suitable. anything sensory though is always worth a try but it isn't to want to make people feel uncomfortable. hope something does work for your visits.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Not strictly relevant to this thread - so apologies for hijacking it - but does anyone have tips for improving 'phone conversations please?

I phone daily (to provide moral support for my Dad mainly) and always try to talk to my Mum. Sometimes she says nothing at all; sometimes she reads aloud irrelevant ads from the newspaper; and very occasionally there's a fragment of conversation. She doesn't understand "closing signals" any longer (eg "bye Mum") and will carry on talking / being silent regardless.

Dad wants me to keep trying to talk to Mum ... and I want to, too, in spite of the frustration and the sense it's meaningless.

 

[LeedsLass]

Some good advice here

It is very difficult to keep thinking of things to say. I was thinking of making a photo book or a poster of all photos for the past. Mum also can't see very well. Do you think it is upsetting for dementia sufferers to see photos of themselves when they were young and healthy or of family/friends that have passed away? I would hate to upset her. Most conversations seem to begin with "do you remember?" which always strikes me as very ironic for someone with dementia!

 

[Solihull]

Leedslass, my thoughts exactly. Old photos in my opinion, unless they are of my mom's childhood are a no go area as she always asks where everyone is. It is not so bad explaining the loss of those from 50 years ago but more recent losses are upsetting as that is the era that is lost to them. As for herself, I take a nice photo of her just after she has had her hair done & show it to her. She always says "ooh I don't look too bad for an old un do I "?. She is 91. I show it her again after a few days etc & it sort of keeps her up to date with how she looks now. She lost her sense of smell a long time ago so smelly creams are no good but I always take a couple of her favourite chocs in & we talk about what food we like best.
It's not easy is it?
Sue x

 

[canary]

Alsoconfused - I have conversations like that with mum too. I think that she has lost the understanding that there is a person on the other end and is talking into the phone, rather than to me.

I used to talk to her several times a week, then she forgot how to ring me, but could talk if someone phoned me for her, now I dont think she has any idea.

Its all so sad.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Thanks for your reply and understanding, canary. Even though I should know better by now, I'm still assuming there is a "fix" somewhere that someone already knows and can help me find. It's so hard to accept there probably isn't one.

 

[dottyd]

Thanks for your reply and understanding, canary. Even though I should know better by now, I'm still assuming there is a "fix" somewhere that someone already knows and can help me find. It's so hard to accept there probably isn't one.

I know what you mean. Sometimes I just sit and look out of the window after I've exhausted all the conversations.

She is happy just to have me there. She seemed quite bright today but memory wise ...forget it.

She had t be changed in her room just before I went it.

Wow the smell. Pure ammonia. It practically knocked me out. Poor mum. I opened the window just to let that awful smell out and mum felt chilly.

My poor, poor mum. I can't believe she is having to live this way.

 

[Lindy50]

Thank you all for such an interesting thread

I too find that conversation runs out only too often with mum - in fact, she really only replies with standard 'very well, thank you' type of comments now.

Whilst I already do many of the suggested activities, I've gone through the thread and made a list of them...so that hopefully when inspiration fails me, I'll be able to turn to my prompt list!

One thing I would add as Spring comes....mum loves plants, bulbs, flowers of all types, and we can spend endless hours looking at or talking about these. So I take a regular supply, and, when I'm feeling up to it, pots and compost to 'pot things up'. I do it and she watches, but it's something to talk about, and through smell and colour, has a sensory aspect

Lindy xx